Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Wow! Just wow.

So, this was a cover letter I received with a resume today. Other than removing her name, it's exactly as I received it. Even the italics are the same. I...I just...really? Really, there isn't someone she showed this to before sending it out? Someone who would say, "hmm, you know, maybe that's not what a cover letter is all about"? Or "Hey, I know, why don't you leave out most of this and just give a summary of your qualifications and your education and what your salary requirements are?" Really? Read it and tell me if I'm being a bitch. Seriously.

The wonderful life of [name redacted] all started in August 9, 1982 when I was born a beautiful baby girl. I was trouble from the start. I first got kicked out of school in the 3rd grade. then my grades started dropping but I passed elementary and moved on to middle school where I had a problem keeping my hand to myself and they would always send me to peer mediation to talk out my problems out, well that didn’t work for a while so they through me in detention and when that didn’t work I started to getting suspended, so my mom decided to put me in child guidance to see what was really wrong with me. I mean don’t get me wrong I had my mother, father, and my younger sister in my house hold my parents weren’t on drugs maybe they had a few drinks every now and then but there was nothing to serious and they both had jobs. So, what was the problem? Well, we never got to it they laid my dad off and his insurance got cancelled. So, I passed all my classes and went on to high school where I got kicked out of one school went to another school for all bad kids, went back to public school were I mostly was suspended, passed went to another school and dropped out in the 11th grade because I was pregnant.

Had my baby and a year later started taking classes at the Adult Vocational Services were I got my GED and was also taking a course in Information Processing. I walked across the stage with my GED in 2004.

The Information Processing class that I took prior to coming to Brown Mackie was more of a secretarial work type of study some of the windows work is the same but, in my Information Processing class we had to learn a lot of accounting, and I don’t have to do accounting in this class just medical math.

I heard about Brown Mackie through a friend that goes hear now she is studying how to become a medical assistant. She is about to graduate this summer and she was telling me how great this school was so I had to try it

Now that I am enrolled in Brown Mackie College I never thought that I would be in college the one that always got suspended, the one that never really cared for going to school, has been going to school and doing better since I’ve been going to college.

My major at Brown Mackie College is an Admitting Officer. I selected to become an Admitting Officer is because I like the medical field and I like making sure that everything is in order and patients are in and out of their appointments on time. I like just sitting at a computer doing your work; you get to meet all the people that come in to the office. You have a chance to advance in your work place where you can move ahead and make more money, and get great benefits through your job.

The one thing I plan to do when I receive my degree is to work in a private doctors office or in a hospital in an another city, so I buy me a house, truck and have sum money for my baby to go to college so that she can have a good life as well.

To close my story up I started being bad and causing trouble for everybody I was a bully and didn’t have to many friends but I always had my family they were there with me through thick and thin even if they really didn’t want to be mixed up in the drama at times they were. I was just to young to see that and just thought that everybody owed me something when the truth is I owe them something. My life and everything that it has to offer, because I don’t know how I would have made it trying to take care of a child at the age of 16 if it wasn’t for them.


Still today my grandmother stays on me about school and still makes sure that I cum to school and tells me to stick wit and don’t give up because you have to go through a struggle in order to make it to the top of your dreams. I want to be on top of my dreams.

10 comments:

jamiepants said...

That's just awesome. I recently had to go through about 100 resumes for a job...man, some people are just hilarious.

Lainey said...

I know, right? It's hard because you kind of want to help them, but also you just think, "wow, you need WAY more help than I'm equipped to provide."

TK said...

[stunned silence]

I would say I don't believe it, but it's just fucking loony enough to be true. Dear God. That person should be sterilized and shot into space.

Sofi said...

I started out laughing, then feeling bad, then sad, then hopeful, then happy again.

I say you hire her.

Lainey said...

TK, haven't read any of your resume/interview horror stories in a long time. I miss your pain!

Sofi, I KNOW!! That's why I feel like a bitch! I kind of want to bring her in just to meet her, you know?

This tops my old Best Cover Letter EVER. I'll have to find it for the exact wording, but she wrote, "then I was in a car accident with my dad. We got broadsided and the next thing I remember was looking at my dad. He was dead. He was deader than a doornail." That was in her opening paragraph. It got worse from there. Swear to GOD!

jM said...

Um... um...

...

SHE WORKS IN THE MEDICAL FIELD?!?!?!

Sarah Booz said...

Wow. I...WOW.

Still today my grandmother stays on me about school and still makes sure that I cum to school

I'm amazed that no one stopped this from happening. Or proofread it.

Holy shit. That is pure gold.

Lainey said...

jM, schedule your next procedure TODAY! *shudder* Also, she will probably graduate. How sad is that?

Sarah, I know! There were soooo many typos in there, but that was a standout and I'm not kidding, I'm still contemplating bringing her in for an interview. I really want to talk to this chick. I figure it has to be, if not hilarious, at least amusing. Actually, probably depressing...

Sarah Booz said...

It might be more depressing than amusing, but hell, you never know. I say you do it! And then tell the rest of us about it. Hahaha

TWoP Fan said...

That is the best thing I have read this week.