The Biggest Douche Competition is over. It was a blowout.
Lainey - 1.5
Jackie - Eleventy Million
Jackie put in her 2 weeks notice today.
She accepted a job with the city. I can't blame her. It's a great job with awesome benefits, but it just breaks my heart into tiny pieces.
Showing posts with label douche. Show all posts
Showing posts with label douche. Show all posts
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Oh, It 's Already Been Broughten!
I I scheduled an interview for Friday. An interview with a most unsuitable candidate. (Not this unsuitable, because I'm not a monster!) Then I took Friday off. Jackie has to do the interview.
And to up the douche factor? I yelled BOO-YA after I told her.
Lainey - 1 (maybe 1.5)
Jackie - 1
On a related note - jamiepants was attending a fair at a community college and may have the opportunity to snag her very own Go Army FREEDOM Mug. I am tickled pink at the prospect of multiple FREEDOM Mugs circulating throughout the blogonets. Tickled pink!
And to up the douche factor? I yelled BOO-YA after I told her.
Lainey - 1 (maybe 1.5)
Jackie - 1
On a related note - jamiepants was attending a fair at a community college and may have the opportunity to snag her very own Go Army FREEDOM Mug. I am tickled pink at the prospect of multiple FREEDOM Mugs circulating throughout the blogonets. Tickled pink!
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Army Had Half-Day Today
Tidbits from the Job Fair:
Our booth was next to the Army's. There were two guys manning their booth. One was smiley and kind of quiet, the other? Eww. Picture the most obnoxious guy you can think of at the gym, drinking his "Rockstar Monster Energy Drink" or whatever the hell it is, flexing in front of the mirror and yelling "BOO-YAHHH" after every set (or rep. I don't know what it's called. It's not like I hang out in gyms).
So, Jackie and I are sitting at our booth, waiting for the applicants to be let in and Douchey McArmy starts chatting us up. Within 11 seconds I was finished even pretending to listen. Jackie is more patient than I am and definitely better at hiding her annoyance. About 45 minutes in, Douchey walks over and (loudly) says, "Jesus Christ, where'd they find these idiots?" Nice, dude. Then he says to Jackie, "There's a bunch of what we like to call, 'UCI's' here", to which Jackie replied, "UCI's?" and he sneers, "Unqualified Inquiries", obviously pleased with himself. Jackie gave him a perplexed look and said, "Um, why is that called a UCI"? He pulls himself up to his full douchetude and says, "UCI - UN QUALIFIED INQUIRY". Jackie says, "yeah, but, where's the 'c' coming from"? He looks at her like she's the most retarded person he's talked to all day and says, "UN QUALI...oh, um, haa...I I don't know, now that you mention it." DURRRR. Ass.
Later, while there was a lull, he crouched down next to Jackie and presented her with a Go Army coffee mug. Evidently, Jackie didn't show the appropriate amount of gratitude because he then lectured her on the VALUE of a mug from the UNITED STATES ARMY and "when you drink your coffee from that cup, YOU'RE DRINKING FREEDOM, TOO!" Jackie doesn't respond well to raised voices and tends to take it personally. He continued to natter on and eventually wound up the one-sided conversation with, "I'm not even sure why they selected me to do this. It's not like I'm the most personable guy" to which Jackie replies, "At least you know your weaknesses!"
He stopped coming by after that. Haa, I love her!
Our booth was next to the Army's. There were two guys manning their booth. One was smiley and kind of quiet, the other? Eww. Picture the most obnoxious guy you can think of at the gym, drinking his "Rockstar Monster Energy Drink" or whatever the hell it is, flexing in front of the mirror and yelling "BOO-YAHHH" after every set (or rep. I don't know what it's called. It's not like I hang out in gyms).
So, Jackie and I are sitting at our booth, waiting for the applicants to be let in and Douchey McArmy starts chatting us up. Within 11 seconds I was finished even pretending to listen. Jackie is more patient than I am and definitely better at hiding her annoyance. About 45 minutes in, Douchey walks over and (loudly) says, "Jesus Christ, where'd they find these idiots?" Nice, dude. Then he says to Jackie, "There's a bunch of what we like to call, 'UCI's' here", to which Jackie replied, "UCI's?" and he sneers, "Unqualified Inquiries", obviously pleased with himself. Jackie gave him a perplexed look and said, "Um, why is that called a UCI"? He pulls himself up to his full douchetude and says, "UCI - UN QUALIFIED INQUIRY". Jackie says, "yeah, but, where's the 'c' coming from"? He looks at her like she's the most retarded person he's talked to all day and says, "UN QUALI...oh, um, haa...I I don't know, now that you mention it." DURRRR. Ass.
Later, while there was a lull, he crouched down next to Jackie and presented her with a Go Army coffee mug. Evidently, Jackie didn't show the appropriate amount of gratitude because he then lectured her on the VALUE of a mug from the UNITED STATES ARMY and "when you drink your coffee from that cup, YOU'RE DRINKING FREEDOM, TOO!" Jackie doesn't respond well to raised voices and tends to take it personally. He continued to natter on and eventually wound up the one-sided conversation with, "I'm not even sure why they selected me to do this. It's not like I'm the most personable guy" to which Jackie replies, "At least you know your weaknesses!"
He stopped coming by after that. Haa, I love her!
Sunday, June 1, 2008
But I'm Not Bitter...
I have a new idea for a reality show. After the success of “Joe Millionaire”, “The Bachelor”, “Farmer Wants a Wife” and “What’s This on My Shoe?” I have a can’t-miss show. We’ll put a smart, self-sufficient, funny woman (let’s just say me, for the sake of argument) in a room with 50 guys. 49 of them will be successful, emotionally generous, financially secure, kind, witty, loving men. One will be a douche.
I will find the douche.
No matter what. Doesn’t matter how much money is on the line. Doesn’t matter how many “Phone a Friends” I get. Doesn’t matter if I’m actually even trying or not. Hell, you could even blindfold me. I will find the douche. It’s like a gift I have. (It works with expensive shoes too, by the way. I can walk into any shoe store and *instantly* find the most expensive pair of shoes without even trying.)
We’ll call it “Who Wants to Feel Like Shit ALLLL the Time, but Will Continue to Give and Give and Give Some More Until 4 Years Have Passed and You’re a Shell of the Person You Once Were and Yet You Somehow Manage to Convince Yourself That It’s Your Fault!”
Someone call FOX, I smell a hit!
I will find the douche.
No matter what. Doesn’t matter how much money is on the line. Doesn’t matter how many “Phone a Friends” I get. Doesn’t matter if I’m actually even trying or not. Hell, you could even blindfold me. I will find the douche. It’s like a gift I have. (It works with expensive shoes too, by the way. I can walk into any shoe store and *instantly* find the most expensive pair of shoes without even trying.)
We’ll call it “Who Wants to Feel Like Shit ALLLL the Time, but Will Continue to Give and Give and Give Some More Until 4 Years Have Passed and You’re a Shell of the Person You Once Were and Yet You Somehow Manage to Convince Yourself That It’s Your Fault!”
Someone call FOX, I smell a hit!
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