Sunday, April 19, 2009

Army Had Half-Day Today

Tidbits from the Job Fair:

Our booth was next to the Army's. There were two guys manning their booth. One was smiley and kind of quiet, the other? Eww. Picture the most obnoxious guy you can think of at the gym, drinking his "Rockstar Monster Energy Drink" or whatever the hell it is, flexing in front of the mirror and yelling "BOO-YAHHH" after every set (or rep. I don't know what it's called. It's not like I hang out in gyms).

So, Jackie and I are sitting at our booth, waiting for the applicants to be let in and Douchey McArmy starts chatting us up. Within 11 seconds I was finished even pretending to listen. Jackie is more patient than I am and definitely better at hiding her annoyance. About 45 minutes in, Douchey walks over and (loudly) says, "Jesus Christ, where'd they find these idiots?" Nice, dude. Then he says to Jackie, "There's a bunch of what we like to call, 'UCI's' here", to which Jackie replied, "UCI's?" and he sneers, "Unqualified Inquiries", obviously pleased with himself. Jackie gave him a perplexed look and said, "Um, why is that called a UCI"? He pulls himself up to his full douchetude and says, "UCI - UN QUALIFIED INQUIRY". Jackie says, "yeah, but, where's the 'c' coming from"? He looks at her like she's the most retarded person he's talked to all day and says, "UN QUALI...oh, um, haa...I I don't know, now that you mention it." DURRRR. Ass.

Later, while there was a lull, he crouched down next to Jackie and presented her with a Go Army coffee mug. Evidently, Jackie didn't show the appropriate amount of gratitude because he then lectured her on the VALUE of a mug from the UNITED STATES ARMY and "when you drink your coffee from that cup, YOU'RE DRINKING FREEDOM, TOO!" Jackie doesn't respond well to raised voices and tends to take it personally. He continued to natter on and eventually wound up the one-sided conversation with, "I'm not even sure why they selected me to do this. It's not like I'm the most personable guy" to which Jackie replies, "At least you know your weaknesses!"

He stopped coming by after that. Haa, I love her!

6 comments:

Girl With Curious Hair said...

I'm surprised you aren't familiar with UCI in your line of work. Un-Cwalified Inquiry.

Now excuse me as I enjoy my cup of Freedom.

(On a serious note, this is the best they could send to a job fair?)

Lainey said...

Girl - I read your comment to Jackie. She promptly retrieved her White-Out and wrote, "Freedom Cup" on the mug and has prominently displayed it on her bookcase. Until we get fired because we're assholes...

And yes, isn't it sad?

Sarah Booz said...

I would not be able to handle it. Holy hell. I would stab him with a pen.

lordhelmet said...

Zing!! I love it! Such admirable restraint in the face of such provocation deserves a fine cup of freedom juice in her freely given freedom mug. What a tool! Good for her!

Figgylicious said...

DRINK FREEDOM!

Heee!

jamiepants said...

Everytime anyone's drinking anything, I will now scream at them, "YOU'RE DRINKING FREEDOM, TOO!"
Awesome.