Me: So, Dad, a lot of my guy friends have kids and they're often posting on Facebook about how excited they are that they get to go home and hang out with their little kid. Did you used to get excited to get home from work so you could hang out with me?
Dad: . . . Are their wives reading it or something?
Me: NO, gawd. They just really enjoy spending time with their children! They think it's fun.
Me: So, did you?
Dad: Did I what?
Me: *sigh* Did you get excited to go home and see me when I was little?
Dad: Hmmm... I remember that I used to get pretty excited to stop at the bar that was on the way home.
Me: You're a horrible human being.
Dad: Lainey! What? It was the 70s! We didn't know we were supposed to like our kids! Blame society, man! I like you NOW, though.
Me: YAY for me! I'll be sure to tell that to my therapist.