Ok, so you guys know how I maybe have a wee addiction to lip balm, right? It might be out of control now. I've designed the entire theme of Employee Appreciation Week around my addiction.
A couple of months ago, my boss, Thirteen, and I went to an HR conference. There were a bunch of different vendors with booths & swag, and one of them, the Cleveland Zoo, was passing out lip balms with their logo. Ok, well A) The ZOO!!! and B) Lip Balm!!! Hello, happy Lainey! Turns out that this is like the best lip balm ever (Yes, I say that about EVERY new lip balm, but this time I mean it. It's like I tell every guy that he's THE BEST, I'm sure I've actually meant it once or twice...) and the label lists some company in Cleveland that makes it.
I looked it up and they will make lip balms for your company, with your logo, for some ridiculously cheap fee of like $.50/tube. The catch is that you have to buy 100+. Here's the thing, I actually THOUGHT about buying them myself, putting MY logo on them (Bobainey Balm - Pamper your pucker, sucker! Cute, right? I KNOW!), and then sending them to you kids with your Christmas cards, but then the reality set in of having 100 lip balms sitting in my house and me having to actually address and mail 80+ Christmas cards, which would STILL leave me with 20 lip balms, and yeah, that idea fizzled out.
I did some thinking and then some more and then I took a nap. Then it dawned on me! If we make Employee Appreciation Week be about relaxation and pampering, I could totally order these for our employees, get the company to pay for it, AND have my own personal stockpile of fantastic lip balm! I AM AN EMMEREFFING GENIUS!
Wait, it gets BETTER! So, because Thirteen enjoys projects, I assigned this to her. She got in touch with them to get pricing information and other pertinent info and they sent us a DOZEN lip balms to choose from before we order ours for the employees. I now have SEVEN lip balms sitting on my desk. SEVEN. So great. (I let her keep 3 and give 2 to the admin assistant because I'm benevolent and a good sharer and shit.)
Oh, so anyway, Employee Appreciation Week is still going to be all about pampering and relaxation and feature the lip balms, but I don't even care anymore, I got what I wanted. We're also having cookies and tea. Because I LIKE COOKIES.
The end.
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Monday, September 20, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
HR Has Feelings, Too, You Know!
First off, I hate talking or writing about work. Work is boring. No one wants to hear about someone else's work. Why should I presume to think that MY work is any more interesting or valid than anyone else's? That said, I'm about to launch into a story/rant about work. So, you've been warned and can now choose your own adventure: quit now and go do something else or keep reading knowing that I'm babbling about work. Oh, and it's not a funny story. I feel like I should also say that upfront. It's not sad or anything, but it's not something you're going to think, "Oh, that Lainey! What a character!" That's probably not gonna' happen. If it does, please feel free to let me know.
I spent over an hour in a meeting today to discuss what to do about an under-performing employee. This is the third such meeting I've been in over the past 2 weeks. All about different employees. The focus of today's meeting was a middle-aged woman with some type of illness (maybe Parkinson's?) that she's not really willing to discuss with us and that she INSISTS is not affecting her productivity in any way. It should be noted that this employee has either had this affliction since she started with us 5 years ago or she's just always been an under-performing employee. Her problem is that she's slow. Like sllllooooooowwwww slow. Also, she doesn't really seem to grasp simple concepts and does not take any responsibility at all for her poor performance and insists that we are just out to get her. By way of comparison, other employees enter/bill 100 trips a day; she enters/bills 30. Her supervisor and manager have spent many, many, many hours coaching her and training her and trying to get her up to speed. They've taken away extra tasks and assigned them to other employees and when she still wasn't able to hit the minimum requirement, they took another chunk of responsibility away from her and sent her through training again. During all of this she has maintained that there's not a problem and that they're just picking on her.
The supervisor and manager don't want to fire her, my boss doesn't want to fire her, no one wants to get rid of her, but there's nowhere else for her to go within the organization. I guess the reason I'm writing this is because I get SO tired of hearing people say things like, "HR is out to screw people", "Corporations only care about the bottom line", "Employees are just numbers", blah, blah, blah. You know what? SHUT THE FUCK UP. Of course companies are concerned with the bottom line! If you work for a company that isn't, I suggest you start looking for a new place of employment, because yours isn't going to be around for long. HR is NOT out to screw people. Holy crap, do you even know how much fucking paperwork is involved to write-up and/or fire someone? How much extra documentation has to be done? It's ridiculous. HR doesn't want to screw you. HR doesn't even want to deal with you, so there's no way in hell they're TRYING to get you in trouble. As far as employees being "just numbers", that's just dumb. It's a symbiotic relationship. The company exists to make money. That's its function. In order to make money, the company must have employees and in order to pay the employees the company must make money, so the employees must perform in a satisfactory and productive manner in order for the company to make the money to pay the employee for the satisfactory and productive work. SEE? It's a cycle. They depend on each other.
Are there incompetent, jackassy, unethical, supervisors, managers, and directors in companies? Absolutely. Does management sometimes hate one of their employees? FOR sure. But, overall, supervisors, managers, and HR are all there, the same as you, trying to do a good job. Trying to balance the needs of the company with the needs of the many employees. They're trying to get their work done, while they review yours and they don't want to discipline or fire people. They will hold many meetings (and sometimes sweep things under the rug) and review policies and lose sleep over the decision to terminate someone's employment. The COMPANY may be an entity, but the people making the decisions and doing the hard task of writing someone up or eventually firing them are PEOPLE. These people really aren't rubbing their hands together and twirling their mustaches and cackling with glee over the prospect of screwing you over, they're trying to find ways to help you, so that you are a productive and satisfactory part of the work cycle. Please stop believing that Corporate America is out to GET YOU. That seriously doesn't even make sense if you really stop to think about it and every time you repeat that little motto, it helps to create an environment of distrust and resentment and takes away YOUR ownership of your own life and your own destiny. It makes you a victim. Stop it.
Unless you're an asshole. Then maybe your HR department is out to get you. (I'm kidding. Mostly.)
I spent over an hour in a meeting today to discuss what to do about an under-performing employee. This is the third such meeting I've been in over the past 2 weeks. All about different employees. The focus of today's meeting was a middle-aged woman with some type of illness (maybe Parkinson's?) that she's not really willing to discuss with us and that she INSISTS is not affecting her productivity in any way. It should be noted that this employee has either had this affliction since she started with us 5 years ago or she's just always been an under-performing employee. Her problem is that she's slow. Like sllllooooooowwwww slow. Also, she doesn't really seem to grasp simple concepts and does not take any responsibility at all for her poor performance and insists that we are just out to get her. By way of comparison, other employees enter/bill 100 trips a day; she enters/bills 30. Her supervisor and manager have spent many, many, many hours coaching her and training her and trying to get her up to speed. They've taken away extra tasks and assigned them to other employees and when she still wasn't able to hit the minimum requirement, they took another chunk of responsibility away from her and sent her through training again. During all of this she has maintained that there's not a problem and that they're just picking on her.
The supervisor and manager don't want to fire her, my boss doesn't want to fire her, no one wants to get rid of her, but there's nowhere else for her to go within the organization. I guess the reason I'm writing this is because I get SO tired of hearing people say things like, "HR is out to screw people", "Corporations only care about the bottom line", "Employees are just numbers", blah, blah, blah. You know what? SHUT THE FUCK UP. Of course companies are concerned with the bottom line! If you work for a company that isn't, I suggest you start looking for a new place of employment, because yours isn't going to be around for long. HR is NOT out to screw people. Holy crap, do you even know how much fucking paperwork is involved to write-up and/or fire someone? How much extra documentation has to be done? It's ridiculous. HR doesn't want to screw you. HR doesn't even want to deal with you, so there's no way in hell they're TRYING to get you in trouble. As far as employees being "just numbers", that's just dumb. It's a symbiotic relationship. The company exists to make money. That's its function. In order to make money, the company must have employees and in order to pay the employees the company must make money, so the employees must perform in a satisfactory and productive manner in order for the company to make the money to pay the employee for the satisfactory and productive work. SEE? It's a cycle. They depend on each other.
Are there incompetent, jackassy, unethical, supervisors, managers, and directors in companies? Absolutely. Does management sometimes hate one of their employees? FOR sure. But, overall, supervisors, managers, and HR are all there, the same as you, trying to do a good job. Trying to balance the needs of the company with the needs of the many employees. They're trying to get their work done, while they review yours and they don't want to discipline or fire people. They will hold many meetings (and sometimes sweep things under the rug) and review policies and lose sleep over the decision to terminate someone's employment. The COMPANY may be an entity, but the people making the decisions and doing the hard task of writing someone up or eventually firing them are PEOPLE. These people really aren't rubbing their hands together and twirling their mustaches and cackling with glee over the prospect of screwing you over, they're trying to find ways to help you, so that you are a productive and satisfactory part of the work cycle. Please stop believing that Corporate America is out to GET YOU. That seriously doesn't even make sense if you really stop to think about it and every time you repeat that little motto, it helps to create an environment of distrust and resentment and takes away YOUR ownership of your own life and your own destiny. It makes you a victim. Stop it.
Unless you're an asshole. Then maybe your HR department is out to get you. (I'm kidding. Mostly.)
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Out with the Old and in with the New (or OwtOaiwtN for those who prefer acronyms)
As you may have noticed (or not, I don't know how observant some of you are), I've not been around much lately. Here, Pajiba, and even Facebook, to a degree. Lots of stuff going on - some good, some bad, but all for the better, I think.
Oh, but first, I owe you an update on the sabotager (I'm sorry, but "saboteur" just sounds so snooty). After extensive observation from our IT department, we felt there was enough evidence to support the suspicion that she had been deliberately sabotaging her co-worker's reports and we fired her. She denied, denied, DENIED it and then accused IT of setting her up. Unemployment disagreed with us and despite PAGES of documentation, awarded her benefits because we didn't have definitive proof that she did it. I guess you have to actually videotape them doing it and then you probably have to prove that the video is actually of THEM and not some look-alike that you hired and then you probably have to send them DNA evidence, too. Whatever.
Moving on. Blogger has new templates and since I've made over my entire apartment in the last month, I decided to make over this here fancy blog, too. Let me know what you think. (Or, if you just want to make an assy comment, don't let me know what you think. I don't really have a lot of patience for assyness right now.) Back to the apartment! Those of you on Facebook are probably sick to death of hearing about the redecoration EXTRAVAGANZA, so feel free to skip ahead. To the rest - OMG, I TOTALLY got my apartment redid and it is SO exciting! I've lived here for 12 or 13 years and while I've always liked my apartment, I never LOVED it. I always liked its potential, but it never lived up to that potential because the landlord wouldn't put any money into it and I wouldn't either. The paint was old and cracked and yellowed, the carpet was a hideous barf color and really qualified more as a mat than a carpet, and the windows were just... rattley glass in hard to open frames. On my end, the furniture was all mismatched, over-sized crap I got from friends or bought a piece here or a piece there, and I had kind of given up on making it look nice, because no matter how much I cleaned (FINE, no matter how much the person I hired to clean cleaned) it still looked like a mishmash of clutter and dingy neglect. NOW, THOUGH? Sparkly and clean and pretty! New carpet and fresh paint in cheery yellow and ice blue, brand-spankin' new double-hung windows, which holy cow, I've never had new windows before and I *might* have a slight obsession with cleaning them (Ilovethemsomuch!), and new blinds that are being installed by my landlord as I type this. I bought a whole new living room and dining room set and a new bed, plus little extras like pictures, bookshelves, and a red microwave. How does the red microwave have any relevance? It DOESN'T. I just WANTED it, is that OK with YOU? Anyway, it's been a lot of work packing up and moving all of my crap & throwing out tons of junk, but it's all pretty and new now and I'm happy as can be! It even has that new carpet smell instead of old, dusty, years-of-smoking smell.
Balls. This is getting really long and I have a lot more to say, but I hate reading super long meandering blog posts, so I'm going to save it for PART 2: EXTRAVAGANZA SUPERSEXYNOVA OF SPARKLEBLAHBLAHBLAH. Or something.
Oh, ok, but real quick - I bought these fun trash bags because I had to cart like, I don't know, A MILLION bags of crap out before the carpet could be ripped out and replaced and I am nothing if not frivolous. How cute are these!? I KNOW, right?
Oh, but first, I owe you an update on the sabotager (I'm sorry, but "saboteur" just sounds so snooty). After extensive observation from our IT department, we felt there was enough evidence to support the suspicion that she had been deliberately sabotaging her co-worker's reports and we fired her. She denied, denied, DENIED it and then accused IT of setting her up. Unemployment disagreed with us and despite PAGES of documentation, awarded her benefits because we didn't have definitive proof that she did it. I guess you have to actually videotape them doing it and then you probably have to prove that the video is actually of THEM and not some look-alike that you hired and then you probably have to send them DNA evidence, too. Whatever.
Moving on. Blogger has new templates and since I've made over my entire apartment in the last month, I decided to make over this here fancy blog, too. Let me know what you think. (Or, if you just want to make an assy comment, don't let me know what you think. I don't really have a lot of patience for assyness right now.) Back to the apartment! Those of you on Facebook are probably sick to death of hearing about the redecoration EXTRAVAGANZA, so feel free to skip ahead. To the rest - OMG, I TOTALLY got my apartment redid and it is SO exciting! I've lived here for 12 or 13 years and while I've always liked my apartment, I never LOVED it. I always liked its potential, but it never lived up to that potential because the landlord wouldn't put any money into it and I wouldn't either. The paint was old and cracked and yellowed, the carpet was a hideous barf color and really qualified more as a mat than a carpet, and the windows were just... rattley glass in hard to open frames. On my end, the furniture was all mismatched, over-sized crap I got from friends or bought a piece here or a piece there, and I had kind of given up on making it look nice, because no matter how much I cleaned (FINE, no matter how much the person I hired to clean cleaned) it still looked like a mishmash of clutter and dingy neglect. NOW, THOUGH? Sparkly and clean and pretty! New carpet and fresh paint in cheery yellow and ice blue, brand-spankin' new double-hung windows, which holy cow, I've never had new windows before and I *might* have a slight obsession with cleaning them (Ilovethemsomuch!), and new blinds that are being installed by my landlord as I type this. I bought a whole new living room and dining room set and a new bed, plus little extras like pictures, bookshelves, and a red microwave. How does the red microwave have any relevance? It DOESN'T. I just WANTED it, is that OK with YOU? Anyway, it's been a lot of work packing up and moving all of my crap & throwing out tons of junk, but it's all pretty and new now and I'm happy as can be! It even has that new carpet smell instead of old, dusty, years-of-smoking smell.
Balls. This is getting really long and I have a lot more to say, but I hate reading super long meandering blog posts, so I'm going to save it for PART 2: EXTRAVAGANZA SUPERSEXYNOVA OF SPARKLEBLAHBLAHBLAH. Or something.
Oh, ok, but real quick - I bought these fun trash bags because I had to cart like, I don't know, A MILLION bags of crap out before the carpet could be ripped out and replaced and I am nothing if not frivolous. How cute are these!? I KNOW, right?
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Cost Effective AND Good for the Environment!
You guys, this week? Holy balls. This week has kicked me in the teeth and almost reduced me to tears a couple of times. It's INSANE the amount of crap that's going on at work and people have done lost their damn minds! Ohmylord. But anyway, this isn't about that. This entry is not a "woe is me, my job is *hard*" post. This entry is all about the GEM I found today when emptying the Suggestion Box (Which seriously, really needs a new name. Rarely, if ever, have I had a legitimate and cost-effective/helpful suggestion come from it. In fact, truth be told, I fucking hate the Suggestion Box and think it's worthless and encourages stupidity. One of the first "Suggestions" [Yes, it needs quotes] was for the company to pump pure oxygen in through the air vents, so the employees would be more alert and productive. Hand to God. Actual "Suggestion".).
However, I want to find this person and ask them to be my new BFF.
Haa, A-MEN, my red pen-loving friend. A-fucking-men!
However, I want to find this person and ask them to be my new BFF.
Haa, A-MEN, my red pen-loving friend. A-fucking-men!
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Reason #432 Why I'll Never Be an Executive
The VP was in my office today. No big, he's in my office a lot. Usually, he's standing across from me (probably looking at my boobs - he seriously has an issue with the obvious boob-looking). Today he was standing behind my desk with me looking at something (that miraculously wasn't Facebook) on my computer.
Him walking out the door and shaking his head...
Me: It's RELAXING!
Him: What the hell is that?
Me: What?Him: That - there.
Me: A unicorn stabbing a mime.
Him: In a Zen garden?
Me: It's relaxing.Him walking out the door and shaking his head...
Me: It's RELAXING!
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
I Am Goophy!
Once again, I got nothing. SO, because you're obviously *very* lucky, I'm going to post the silly email exchange I had with Meg. It made me giggle like a phool! I am very easily amused. Obviously.
at 12:55 PM, Meg wrote:
Lainey:
Ha! You are phunny!
Lainey:
I'm on a conf. call w/ a presentation on my computer.
DAMMIT - con-phurance call!
Lainey:
Are you phrustrated?
Lainey:
Don't de-phriend me!
Lainey:
I'm sorry - I don't want to piss you oph. Especially on a Phriday!
Lainey:
PHINE, just stop. I wasn't phinished. Phlake.
Lainey:
I've had a lot of capheine! Sometimes I phorget to philter myselph!
Lainey:
This is making me laph phar too much!
Seriously, SO dumb. Giggled like an idiot. This is why I make the big bucks.
i had the pho and now i am phull.
Lainey:
Ha! You are phunny!
Meg:
are you not online anymore?
motherphucker.
motherphucker.
Lainey:
I'm on a conf. call w/ a presentation on my computer.
DAMMIT - con-phurance call!
Meg:
phreak.
Lainey:
Are you phrustrated?
Meg:
phurious
Lainey:
Don't de-phriend me!
Meg:
Don't phool yourself. There's a definite phinality about this.
Lainey:
I'm sorry - I don't want to piss you oph. Especially on a Phriday!
Lainey:
PHINE, just stop. I wasn't phinished. Phlake.
Meg:
woah. Phor phuck's sake, girlphriend. Calm yourselph. No phreak outs on a phriday, got it?Lainey:
I've had a lot of capheine! Sometimes I phorget to philter myselph!
Meg:
I'd eat my phoot for a phrappucino right about now.
Lainey:
This is making me laph phar too much!
Meg:
Don't. Your ass will get phired.Seriously, SO dumb. Giggled like an idiot. This is why I make the big bucks.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Extra Whinyless No Whining Wednesday
Today's No Whining Wednesday post is going to shock you! You should probably make sure you're sitting down. If you have a nervous condition or startle easily, you may not want to read this. Are you ready? Are you SURE? Ok, don't say I didn't warn you...
Thirteen is being helpful and is only barely getting on my nerves.
I know, right?? None of you saw THAT coming, did you? Me either! I don't know if she changed medications or has just finally settled into the job and relaxed a bit or if I've finally gotten used to her, but I've noticed that the last few weeks (I don't know how long it's been - I have no concept of time) she really doesn't seem to bother me. She asks questions still, but not stupid questions and she doesn't babble about Robert Pattinson or fucking Twilight, so there's a huge improvement right there. Plus, you can ask her to do anything and she'll just do it. It's awesome! She doesn't question it or complain, she just does it. It's so cool! We're working on a giant, icky project our boss gave us and she whined a bit about how stupid it is (and she's not wrong!), but she buckled down and did it and didn't bug me once. I'm gonna' give her a sticker tomorrow if she keeps up the SUPER attitude!
So, yeah, that's pretty noteworthy, right? Hmm, what else is going on? Not much. Life in 2010 is pretty much like 2009. I still have my Christmas tree up, which really shouldn't surprise anyone. Um, what else? I've been watching "The Wire" and it's good, but I'm not blown away. Uhhhh, what else...
Oh , here's some more of those things to be happy about from that calendar:
What's going on with you? Did you have a good New Year's Eve? Has your 2010 been good so far?
Happy No Whining Wednesday!
Thirteen is being helpful and is only barely getting on my nerves.
I know, right?? None of you saw THAT coming, did you? Me either! I don't know if she changed medications or has just finally settled into the job and relaxed a bit or if I've finally gotten used to her, but I've noticed that the last few weeks (I don't know how long it's been - I have no concept of time) she really doesn't seem to bother me. She asks questions still, but not stupid questions and she doesn't babble about Robert Pattinson or fucking Twilight, so there's a huge improvement right there. Plus, you can ask her to do anything and she'll just do it. It's awesome! She doesn't question it or complain, she just does it. It's so cool! We're working on a giant, icky project our boss gave us and she whined a bit about how stupid it is (and she's not wrong!), but she buckled down and did it and didn't bug me once. I'm gonna' give her a sticker tomorrow if she keeps up the SUPER attitude!
So, yeah, that's pretty noteworthy, right? Hmm, what else is going on? Not much. Life in 2010 is pretty much like 2009. I still have my Christmas tree up, which really shouldn't surprise anyone. Um, what else? I've been watching "The Wire" and it's good, but I'm not blown away. Uhhhh, what else...
Oh , here's some more of those things to be happy about from that calendar:
- Picnics around the fireplace
- Using chopsticks
- Chocolate fondue
- Commonsense folk sayings
- Sea monkeys
- Pockets of tranquility (which I originally read as "tranquilizers" - I like mine better.)
- A terrific hair day
- Lyrics sung incorrectly
- A glassed-in sun porch (which I think some people call a "Florida Room" - how cute is *that*?)
- Short naps
What's going on with you? Did you have a good New Year's Eve? Has your 2010 been good so far?
Happy No Whining Wednesday!
Friday, November 20, 2009
Special Little Snowflakes
This may be rambling and incoherent - I'll do my best to stay on topic and to self-edit.
Usually around Christmas everyone wants to take vacation time, but the office still needs to be staffed, so they limit the number of people who can be off at the same time. A couple of years ago our senior management team made the decision to let employees who worked on Christmas Eve day leave 2 hours earlier than the end of their scheduled shift and get paid for those 2 hours. It was a perk for the employees who had to come in that day. If you took a vacation day on Christmas Eve, however, you had to use 8 hours of PTO.
This year, our senior management team made the decision to close the office at 12:00 on Christmas Eve. They also decided it was dumb to limit the amount of people who could have the day off, since most of the companies or agencies we do business with are closed or are short-staffed also. Additionally, for reasons I still don't understand, they've also decided to pay everyone for 4 hours, whether they work or not. So, basically, if you choose to take the day off, you can and you only have to use 4 hours of PTO and the Company will pay for the other 4 hours to give you a full day's pay. If you don't have any PTO and you choose to work that day, you only have to work 4 hours and the company will pay you for a full 8-hour day. Sounds great, right? Yeah, not to everyone, apparently...
One of our Special Little Snowflakes has decided that this is somehow unfair. In the past, the extra 2 hours of pay was a REWARD for coming in and working, but NOW the Company is going to pay EVERYONE 4 hours whether they work or not and to her, that's not fair! It's not fair that if she comes in to work, someone who chooses to take off that day still gets the same benefit she gets. She's, in her words, "being PENALIZED" for coming in and working.
Wait, what? Seriously? Yeah, she's in a snit because everyone gets 4 hours paid and she's evidently pissed because she gets paid for an additional 2 hours and has to work 2 hours LESS than in previous years...let that sink in. She's mad and thinks it's unfair because why should EVERYONE get this "perk"? What the fuck is wrong with you? I don't understand this logic. Can someone please explain this to me? Also, can someone explain the word "penalize" to her, because I don't think it means what she thinks it means.
OK, fine, so she's just some random malcontent - EXCEPT, no, she's posted this all over her Facebook page and because she's a goddamned genius, she's "friended" her supervisor, who then brings it to HR, because now it's a "morale issue". Wait, back up. The Company is paying employees to not work or to be at work for half a day and somehow we have a morale problem because of this? I swear don't understand. Am I being dense? Can someone PLEASE explain this to me?
Usually around Christmas everyone wants to take vacation time, but the office still needs to be staffed, so they limit the number of people who can be off at the same time. A couple of years ago our senior management team made the decision to let employees who worked on Christmas Eve day leave 2 hours earlier than the end of their scheduled shift and get paid for those 2 hours. It was a perk for the employees who had to come in that day. If you took a vacation day on Christmas Eve, however, you had to use 8 hours of PTO.
This year, our senior management team made the decision to close the office at 12:00 on Christmas Eve. They also decided it was dumb to limit the amount of people who could have the day off, since most of the companies or agencies we do business with are closed or are short-staffed also. Additionally, for reasons I still don't understand, they've also decided to pay everyone for 4 hours, whether they work or not. So, basically, if you choose to take the day off, you can and you only have to use 4 hours of PTO and the Company will pay for the other 4 hours to give you a full day's pay. If you don't have any PTO and you choose to work that day, you only have to work 4 hours and the company will pay you for a full 8-hour day. Sounds great, right? Yeah, not to everyone, apparently...
One of our Special Little Snowflakes has decided that this is somehow unfair. In the past, the extra 2 hours of pay was a REWARD for coming in and working, but NOW the Company is going to pay EVERYONE 4 hours whether they work or not and to her, that's not fair! It's not fair that if she comes in to work, someone who chooses to take off that day still gets the same benefit she gets. She's, in her words, "being PENALIZED" for coming in and working.
Wait, what? Seriously? Yeah, she's in a snit because everyone gets 4 hours paid and she's evidently pissed because she gets paid for an additional 2 hours and has to work 2 hours LESS than in previous years...let that sink in. She's mad and thinks it's unfair because why should EVERYONE get this "perk"? What the fuck is wrong with you? I don't understand this logic. Can someone please explain this to me? Also, can someone explain the word "penalize" to her, because I don't think it means what she thinks it means.
OK, fine, so she's just some random malcontent - EXCEPT, no, she's posted this all over her Facebook page and because she's a goddamned genius, she's "friended" her supervisor, who then brings it to HR, because now it's a "morale issue". Wait, back up. The Company is paying employees to not work or to be at work for half a day and somehow we have a morale problem because of this? I swear don't understand. Am I being dense? Can someone PLEASE explain this to me?
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Umm, Hey There Wednesday...
Noooo, I totally didn't forget you! How could you think such a thing?
(Pssst, you guys, I totally forgot about Wednesday!)
I didn't write up anything last night, like I normally do, and I will be going out after work to meet up with the HR ladies, so I won't be able to do it later. So, yeah, um, I'm at work, not having Veteran's Day off, because my company *obviously* hates America and trying to write a blog post while I'm trying to pretend to do work and not get fired, so you guys are kind of on your own today. Talk amongst yourselves.
Here are a few good things going on with me, so there's NO whining from this lady today!
Happy No Whining Wednesday!!
(Pssst, you guys, I totally forgot about Wednesday!)
I didn't write up anything last night, like I normally do, and I will be going out after work to meet up with the HR ladies, so I won't be able to do it later. So, yeah, um, I'm at work, not having Veteran's Day off, because my company *obviously* hates America and trying to write a blog post while I'm trying to pretend to do work and not get fired, so you guys are kind of on your own today. Talk amongst yourselves.
Here are a few good things going on with me, so there's NO whining from this lady today!
- I made a giant pot of chili, so I have leftovers for days - awesome! I also made a spaghetti squish, so that'll feed me with chicken or with vegetables or in Chinese food or just a bowl of squish! I don't remember if I posted it here or if it was on Facebook, but I told Cindy to nuke the spaghetti squash for a few minutes to make it easier to cut - yeah, don't do that. I've done it that way a couple of times and it makes it kinda' mushy/slimyish. I recommend doing it the old fashioned way and risking loss of fingers and/or hands by trying to cut the damn, hard thing. It'll make you appreciate it more if you have to
bleedwork for it. This is one time the internet wasn't helpful for me.
- GLEE! is back on tonight! Oh Finn and Puck, how I love your pretty faces and voices. Glee, glee, glee, GLEE!!!
- Every time I walk by my living room I see the beautiful, fuzzy, warm blanket (infused with LOVE) that Sarina made 'specially for me and it makes me all gooey and happy & I have to stop and pet it. For real, you guys, I don't know if you understand how much this blanket means to me. Sarina does NOT enjoy working and she did actual WORK on this blanket. I loves it!
- And finally, one of my employees has to get rabies shots because a raccoon sneaked into her house through the roof and she woke up with its PAW IN HER MOUTH!!! So, I think that all things considered, I have nothing to complain about and frankly, neither do any of you unless YOU woke up with a raccoon's PAW IN YOUR MOUTH!
Happy No Whining Wednesday!!
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
The World's Second Smallest Violin...
The world's smallest violin actually belongs to a co-worker. She has a "bad" day, every day. Seriously, how do you have a bad day every day? If every day is bad, you're doing it wrong.
All that aside, I'm about to bow the strings of my runner-up, wee violin. Tomorrow is No Whining Wednesday and yet, all I can do is whine. All I want to do is whine Whining just sounds SO good right now.
I feel that I may be coming down with bronchitis. I'm actually certain of it. When I smoked, I used to get it every year and it suh-hucked! Since I quit, almost 3 years ago, I haven't gotten sick, but I recognize that burn in my chest; that scratchy burn in my throat that spreads down to my lungs. Ugh. So, yeah, not that there's ever really a good time to get sick, but now is the opposite of a good time.
- Job Fair with Stupid Thirteen (I've expanded her name) all day on Wednesday. I have to talk to people and smile and be friendly. I have to coax people to talk and I have to talk loudly over the din of the crowded room. Army Douche better not be there, that's all I'm gonna' say about that.
- After the job fair, I'm meeting with the HR ladies I befriended. We've already postponed our get-together twice now, so I'd feel really sucky if I had to reschedule it again, but the idea of talking to job seekers and Stupid Thirteen all day and then going out to talk about work for another couple of hours just fills me with dread.
- Thursday we're bringing in lunch and serving it to our staff as part of Employee Appreciation Week. I just don't think my hacking and throat clearing is going to be appetizing for 300+ employees trying to eat their food.
- The Vice President offered my services to one of the Vice Presidents in the Denver office (because he doesn't have an assistant - I don't know why, I only know that he should have one) to help him edit his budget presentation. I helped our VP with his and I'm certain it's karma's way of teaching me a lesson because, you guys, I totally gloated about red-lining his presentation on Facebook. Now, I'm paying for it. In addition to being out of the office for a full day and then doing employee relations shit all week and OH YEAH, heading that damned committee that he assigned me to a couple of weeks ago, what I really need is to get loaned out to another executive.
- Angel-ica and I are supposed to get together this weekend to play with the Wii Sports Resort and maybe watch Drag Me to Hell, but unless I can do this while laying in bed, doped up on antibiotics and cough syrup with codeine, this doesn't sound the least bit appealing to me.
- And FINALLY, my sexyfuntime friend is back in town next week and DAMMIT, I was looking forward to making the sessy with him and generally not coughing up phlegm globs while he's ripping my clothes o.... ahem...I mean, while we're playing a rousing game of Yahtzee! Naked! We've been sending dirty, sessy texts and emails for the past week in anticipation of seeing each other & now instead, the only thing I want in my mouth is a lozenge. Yeah, I just said that, 'cause I'm a filthy hoo-er.
So, now I need you guys. At the risk of sounding even more obnoxiously dorky than I normally sound, I need your positive energy today to be my "medicine" (or I'll take codeine cough syrup if you have that instead). What good things are going on with you? How's your life?
Sunday, October 11, 2009
If you would like to spoil the day for a grouch, give him a smile.
Dana and I spent Friday afternoon shopping for supplies and planning the logistics of the week. Last Thursday, I gathered the aforementioned 11 positive and grateful employees and dubbed them the Attitude Ambassadors (because I am a GIANT nerd). I gave them each 2 little plastic smiley face trophies with the instruction that they are to give them out this week to people who do nice things for others or people they see being helpful or good role models. Additionally, those employees who receive the awards are supposed to give the trophies away to other co-workers who have been helpful or kind to them...and so on... I also gave them silly little smiley face stickers and asked them to give them to employees who looked like they were stressed or weren't having a good day. I asked them not to tell the employees to "smile!"( because that makes me fucking stabby), but they should give the bummed co-worker a sticker and just nicely tell them that they hope their day gets better or a similar sentiment. I'm really hoping that their example will influence the behavior and attitudes of the other employees.
Some of the activities we have planned for the week include:
- Jeans and tennis shoes every day.
- Raffle tickets will be passed out and all week we'll draw numbers for $25 gift cards to Kohl's, Best Buy, Olive Garden, Old Navy, Bed, Bath & Beyond, Giant Eagle, and Outback Steakhouse. (haaa, I kept typing Steakhorse - totally different!)
- Monday, smiley face notepads and 4-color pens with our company's logo will be distributed to everyone.
- Tuesday will be Creative Arts Day. The staff can wear their favorite movie, tv show or band/concert t-shirt (I'll be wearing my WhiskyBabyNinjaStar shirt, because no one will know what the hell it is and I'll probably say it's a band if anyone asks). We'll be doing a DVD/VHS movie swap where they can bring in old CD's/movies/games and either trade them or just donate them & we'll give them to the local library. We're also giving everyone microwave popcorn packs with our company logo on them and putting big bowls of popcorn, M&M's, Red Hots, Lemon Heads and Milk Duds in all of the break rooms to munch on throughout the day and we're continuing the raffle, but the prizes are $10 gift cards for AMC Theaters and iTunes. I think we have 10 of those to give away.
- Wednesday I'll be at a job fair all day with stupid Thirteen, but the kids at work will be getting caramel apples. There better be some leftover apples for me when I come back on Thursday because caramel apples are one of my favorite things. They're totally healthy 'cause they're fruit, dammit!
- Thursday we're having a catered lunch of roasted chicken, cheesy potatoes (these potatoes are TO DIE for!), applesauce, coleslaw and rolls & butter with yummy giant cookies for dessert. I feel like we're doing something else on Thursday, but I can't think of what it is right now.
- Friday is Sports Day and employees can wear their favorite sports team jersey, t-shirt or sweatshirt. It's also Boss's Day and for all of the Team Leads, Supervisors, Managers and Directors we have handmade AMAZINGLY delicious shortbread cookies iced to look like smiley faces. They will also get pretty little brightly-colored wooden boxes with sayings written inside, like "Every day you get more wonderful". Inside the boxes we'll be putting magnets with different sayings like "Live. Laugh. Love." and other hippy dippy phrases. And then, because I'm 9, we also have a whole bunch of smiley face toys to give to them. Smiley face slap bracelets and pencils; those paddle things with the string and the ball; smiley face stress balls; little plastic slinkies with smiley faces on them, etc., you get the idea. Junky, fun, little things that they can keep or take home to their kids.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
I Am Not the Mom of You!
This has been a challenging week at work. Well, hell, most weeks are challenging, this one has just been mildly more irritating in its challenges. I was tasked by the VP and Directors to create & head a committee of employees to come up with ways to "fix" the office. Fix morale, fix shitty attitudes, fix low productivity, fix high turnover. Yeah, that shouldn't be too hard, right? I mean, gee, "Here Lainey, in addition to all of your regular responsibilities, we are charging you with changing the attitudes of 370 people of varying personalities, ages, genders, socio-economic backgrounds, etc. You need to make 370 people 'like each other and like their jobs'. You're creative and we haven't been able to do it, so here ya' go. Make it happen!"
So, I'll get on that this week, but I have to make sure I leave time for the following conversations that I have daily: (I'm not making any of these up.)
So, I'll get on that this week, but I have to make sure I leave time for the following conversations that I have daily: (I'm not making any of these up.)
Employee #1 - I don't know what to do anymore. The co-worker in the next cube over eats chips and salsa every afternoon and the smell is killing me. Can you make her stop or move my desk?
Employee #2 - My co-worker hums. It's really annoying and I can't take it anymore. Also, she chews gum pretty loud. Can you please send out an email telling people to be respectful of the people around them?
Employee #3 - Someone is wearing really strong perfume or lotion and it's giving me a headache. Can you please send out a reminder email that people shouldn't wear strong scents because some people are sensitive and have allergies? (By the way, we send this out at least 5 times a year and we cover it EXTENSIVELY in New Hire Orientation. It doesn't work.)
Employee #4 - My co-worker made fun of me today because I'd never heard of putting sour cream on jojos. My grandmother is dying and I don't appreciate being made fun of. Can you please move her to another department or tell her she can only talk to me about work-related things?
Employee #5 - Why do the heavier employees get to wear leggings/stretch pants if the rest of us can't? I don't think it's fair. They have stores for bigger people, why can't they get clothes that fit them when we're expected to adhere to the dress code?
Employee #6 - I need copies of my paystubs for the last 12 months. (Me: did you save any of them?) I have most of them at home, but they're not in any kind of order and I'm missing some, but I don't know which ones and I need them today because I'm trying to get a loan. Can you just print them all out? (Without going into the system and individually opening 26 paystubs and reprinting them, no, I can't just print them all out.)
Employee #7 - (Anonymous note on my desk) Please make the supervisors stop calling employees "honey" or "sweetie". It's insulting and demeaning. It's unprofessional. They should be written-up.
Employee #8 - My supervisor has cankles and someone needs to make her wear long pants instead of skirts because it makes me want to puke when I see her legs. (Ok, I *might* have made this one up, but it's not that far-fetched.)
Employee #9 - Someone stole my Pepsi out of the refrigerator. This is the 5th time this has happened. Can we set up a security camera? (Yes, we'll set up a camera for your $.60 soda.)
Employee #10 (my boss) - Ohmygod, did you watch "Two and a Half Men" last night? It is HILARIOUS! God, I love that show!
So, surely I'm not the only one with petty co-workers. What's the most ridiculous/silly/whiny/petty thing you've heard from your co-irkers or supervisor? Please help convince me that while my employees are "special", they aren't unique.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Time to Put on My Big Girl Panties
No, this isn't about how I'm gaining weight (although, if I keep buying caramel apples and banana cake & pretending they count as a fruit, then my ballooning weight might be the next entry), it's about me needing to "man up" and get through tomorrow morning and the next few weeks.
My office crush resigned. Yesterday, you'll remember, was No Whining Wednesday, so even though this happened at 10:00, I kept my mouth shut (except for a couple of strongly worded emails to Sarina) about it. It would be sad if he was just my crush, but he's more. In the last year, he's become my friend. He's one of the VERY few people I can talk to and in whom I can confide at work. I can be myself around him and not some robotic HR version of myself. And, I think, he can be himself around me. We camp out in each others offices when shit's going down and we've had it with the staff. On Friday afternoons, we eat chocolate and surf the internet shopping for Movado watches, (which, OMG, do I want one SOOOOO badly [wait, for real, is it 'badly' or 'bad'? Why can I never remember the rules for adverbs?] but yeah, I can't drop $800 on a watch, but ohhh, so shiny!) and bitch about the retarded decisions the senior executives are making. I can call him anytime and say, "Got a minute?" and if he's not in a meeting or on a conference call, he says, "Sure, come on up. Bring chocolate." Or he'll get finished with a particularly aggravating meeting and he'll come to my office, quietly close the door, sit down in the visitor chair and exclaim (in a loud whisper), "FUCKING IDIOT COCKSUCKERS" and then stand up, nod at me, smile and leave the room. We get each other. That's not easy in my position or in his because we always have to be on our best behavior and you never really know who you can trust & a lot of people in upper management are arrogant jerks. I've trusted him since the "Peanu(t)s" incident, I guess, and he's trusted me since the first time he lost his temper about an employee and dropped the F-Bomb and instead of looking shocked or admonishing him, I laughed.
So anyway, I've known about it since yesterday, but wasn't allowed to discuss it with anyone until today and that blew! So when the supervisor called me this morning at 9:03, crying , I started crying and it was just a big ol' crying thing, off and on, for most of the day. Because, in addition to being all kinds of adorable, he's good at his job and replacing him is going to SUH-HUCK and his supervisor is going to have to pick up the slack until a new director is hired and is up to speed. It's a lot of work.
The staff will be told tomorrow morning and I have to go sit there, stoicly, and be the "HR Presence" when it's announced and I can't cry or even register any emotion. My stupid, little, asshole heart is being ripped out right now because I will miss him so much. With him and Jackie both gone, I have no one at work that I can really talk to. No one I can be my obnoxious, snarky, sarcastic self with. I can't talk to anyone when my boss declares that she can't decide who she loves more: Nickelback or Creed...I mean COME ON, I need to be able to laugh with someone about that shit, right?
This was pretty long and rambling and it really boils down to me being a big, whiny, baby, but I needed to get it out. It's been eating at my insides and I thought maybe if I got it out, it would be easier to sit impassively at the meeting tomorrow. If you've read this far and haven't made the "L" for loser sign with your thumb and forefinger, you're a peach. Thanks for that!
So, in conclusion, do any of you know a cute guy with a Master's Degree in Finance who's looking for a job?
My office crush resigned. Yesterday, you'll remember, was No Whining Wednesday, so even though this happened at 10:00, I kept my mouth shut (except for a couple of strongly worded emails to Sarina) about it. It would be sad if he was just my crush, but he's more. In the last year, he's become my friend. He's one of the VERY few people I can talk to and in whom I can confide at work. I can be myself around him and not some robotic HR version of myself. And, I think, he can be himself around me. We camp out in each others offices when shit's going down and we've had it with the staff. On Friday afternoons, we eat chocolate and surf the internet shopping for Movado watches, (which, OMG, do I want one SOOOOO badly [wait, for real, is it 'badly' or 'bad'? Why can I never remember the rules for adverbs?] but yeah, I can't drop $800 on a watch, but ohhh, so shiny!) and bitch about the retarded decisions the senior executives are making. I can call him anytime and say, "Got a minute?" and if he's not in a meeting or on a conference call, he says, "Sure, come on up. Bring chocolate." Or he'll get finished with a particularly aggravating meeting and he'll come to my office, quietly close the door, sit down in the visitor chair and exclaim (in a loud whisper), "FUCKING IDIOT COCKSUCKERS" and then stand up, nod at me, smile and leave the room. We get each other. That's not easy in my position or in his because we always have to be on our best behavior and you never really know who you can trust & a lot of people in upper management are arrogant jerks. I've trusted him since the "Peanu(t)s" incident, I guess, and he's trusted me since the first time he lost his temper about an employee and dropped the F-Bomb and instead of looking shocked or admonishing him, I laughed.
So anyway, I've known about it since yesterday, but wasn't allowed to discuss it with anyone until today and that blew! So when the supervisor called me this morning at 9:03, crying , I started crying and it was just a big ol' crying thing, off and on, for most of the day. Because, in addition to being all kinds of adorable, he's good at his job and replacing him is going to SUH-HUCK and his supervisor is going to have to pick up the slack until a new director is hired and is up to speed. It's a lot of work.
The staff will be told tomorrow morning and I have to go sit there, stoicly, and be the "HR Presence" when it's announced and I can't cry or even register any emotion. My stupid, little, asshole heart is being ripped out right now because I will miss him so much. With him and Jackie both gone, I have no one at work that I can really talk to. No one I can be my obnoxious, snarky, sarcastic self with. I can't talk to anyone when my boss declares that she can't decide who she loves more: Nickelback or Creed...I mean COME ON, I need to be able to laugh with someone about that shit, right?
This was pretty long and rambling and it really boils down to me being a big, whiny, baby, but I needed to get it out. It's been eating at my insides and I thought maybe if I got it out, it would be easier to sit impassively at the meeting tomorrow. If you've read this far and haven't made the "L" for loser sign with your thumb and forefinger, you're a peach. Thanks for that!
So, in conclusion, do any of you know a cute guy with a Master's Degree in Finance who's looking for a job?
Thursday, September 3, 2009
I Should Have Been a Pre-School Teacher...
An employee, in her late 20's/early 30's sent me an email this morning. It read, "I know you're very busy and there's a lot going on, but can I please come down and talk to you? It's not urgent, but it's pretty important." I told her to come down. This is what she said:
Employee: There's a girl in my department who calls me a nickname and *sniff*, I don't know what to dooooooo!
Me: What does she call you?
Emp: Queen Bee
Me: Ok, have you asked her to stop?
Emp: *crying* Nuuhh-uu-hh
Me: Ok. Have you thought about just asking her to not call you that?
Emp: *sniffle* Yes, but I didn't want her to be mad at me. *snuffle* I don't want to cause any problems or anything.
Me: Ok, hmm. Does she say it in a mean way? I mean, does she have an aggressive tone of voice or expression?
Emp: Nuh-uh.
Me: Hmm. Ok. Um, are you here because you'd like me to ask her to stop calling you that?
Emp: *snifflesnort* Whull, yeah. Um, I mean, I don't want to make a big deal out of it or anything because I don't want her to be mad at me.
Me: So, ok...Do you think she would be less upset by being called down to HR & being talked to? Do you think if you just maybe said, "Hey, um, I know you're just goofing around, but can you not call me that?"
Emp: *gulp* Yabbut, I'm afraid if I say something to her about it, she'll get upset & think I'm being a baby.
REALLY???? Why in the world would she ever think you're being a baby? *sigh* How do you function?
People, your Human Resources department is there to help you and make sure you're being treated fairly and everyone's following all the rules and crap, but we are NOT here to be your mom! In fact, if you act like this, your mom should be fucking smacked for failing to teach you to put on your big girl/boy panties and grow the hell up.
Employee: There's a girl in my department who calls me a nickname and *sniff*, I don't know what to dooooooo!
Me: What does she call you?
Emp: Queen Bee
Me: Ok, have you asked her to stop?
Emp: *crying* Nuuhh-uu-hh
Me: Ok. Have you thought about just asking her to not call you that?
Emp: *sniffle* Yes, but I didn't want her to be mad at me. *snuffle* I don't want to cause any problems or anything.
Me: Ok, hmm. Does she say it in a mean way? I mean, does she have an aggressive tone of voice or expression?
Emp: Nuh-uh.
Me: Hmm. Ok. Um, are you here because you'd like me to ask her to stop calling you that?
Emp: *snifflesnort* Whull, yeah. Um, I mean, I don't want to make a big deal out of it or anything because I don't want her to be mad at me.
Me: So, ok...Do you think she would be less upset by being called down to HR & being talked to? Do you think if you just maybe said, "Hey, um, I know you're just goofing around, but can you not call me that?"
Emp: *gulp* Yabbut, I'm afraid if I say something to her about it, she'll get upset & think I'm being a baby.
REALLY???? Why in the world would she ever think you're being a baby? *sigh* How do you function?
People, your Human Resources department is there to help you and make sure you're being treated fairly and everyone's following all the rules and crap, but we are NOT here to be your mom! In fact, if you act like this, your mom should be fucking smacked for failing to teach you to put on your big girl/boy panties and grow the hell up.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
NWW, Wheeeee!
Hey guys, yeah, I suck. I know. That may or may not have been part of the SEX story I promised you...
I'm finding that between Pajiba, Facebook, Twitter and here, I don't really have that much to say. My boss would find that SHOCKING because I always seem to have plenty of shit to say at work. I think she'd like to institute "No Talking Wednesday". Yeah, that's just not gonna' happen. But really, I just don't have much of anything to write about. If something fun or interesting or annoying happens, I usually put it on Facebook or Twitter and then if I put it here, it seems repetitious (ok, seriously? That's a really hard word to spell!) I'm having trouble coming up with stuff that isn't 400 pages long or just a rehash of my stupid boring days. *sigh* I have no idea why you guys keep coming back. Except for Anna von Beaverplatz. She keeps coming back to see if we're actually the same person. I'm fairly certain that we are. Did you guys read her real time review of The Lost Boys? Ok, go read it. I'll wait.
Speaking of von Beav - we're going to watch Fear Wednesday night. Again, I've published this all over my damn Facebook page, so everyone but Cindy (*ahem*, dude, just come over to the Dark Side. Life is SO much nicer once you just succumb to the Pajiba peer pressure) should have seen the news that we're watching it. I'm pretty excited to watch it because a) it's a REALLY crappy movie, but I love the hell out of it and b) even though he plays a total psycho, it's where my love for Marky Mark was cemented. I love his whispery/raspy voice with the heavy Boston accent. I never had an interest in him when he had his crappy "band" or even when he was a Calvin Klein underwear model. But, as an actor, I dig him. He's got the sexiness.
What else? Oh, Wednesday is my boss's birthday. I'm picking up lunch and bringing a card for everyone to sign. I asked Thirteen if she would pick up a cake or cupcakes. She goes, "Yeah sure. I'll just bring some cookies or something." NO, DUMBASS. CAKE! Whatever. She's really lucky I haven't run over her in the parking lot yet.
I *will* post the SEX story at some point, but I haven't decided yet how much to share & I can't decide if it's even interesting to anyone but me. We'll see. I WILL tell you this though - did you know Amazon.com sells sex toys? Well, they do! Doesn't matter how I know, just say, "thanks for the valuable info, Lainey". You're welcome!
So, you guys up for another round of No Whining Wednesday? Are you still into it? I am! I can't believe the effect it has on my mood. It's amazing the difference I feel when I know that I don't necessarily have to be Suzy Sunshine, but I also know that I can't be Debbie Downer. That second of checking myself before I automatically bitch about something or the energy I redirect from whining to finding something positive in the situation. It really puts me in a better mood from the moment I wake up. Does it do that for you too or are you all just humoring me? I hope it's doing something for each of you. Even if it's just for a couple of minutes a week. Your comments and positive energy are like a drug for me and I look forward to Wednesdays now. Thanks for that!
And now that I've babbled on and on, Happy No Whining Wednesday! Gimme my fix!
I'm finding that between Pajiba, Facebook, Twitter and here, I don't really have that much to say. My boss would find that SHOCKING because I always seem to have plenty of shit to say at work. I think she'd like to institute "No Talking Wednesday". Yeah, that's just not gonna' happen. But really, I just don't have much of anything to write about. If something fun or interesting or annoying happens, I usually put it on Facebook or Twitter and then if I put it here, it seems repetitious (ok, seriously? That's a really hard word to spell!) I'm having trouble coming up with stuff that isn't 400 pages long or just a rehash of my stupid boring days. *sigh* I have no idea why you guys keep coming back. Except for Anna von Beaverplatz. She keeps coming back to see if we're actually the same person. I'm fairly certain that we are. Did you guys read her real time review of The Lost Boys? Ok, go read it. I'll wait.
Speaking of von Beav - we're going to watch Fear Wednesday night. Again, I've published this all over my damn Facebook page, so everyone but Cindy (*ahem*, dude, just come over to the Dark Side. Life is SO much nicer once you just succumb to the Pajiba peer pressure) should have seen the news that we're watching it. I'm pretty excited to watch it because a) it's a REALLY crappy movie, but I love the hell out of it and b) even though he plays a total psycho, it's where my love for Marky Mark was cemented. I love his whispery/raspy voice with the heavy Boston accent. I never had an interest in him when he had his crappy "band" or even when he was a Calvin Klein underwear model. But, as an actor, I dig him. He's got the sexiness.
What else? Oh, Wednesday is my boss's birthday. I'm picking up lunch and bringing a card for everyone to sign. I asked Thirteen if she would pick up a cake or cupcakes. She goes, "Yeah sure. I'll just bring some cookies or something." NO, DUMBASS. CAKE! Whatever. She's really lucky I haven't run over her in the parking lot yet.
I *will* post the SEX story at some point, but I haven't decided yet how much to share & I can't decide if it's even interesting to anyone but me. We'll see. I WILL tell you this though - did you know Amazon.com sells sex toys? Well, they do! Doesn't matter how I know, just say, "thanks for the valuable info, Lainey". You're welcome!
So, you guys up for another round of No Whining Wednesday? Are you still into it? I am! I can't believe the effect it has on my mood. It's amazing the difference I feel when I know that I don't necessarily have to be Suzy Sunshine, but I also know that I can't be Debbie Downer. That second of checking myself before I automatically bitch about something or the energy I redirect from whining to finding something positive in the situation. It really puts me in a better mood from the moment I wake up. Does it do that for you too or are you all just humoring me? I hope it's doing something for each of you. Even if it's just for a couple of minutes a week. Your comments and positive energy are like a drug for me and I look forward to Wednesdays now. Thanks for that!
And now that I've babbled on and on, Happy No Whining Wednesday! Gimme my fix!
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Wooosh! Wednesday Already?
I'm starting to think there's some weird time/space thing going on because DAMN, wasn't it *just* Wednesday? Ok, you know what that means. Hey, I have an idea, I'll go first!
As mentioned before, I bought a Roomba, robot vacuum. I've named him Nemo McSuckerbutt. He has a wee, semi-useless (but lucky!) fin jutting out from his side, so "Nemo" seemed a good name. McSuckerbutt, yeah, I don't really have an answer for that. It just popped into my brain and decided to stick there. I'll probably just call it Nemo. Anyway, my point is, I love him! He's vacuuming my kitchen RIGHT NOW! I swear to God, it's like living with the Jetsons.
Also, I took some of your advice and a smidge of my own and I made some plans. Nothing big, nothing fancy, just plans to be NOT in my house. Well, kinda' to be in my house, but to be in my house with OTHER PEOPLE, so that's progress, right? I emailed a couple of Human Resources ladies that I've met at various HR-related shindigs and asked them if they wanted to meet for drinks and to trade war stories and they said yes! We met tonight for a couple of hours and chatted about really boring HR crap, but it wasn't boring to us, it was pretty entertaining. It helped all of us to know that people act like fucking morons everywhere and it's not just our employees and we each took away a couple of ideas for morale building. In fact, I told them about No Whining Wednesday and they're taking it back to their offices to spread the positive vibes! Also, I called my friend Angelica and we made plans to go get dinner next Friday and then come back to my house & watch "The Soup" and play some Wii Sports Resort. Baby steps, baby steps...
Ok, I have to go rehearse a 2-hour, 180-page, idiotic Sexual Harassment and Workplace Violence Prevention presentation for tomorrow. I promise to do my level best to maintain the integrity of No Whining Wednesday, but I may slip into Sorta' Whining Wednesday since I have to go in an hour early AND I have to stand up in front of a group for 2 hours AND not be an asshole while I'm doing it. That's an awful lot!
I hope you all have a wonderful Wednesday and I'm looking forward to reading all about it! If you're looking for inspiration, check out Be The Change. The links will make your heart smile!
As mentioned before, I bought a Roomba, robot vacuum. I've named him Nemo McSuckerbutt. He has a wee, semi-useless (but lucky!) fin jutting out from his side, so "Nemo" seemed a good name. McSuckerbutt, yeah, I don't really have an answer for that. It just popped into my brain and decided to stick there. I'll probably just call it Nemo. Anyway, my point is, I love him! He's vacuuming my kitchen RIGHT NOW! I swear to God, it's like living with the Jetsons.
Also, I took some of your advice and a smidge of my own and I made some plans. Nothing big, nothing fancy, just plans to be NOT in my house. Well, kinda' to be in my house, but to be in my house with OTHER PEOPLE, so that's progress, right? I emailed a couple of Human Resources ladies that I've met at various HR-related shindigs and asked them if they wanted to meet for drinks and to trade war stories and they said yes! We met tonight for a couple of hours and chatted about really boring HR crap, but it wasn't boring to us, it was pretty entertaining. It helped all of us to know that people act like fucking morons everywhere and it's not just our employees and we each took away a couple of ideas for morale building. In fact, I told them about No Whining Wednesday and they're taking it back to their offices to spread the positive vibes! Also, I called my friend Angelica and we made plans to go get dinner next Friday and then come back to my house & watch "The Soup" and play some Wii Sports Resort. Baby steps, baby steps...
Ok, I have to go rehearse a 2-hour, 180-page, idiotic Sexual Harassment and Workplace Violence Prevention presentation for tomorrow. I promise to do my level best to maintain the integrity of No Whining Wednesday, but I may slip into Sorta' Whining Wednesday since I have to go in an hour early AND I have to stand up in front of a group for 2 hours AND not be an asshole while I'm doing it. That's an awful lot!
I hope you all have a wonderful Wednesday and I'm looking forward to reading all about it! If you're looking for inspiration, check out Be The Change. The links will make your heart smile!
Monday, August 3, 2009
How NOT To Write A Cover Letter - Pt. 2
Remember this? Ok, this one isn't as fantastically awesome as that, but it's still pretty good. And it's Monday. This is the best I can do today. It's exactly as I received it. Oh and the open position is for a Medical Biller & Coder, not that it really matters.
Welcome to my life!
“There are those who look at life and see things as they are. Then, there are those who look at life and see how things could be and ask the question: Why not?”
Robert F. Kennedy
I first want to thank you for your time and hopefully your consideration in me becoming a candidate for the position. I believe it is important first to promulgate the foundation of who I am not only in respect of applying for the position, but also in respect of you gaining a 3 dimensional view of who I am. Starting this process without having that view may leave it in vain.
First and foremost I am an artist trained in music to be specific. I began at age eleven and started classical training. The families of instruments I cover are strings and percussion. I write for all styles of music and all capacities as well. In writing for all various situations I truly believe I have gained a firm grasp on what is needed and what is not needed from an organizational standpoint as well from a leadership role. Working in music teaches you the most important aspects of leadership and work ethic. Values such as quality, efficiency, communication, passion for the work, team work and the most important value of all: humility. The grace in knowing you are wrong and admitting it in order to better the work. The art of conducting and band leading enunciates the value of leading by example and in turn that phrase becomes obligatory for the ones you are leading.
The next dimension of who I am is one of community service. I am a Secular Franciscan and the aspects of Franciscan teaching envelopes helping the sick and poor. I participate in food drives and go in the community and collect food for the poor as well as volunteering at ‘Little sisters of the poor’ retirement hospital with performing music and assisting with what ever they need. These actions give me a greater understanding of helping those who have less or those who need the most help.
In a leadership setting it is essential that no one should be, or feel left out or having feelings that they are not an important member of the team. With these aspects I would like to coagulate this resume into two sections. First music. Second other works. I would like to thank you once again for this opportunity to emancipate the aspects of who I am as a person and as well as my skills. The ability to create or drive or increase profitability for a company is as much an art as writing for a symphony or bringing life to a canvas. I hope that this introductory letter gives you what I hope will be the foundation of who I am for not knowing the root of an employee or for that matter a person can ultimately I believe lead to not knowing what the character of your staff will be.
Welcome to my life!
“There are those who look at life and see things as they are. Then, there are those who look at life and see how things could be and ask the question: Why not?”
Robert F. Kennedy
I first want to thank you for your time and hopefully your consideration in me becoming a candidate for the position. I believe it is important first to promulgate the foundation of who I am not only in respect of applying for the position, but also in respect of you gaining a 3 dimensional view of who I am. Starting this process without having that view may leave it in vain.
First and foremost I am an artist trained in music to be specific. I began at age eleven and started classical training. The families of instruments I cover are strings and percussion. I write for all styles of music and all capacities as well. In writing for all various situations I truly believe I have gained a firm grasp on what is needed and what is not needed from an organizational standpoint as well from a leadership role. Working in music teaches you the most important aspects of leadership and work ethic. Values such as quality, efficiency, communication, passion for the work, team work and the most important value of all: humility. The grace in knowing you are wrong and admitting it in order to better the work. The art of conducting and band leading enunciates the value of leading by example and in turn that phrase becomes obligatory for the ones you are leading.
The next dimension of who I am is one of community service. I am a Secular Franciscan and the aspects of Franciscan teaching envelopes helping the sick and poor. I participate in food drives and go in the community and collect food for the poor as well as volunteering at ‘Little sisters of the poor’ retirement hospital with performing music and assisting with what ever they need. These actions give me a greater understanding of helping those who have less or those who need the most help.
In a leadership setting it is essential that no one should be, or feel left out or having feelings that they are not an important member of the team. With these aspects I would like to coagulate this resume into two sections. First music. Second other works. I would like to thank you once again for this opportunity to emancipate the aspects of who I am as a person and as well as my skills. The ability to create or drive or increase profitability for a company is as much an art as writing for a symphony or bringing life to a canvas. I hope that this introductory letter gives you what I hope will be the foundation of who I am for not knowing the root of an employee or for that matter a person can ultimately I believe lead to not knowing what the character of your staff will be.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
I've Made a Huge Mistake...
Hey kids, remember when I said Thirteen was sucking my will to live? Yeah, I wasn't lying. She's seriously making me hate my job. This is so not cool, because as much as I bitch about it, I basically love my job.
It's like working with an OCD Chihuahua. She's nervous, yappy, repetitive and annoying as hell and I need to like her, but I can't figure out how. My boss called me into her office the other day. She said, "Do you have any idea how funny it is for me to listen to you talk to her all day long and by about 3:00, you're just done. You've had it with being polite. You've had it with being helpful. You're just done."
I was a bit concerned and I honestly felt bad! I said, "Do you think she can tell?"
My boss, who is SO going to Hell, said,"Oh nooooooo, that's the HILARIOUS part! She has no idea how close you are to ripping her face off! I'm pretty sure she thinks you guys are buds!"
Super.
I have to go to a job fair with her all day on Wednesday. Now, if you remember from my earlier post, job fairs are painful, exhausting and an exercise in patience & acting. With Jackie, we could help each other out and keep the mood light, so the day didn't seem quite so heinous. Yeah, I don't really see this happening with Thirteen.
Here are some reasons that she makes me want to punch her in the head:
* She asks the same question OVER AND OVER and never refers to her notes. When I remind her that we've gone over this and it's probably in her notes, the first thing she says is, "I don't think so." After I make her look at her notes, she says, "Oh yeah, that's right." So, wouldn't logic dictate that she should look at her notes first and then ask me?
* She shakes. She's told me that she's on several different medications for anxiety, OCD and who knows what else. That's fine. People have nervous issues, I'm cool with that. I take anti-anxiety medication when I fly. (And sometimes just for fun!) But, then with all of those different drugs in you, why are you still a quivering mass of vibrating nerves? You make ME nervous. Stop it. Plus, she twirls her hair when she's nervous, so that pretty much means *constantly*. She twirls and twirls and then her eyes glaze over when you're having a conversation and I think this explains why she doesn't retain any information. She's drugged out & zoning. Hey, if I have to be sober at work, so should she!
* She set up a webcam to watch her cat. I don't think this needs further comment.
* She's OBSESSED with all things Twilight, Edward Cullen and Robert Pattinson. First she said she didn't like RPatz, but turns out that was kind of a lie. She LOOOOOOOVES him and sends me text messages to tell me that according to the Facebook quiz she took, Robert "I need a bath" Pattinson is her celebrity dream boyfriend.
* She can't seem to read body language or facial cues. She does ok with applicants, I guess, but she can't seem to tell when I'm getting annoyed or impatient. This is bad, because I'm pretty obvious about it. If she can't read me, then it concerns me that she'll not be able to read our boss's or other upper management's tone and body language & will annoy them, which let's face it, this will come back to bite me because they'll just refuse to deal with her and will come to me instead.
* The other day, we were talking about how an employee was not going to be eligible for a referral bonus because the applicant didn't list the referring employee's name anywhere on their application or new hire paperwork. Thirteen said, "Will the employee think we 'Jewed' them out of their bonus?" Wait, WHAT??? Did you just actually fucking SAY that? I didn't even respond at the time, because I was so taken aback by the comment. Is that something the kids say nowadays? I'll have to talk to her about it sometime (soon!), but I keep waiting to hear what other completely inappropriate bon mots she's going to drop.
* I'm pretty sure she's bulimic. The girl weighs all of 100 pounds, and I see the crap she eats! She's not a nibbler. She either works out for 3 hours a day or she pukes. Also, because she's so freakin' skinny, she's cold all the time. It's JULY and she wears a sweater or coat every day. It's JULY!
* She doesn't seem to grasp the subtleties of sarcasm. She thinks I'm serious when I say something that is obviously sarcastic or facetious. When she tries to be sarcastic, it comes off as caustic & mean sounding. She tries to emulate my conversational style with the management staff, but they know me. They're used to me & I know who I can be sarcastic with and, more importantly, who I can't. She doesn't & they don't know if she's kidding or not & several have already decided she's a snotty halfwit. I've tried explaining to her that she needs to know her audience and she just glazes over and says, "Oh, right, I know. She knew I was playing." Um, nuh-uh!
Ok, I'm finished. Sorry, I just had to get that out, because, you guys, I need help! I need to like her. I need to be able to work with her & I need to be able to mentor her and I don't know what to do. I'm not saying I need to be friends with her, but I have to be able to spend 8 - 10 hours a day with her and NOT dream of ways to catch her hair in the shredder. Talking to my boss about fixing it is not an option. She's tasked me with this. Ideas? Suggestions? I'll take anything you're offering except ways to kill her or get her fired. I have enough of those...
It's like working with an OCD Chihuahua. She's nervous, yappy, repetitive and annoying as hell and I need to like her, but I can't figure out how. My boss called me into her office the other day. She said, "Do you have any idea how funny it is for me to listen to you talk to her all day long and by about 3:00, you're just done. You've had it with being polite. You've had it with being helpful. You're just done."
I was a bit concerned and I honestly felt bad! I said, "Do you think she can tell?"
My boss, who is SO going to Hell, said,"Oh nooooooo, that's the HILARIOUS part! She has no idea how close you are to ripping her face off! I'm pretty sure she thinks you guys are buds!"
Super.
I have to go to a job fair with her all day on Wednesday. Now, if you remember from my earlier post, job fairs are painful, exhausting and an exercise in patience & acting. With Jackie, we could help each other out and keep the mood light, so the day didn't seem quite so heinous. Yeah, I don't really see this happening with Thirteen.
Here are some reasons that she makes me want to punch her in the head:
* She asks the same question OVER AND OVER and never refers to her notes. When I remind her that we've gone over this and it's probably in her notes, the first thing she says is, "I don't think so." After I make her look at her notes, she says, "Oh yeah, that's right." So, wouldn't logic dictate that she should look at her notes first and then ask me?
* She shakes. She's told me that she's on several different medications for anxiety, OCD and who knows what else. That's fine. People have nervous issues, I'm cool with that. I take anti-anxiety medication when I fly. (And sometimes just for fun!) But, then with all of those different drugs in you, why are you still a quivering mass of vibrating nerves? You make ME nervous. Stop it. Plus, she twirls her hair when she's nervous, so that pretty much means *constantly*. She twirls and twirls and then her eyes glaze over when you're having a conversation and I think this explains why she doesn't retain any information. She's drugged out & zoning. Hey, if I have to be sober at work, so should she!
* She set up a webcam to watch her cat. I don't think this needs further comment.
* She's OBSESSED with all things Twilight, Edward Cullen and Robert Pattinson. First she said she didn't like RPatz, but turns out that was kind of a lie. She LOOOOOOOVES him and sends me text messages to tell me that according to the Facebook quiz she took, Robert "I need a bath" Pattinson is her celebrity dream boyfriend.
* She can't seem to read body language or facial cues. She does ok with applicants, I guess, but she can't seem to tell when I'm getting annoyed or impatient. This is bad, because I'm pretty obvious about it. If she can't read me, then it concerns me that she'll not be able to read our boss's or other upper management's tone and body language & will annoy them, which let's face it, this will come back to bite me because they'll just refuse to deal with her and will come to me instead.
* The other day, we were talking about how an employee was not going to be eligible for a referral bonus because the applicant didn't list the referring employee's name anywhere on their application or new hire paperwork. Thirteen said, "Will the employee think we 'Jewed' them out of their bonus?" Wait, WHAT??? Did you just actually fucking SAY that? I didn't even respond at the time, because I was so taken aback by the comment. Is that something the kids say nowadays? I'll have to talk to her about it sometime (soon!), but I keep waiting to hear what other completely inappropriate bon mots she's going to drop.
* I'm pretty sure she's bulimic. The girl weighs all of 100 pounds, and I see the crap she eats! She's not a nibbler. She either works out for 3 hours a day or she pukes. Also, because she's so freakin' skinny, she's cold all the time. It's JULY and she wears a sweater or coat every day. It's JULY!
* She doesn't seem to grasp the subtleties of sarcasm. She thinks I'm serious when I say something that is obviously sarcastic or facetious. When she tries to be sarcastic, it comes off as caustic & mean sounding. She tries to emulate my conversational style with the management staff, but they know me. They're used to me & I know who I can be sarcastic with and, more importantly, who I can't. She doesn't & they don't know if she's kidding or not & several have already decided she's a snotty halfwit. I've tried explaining to her that she needs to know her audience and she just glazes over and says, "Oh, right, I know. She knew I was playing." Um, nuh-uh!
Ok, I'm finished. Sorry, I just had to get that out, because, you guys, I need help! I need to like her. I need to be able to work with her & I need to be able to mentor her and I don't know what to do. I'm not saying I need to be friends with her, but I have to be able to spend 8 - 10 hours a day with her and NOT dream of ways to catch her hair in the shredder. Talking to my boss about fixing it is not an option. She's tasked me with this. Ideas? Suggestions? I'll take anything you're offering except ways to kill her or get her fired. I have enough of those...
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
A Hodgepodge of Blah
Few things going on. Nothing really worthy of its own entry, so I'm just going to cram 'em all into one.
First up - Thirteen is sucking my will to live. Here's a tip, never hire someone based primarily on the tv shows they watch. (Turns out you can love both "The Office" AND be obsessed with "Twilight" & Edward Cullen. Who knew?) Ok, that's not really fair. *Anyone* in this position would annoy me, while they're training, because I'm terribly impatient and not good at hiding it. BUT, when I tell someone repeatedly to take notes about something I'm teaching them and then I tell them repeatedly to use said notes for future reference, I get peeved when they completely ignore this & continue to repeatedly ask me the same question. Also, I took a vacation day today. Our boss and other co-workers are still in the office. I didn't leave her completely on her own. I told Thirteen that she could call me if she had questions. Evidently, she thinks far more literally than I do, because she's called me for every question that has popped into her head today and also to tell me her aunt's dog died last night & she's sad. She called to ask me why her computer screen is turning green when she tries to quit a program. She called to ask me if she should have an applicant take a test. She called to ask me what she should do with an application I put on her desk last night. (I put a note on the application; it said, "Give to Deb W. Ask her to call the applicant to do a phone interview".) Then she called me back to ask me where Deb sits. Dude, that's not exactly what I meant when I said call if you have questions. Whatever, I'll eat that mistake. Live and learn.
Next - I got my hair straightened last night and it went, to put it mildly, horribly wrong. I get my hair straightened every 3 or 4 months and it normally comes out just dandy. For the record and at the risk of sounding terribly conceited, I have great hair. However, it's neither curly nor straight and it's not technically wavy either. It's more bumpy. It holds curl beautifully and it straightens nicely as well. It was damn near perfect in the '80's when big hair was all the rage. In the summer, the humidity makes it frizzy and knotted underneath and it takes entirely too much effort to maintain it for work, so I get it chemically straightened. For whatever reason, the lady I've been going to for 10 years decided to do it differently than she normally does and now...well, now it's just wretched. It looks like Hat Head. Like I've been wearing a knit cap pulled tightly over my crown for approximately 37 days and now I've taken it off. My hair is FAH-LAT smooshed against my skull at the top and then hangs straight and full at the bottom, so to say it looks rather like a pyramid would not be untrue. I paid $112 for this look that I could have achieved by wearing a do rag & using a flat iron.
And finally - something's wrong with my brain. I don't talk about this, to anyone, but I'm going through a really rough patch lately because I can't get this jerk out of my head. I hate myself for loving him and I hate myself for missing him and I hate myself for being a douchey, crybaby girl, but the fact of the matter is, he was my best friend and I miss him. Every day. It doesn't go away. It doesn't hurt less. It's not getting better. My heart aches & I get a lump in my throat every single day because every single day I want to talk to him. He has a starring role in most of my dreams and I hate that I wake up every morning and the first thing I think of is him. I want him to make me laugh and I want to know how he is and I want to be able to have a friendship with him and it makes me SO angry & sad that I can't. Balls.
Since I hate ending things on a total downer, I'm sharing this little tidbit with you. I recently installed a Stat Counter because I was curious as to how people wind up here. Not surprisingly, most of you are from Pajiba or Facebook (and since the only people I have on Facebook are from Pajiba, basically you're all pretty much here from Pajiba). However, sometimes folks get here by way of Google and the shit they're searching for is HI-larious! Below are some actual search phrases that led them to this here fancy blog. Please to enjoy!
"opposite of exciting" - Okay, 3 different people searched for that and wound up here. C'mon that's just funny!
But these just baffle me:
"mom jerking daddy off"
"moms and me or two guys"
"Bang My Step Mom"
"mom told me that it is good for girly boy to suck cock"
"Mom busted boys in jerking contest on the stairs"
Welcome visitors with sexual mommy issues! Pull up a chair and stay for a while. We love new people!
First up - Thirteen is sucking my will to live. Here's a tip, never hire someone based primarily on the tv shows they watch. (Turns out you can love both "The Office" AND be obsessed with "Twilight" & Edward Cullen. Who knew?) Ok, that's not really fair. *Anyone* in this position would annoy me, while they're training, because I'm terribly impatient and not good at hiding it. BUT, when I tell someone repeatedly to take notes about something I'm teaching them and then I tell them repeatedly to use said notes for future reference, I get peeved when they completely ignore this & continue to repeatedly ask me the same question. Also, I took a vacation day today. Our boss and other co-workers are still in the office. I didn't leave her completely on her own. I told Thirteen that she could call me if she had questions. Evidently, she thinks far more literally than I do, because she's called me for every question that has popped into her head today and also to tell me her aunt's dog died last night & she's sad. She called to ask me why her computer screen is turning green when she tries to quit a program. She called to ask me if she should have an applicant take a test. She called to ask me what she should do with an application I put on her desk last night. (I put a note on the application; it said, "Give to Deb W. Ask her to call the applicant to do a phone interview".) Then she called me back to ask me where Deb sits. Dude, that's not exactly what I meant when I said call if you have questions. Whatever, I'll eat that mistake. Live and learn.
Next - I got my hair straightened last night and it went, to put it mildly, horribly wrong. I get my hair straightened every 3 or 4 months and it normally comes out just dandy. For the record and at the risk of sounding terribly conceited, I have great hair. However, it's neither curly nor straight and it's not technically wavy either. It's more bumpy. It holds curl beautifully and it straightens nicely as well. It was damn near perfect in the '80's when big hair was all the rage. In the summer, the humidity makes it frizzy and knotted underneath and it takes entirely too much effort to maintain it for work, so I get it chemically straightened. For whatever reason, the lady I've been going to for 10 years decided to do it differently than she normally does and now...well, now it's just wretched. It looks like Hat Head. Like I've been wearing a knit cap pulled tightly over my crown for approximately 37 days and now I've taken it off. My hair is FAH-LAT smooshed against my skull at the top and then hangs straight and full at the bottom, so to say it looks rather like a pyramid would not be untrue. I paid $112 for this look that I could have achieved by wearing a do rag & using a flat iron.
And finally - something's wrong with my brain. I don't talk about this, to anyone, but I'm going through a really rough patch lately because I can't get this jerk out of my head. I hate myself for loving him and I hate myself for missing him and I hate myself for being a douchey, crybaby girl, but the fact of the matter is, he was my best friend and I miss him. Every day. It doesn't go away. It doesn't hurt less. It's not getting better. My heart aches & I get a lump in my throat every single day because every single day I want to talk to him. He has a starring role in most of my dreams and I hate that I wake up every morning and the first thing I think of is him. I want him to make me laugh and I want to know how he is and I want to be able to have a friendship with him and it makes me SO angry & sad that I can't. Balls.
Since I hate ending things on a total downer, I'm sharing this little tidbit with you. I recently installed a Stat Counter because I was curious as to how people wind up here. Not surprisingly, most of you are from Pajiba or Facebook (and since the only people I have on Facebook are from Pajiba, basically you're all pretty much here from Pajiba). However, sometimes folks get here by way of Google and the shit they're searching for is HI-larious! Below are some actual search phrases that led them to this here fancy blog. Please to enjoy!
"opposite of exciting" - Okay, 3 different people searched for that and wound up here. C'mon that's just funny!
But these just baffle me:
"mom jerking daddy off"
"moms and me or two guys"
"Bang My Step Mom"
"mom told me that it is good for girly boy to suck cock"
"Mom busted boys in jerking contest on the stairs"
Welcome visitors with sexual mommy issues! Pull up a chair and stay for a while. We love new people!
Monday, June 8, 2009
Scrantonicity
After interviewing every skinny, blonde, 22-year-old girl named Courtney/Lindsay/Casey/Bailey/Kelsy/etc., we have a new recruiter. YAY!!!
We hired a skinny, brunette 22-year-old with a name ending in "Y"!
In actuality, we only interviewed 13 people (plus another 5 or 6 on the phone) and the girl we hired was number 13. From here on out, I will refer to her as "Thirteen". Couple reasons for this.
First - I can't remember her damn name! Seriously, after the parade of perky "Y's", all of them blend together in my head and I keep referring to her by the wrong name.
Second - I used a fake name for Jackie, so it's only fair that I give her a pseudonym, too.
Third - She looks kind of like Olivia Wilde who plays, "Thirteen" on House. Yes, she's 22, smart, thin and beautiful. No, I don't hate her yet.
She was one of several qualified candidates. Everyone we talked to was smart and engaging and had some or most of the skills we were looking for. It was hard to narrow it down. None of them really won us over immediately like Jackie did and my boss and I were becoming discouraged. And then Thirteen came in for her interview.
She was, honestly, no better or worse than any of the others we had talked to. However, she commented on "The Office" calendar hanging on my bulletin board. She asked if I was a fan and I said that my boss and I love it. She smiled and said she liked it, too. We finished the interview and at the end she asked if I would like her LinkedIn address. I said, sure. She pulled a notepad out of her purse & wrote the address on it. Imprinted across the top of the note was:
That's what *she* said.
And that's how Thirteen became the new Jackie.
We hired a skinny, brunette 22-year-old with a name ending in "Y"!
In actuality, we only interviewed 13 people (plus another 5 or 6 on the phone) and the girl we hired was number 13. From here on out, I will refer to her as "Thirteen". Couple reasons for this.
First - I can't remember her damn name! Seriously, after the parade of perky "Y's", all of them blend together in my head and I keep referring to her by the wrong name.
Second - I used a fake name for Jackie, so it's only fair that I give her a pseudonym, too.
Third - She looks kind of like Olivia Wilde who plays, "Thirteen" on House. Yes, she's 22, smart, thin and beautiful. No, I don't hate her yet.
She was one of several qualified candidates. Everyone we talked to was smart and engaging and had some or most of the skills we were looking for. It was hard to narrow it down. None of them really won us over immediately like Jackie did and my boss and I were becoming discouraged. And then Thirteen came in for her interview.
She was, honestly, no better or worse than any of the others we had talked to. However, she commented on "The Office" calendar hanging on my bulletin board. She asked if I was a fan and I said that my boss and I love it. She smiled and said she liked it, too. We finished the interview and at the end she asked if I would like her LinkedIn address. I said, sure. She pulled a notepad out of her purse & wrote the address on it. Imprinted across the top of the note was:
That's what *she* said.
And that's how Thirteen became the new Jackie.
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