Countdown 'til I Get Fired...

OHMYGOD I love Google Reader! I don't think I can adequately describe my love for something that gives me yet another avenue to fuck off at work! Until now, I haven't been able to read my favorite blogs during the day, because Websense deemed anything with the word blog or blogspot as "Non-Productive". (Shut-up, Websense - you're not the boss of me! You know what's "Non-Productive"? Me spending more time trying to find ways to get around you.)

Now I have this fantastic little work-around (I swear if anyone tells Websense I will find that person and staple their lips shut) which allows me to see vitally important posts during the day instead of having to wait all the way until sometime around 6:15 pm.

What vitally important things, you ask? Well, for example, ... ... fine, I can't think of anything that would require my immediate attention, but it could happen. And when it does, I will know about it right away!

I still can't read comments on the blogs, but I have a feeling I'll figure out a way to do that, too. After all, if it means more time not doing my job, I'm all about research!

Hey Akron Public Schools, keep up the good work!

So, yesterday my ears bled.

"She did not take no time with no one. She did not teach no one nothing".

The speaker was talking about her Language Arts teacher. *Sigh* This was said without the slightest hint of irony.

Who am I? Who am I? I'm a walrus...

Ok, so why am I doing this? I’ve always enjoyed writing. It’s one of the few things that comes easily to me and that I actually think I’m good at. (Ending the preceding sentence with a preposition notwithstanding.) I’ve heard from several people throughout my life that I write well and that I should pursue it as a career. Yeah, that never really interested me. Lainey Fun Fact #1 – if I have to do something, I don’t want to do it. Ever. Doesn’t matter what it is. If I have to eat 2 Krispy Kreme doughnuts, I don’t want to do it. If I have to make out with a super cute, successful, kind, funny guy– kinda' don’t really want to ( I probably WILL though, I’m not stupid) – also, I think that’s called molestation or coercion or something if I have to do it. Anyway, tangent…sorry, happens a lot though so you may want to get used to it. If I had to write to pay my bills, I would be miserable and living in my car.

So, why am I doing this? I’m not entirely sure, but I think I need a distraction. I think I always need a distraction. I think I need something to replace my last distraction. I think I need something that’s secret and mine. Something I don’t need to defend or explain. Something that I get some degree of satisfaction from, but it doesn’t monopolize my life.

Here’s the hard part though. How much do I share and how much do I keep hidden? If it’s anonymous and no one I know will read it, I should, theoretically, be able to be completely honest and not have to censor myself at all, right? However, if this becomes in any way interactive and I “get to know” readers or other bloggers, then it’s not anonymous anymore even if no one knows my real name or knows me in real life. Such a conundrum. Why must I make even the simplest things difficult? See above: distraction.

So here goes – in “real life”, I’m an open book. I have no filter between my brain and my mouth. If I think it, I say it. This is surprisingly acceptable in my job, which is so weird since I’m in Human Resources. Oddly enough, I can keep stuff about work totally and completely quiet and confidential. I have no interest in (& am prohibited from) talking about other people’s salaries or corrective actions or other work-related drama. But, in my personal life I will tell you anything you want to know and probably many, many, many things you don’t want to know. I tend to overshare. I’m going to try to balance that here. I’d like to be able to be completely honest, but I don’t want to give away details of my personal life that, should we meet on the street someday, you’ll shrink away from me and hope you don’t catch something. That was a joke. Or was it?* Balancing act…


* It was, in fact, a joke. God, I already suck at this intrigue thing…

So, it's entirely possible that I'm a genius...

Now, in the interest of full disclosure, I'll admit that I am not a member of MENSA, nor am I a Rhodes Scholar and frankly, I don't even know my IQ score, but I'm pretty sure it's around 700...I'm just sayin'...anyway, turns out, I'm a freakin' genius!

My biggest fear always used to be that I was retarded but no one ever told me. Now, I believe that it's the opposite - I'm a genius and no one ever bothered to inform me of this fact. You may be asking why it is that I'm so sure of my phenomenal intelligence (and by the way, don't feel bad - I like you all despite the fact that some of you probably shouldn't leave your homes without wearing a helmet; you know who you are.) and the reason is: I set up my own wireless internet connection BY MYSELF!!! That's right - no help from a guy, no Roadrunner or Linksys helpdesks, I did it myself (even with my father asking a non-stop stream of questions, that I swear I'm not making up, like why my "www can't just plug into the phone, is it because the phone is cordless? If it's wireless, why are all of those wires plugged in to the blue and black boxes with the lights on them? If I change the channel on the tv, will that affect my web? If I had a cigarette adapter, could I plug it into my car and drive around while internetting"? Seriously...maybe that's why I fear that I'm actually challenged??)

Ok, ok, so I may be broadcasting all of my personal information to anyone in a 4 block radius, I don't really know. And the internet connection may go away the moment I shut down my computer. That's not the point! I'll figure out the security aspects later. For now, it's all about THIS success. The success of using my GINORmous brain to do something I didn't think I could do. In the words of another genius, I "misunderestimated" myself and I'm not gonna' lie, it feels pretty good to be wrong this time!