Tuesday, October 13, 2009

The World's Second Smallest Violin...

The world's smallest violin actually belongs to a co-worker.  She has a "bad" day, every day.  Seriously, how do you have a bad day every day?  If every day is bad, you're doing it wrong. 

All that aside, I'm about to bow the strings of my runner-up, wee violin.  Tomorrow is No Whining Wednesday and yet, all I can do is whine.  All I want to do is whine  Whining just sounds SO good right now.

I feel that I may be coming down with bronchitis.  I'm actually certain of it.  When I smoked, I used to get it every year and it suh-hucked!  Since I quit, almost 3 years ago, I haven't gotten sick, but I recognize that burn in my chest;   that scratchy burn in my throat that spreads down to my lungs.  Ugh.  So, yeah, not that there's ever really a good time to get sick, but now is the opposite of a good time. 

 - Job Fair with Stupid Thirteen (I've expanded her name) all day on Wednesday.  I have to talk to people and smile and be friendly.  I have to coax people to talk and I have to talk loudly over the din of the crowded room.  Army Douche better not be there, that's all I'm gonna' say about that.

 - After the job fair, I'm meeting with the HR ladies I befriended.  We've already postponed our get-together twice now, so I'd feel really sucky if I had to reschedule it again, but the idea of talking to job seekers and Stupid Thirteen all day and then going out to talk about work for another couple of hours just fills me with dread.

- Thursday we're bringing in lunch and serving it to our staff as part of Employee Appreciation Week.  I just don't think my hacking and throat clearing is going to be appetizing for 300+ employees trying to eat their food.

 - The Vice President offered my services to one of the Vice Presidents in the Denver office (because he doesn't have an assistant  - I don't know why, I only know that he should have one) to help him edit his budget presentation.  I helped our VP with his and I'm certain it's karma's way of teaching me a lesson because, you guys, I totally gloated about red-lining his presentation on Facebook.  Now, I'm paying for it.  In addition to being out of the office for a full day and then doing employee relations shit all week and OH YEAH, heading that damned committee that he assigned me to a couple of weeks ago, what I really need is to get loaned out to another executive.   

 - Angel-ica and I are supposed to get together this weekend to play with the Wii Sports Resort and maybe watch Drag Me to Hell, but unless I can do this while laying in bed, doped up on antibiotics and cough syrup with codeine, this doesn't sound the least bit appealing to me.

- And FINALLY, my sexyfuntime friend is back in town next week and DAMMIT, I was looking forward to making the sessy with him and generally not coughing up phlegm globs while he's ripping my clothes o.... ahem...I mean, while we're playing a rousing game of Yahtzee!  Naked!  We've been sending dirty, sessy texts and emails for the past week in anticipation of seeing each other & now instead, the only thing I want in my mouth is a lozenge.  Yeah, I just said that, 'cause I'm a filthy hoo-er.

So, now I need you guys.  At the risk of sounding even more obnoxiously dorky than I normally sound, I need your positive energy today to be my "medicine" (or I'll take codeine cough syrup if you have that instead).  What good things are going on with you?  How's your life?


Rusty said...

Oo! I have good news but it's kind of secret for the moment. You'll find out soon though, I promise!

Uh… I currently have a tiny single serving plastic bottle of wine and as I was looking at it was like "This would be the perfect size for my American Girl Dolls!" because I used to try and find miniature versions of big things for them. Then I thought of a tableau involving my American girl dolls clutching mini-wine bottles and realized I'm probably demented, because now I REALLY WANT TO DO THAT.

Get well soon! Have you tried that Mucinex stuff? I hear it can work wonders for chest congestion.

Lainey said...

Rusty - Ooh, I'm intrigued!

DO IT, DO IT, DO IT!!! And then take pictures of your drunken, slutty dolls (ha, I made them trampy) having a wine party. Oooh, name one of them Stacey!

The Management said...

At the risk of sounding like I usually do. My new assistant doesn't suck. She's articulate, intelligent and only has to have soemthing explained to her once. (As compared to handholding the previous part-timer) Plus, she's not an ugly woman. That sounds terrible but, really, you'd have to see the options I was presented with to appreciate what I'm saying.

Hope you feel better in time for sexyfuntime, Bobainey.

Deistbrawler said...

This song has been in my head for a week now. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8YYfn32yRlM

Cindy said...

I'll second Genny's Mucinex nomination. Oh, and please take pictures of the American Girl drunken orgy!

Feel better Ms. Lainey.

Anna von Beaverplatz said...

Ugh bronchitis. HATE. I'm sending you healing powers OF MY MIND. Right through the air. Don't ask how it's possible, just accept it. It's MAGIC.
And there will be sexy funtimes for all! Or at least for you.

I'm midway through my THIRD week of being sick, but I finally actually feel pretty chipper today, at least so far! I'm ridiculously psyched about the Cannonball Read starting anew so I can join in, hooray! And other stuff too! I'll blog about it today and dedicate it to you.

Feel better fast, Lainey Awesomeface Bobainey!

Anna von Beaverplatz said...

P.S. Rusty, please post photos of your dolls' drunken, trampy party.

Nicolae said...

Keeping you and your health in mind. At worst, make certain it's a big lozenge with cream filling.

Hey, I'm trying to help!

Eyvi Sprite said...

So I am probably missing the point, but after the sexyfuntime guy comes to visit, will we get the SEXY post you've been promising?

I have no advice to offer that will help ease the pain. Our drugs aren't as good up here as your's are.

Spender said...

I have naught to offer but best wishes, a bottle of SpenderCorp "Happy FunTime Elixir For Mind And Body" and a StabbyMart Gift Cerificate, which Mr. Admin and I will happily hand deliver to your boudoir. Feel better Lainey... we command it!

Whorish Mouth said...

Miz Lainey, you must not forgo sexyfuntime for bronchitis. Drug yourself as much as possible and have at it. As for me, today was not a bad day. Work was terrible as always, but not more so than most days. I got to see my friend's new baby today. And my heart is feeling better. :) No whining. Or wheezing-take meds!

Figgylicious said...

Sessy times! Even through the sickness! It'll be so romantic.

Oh I love your posts. They crack me up.

Lainey said...

Thanks, guys! I meant to reply to your comments earlier, but I've been under the influence of Nyquil as often as possible for the last few days. It's hard to focus & type when you're on the 'quil, ya' know?

Thanks for your good wishes - they meant a lot! Not as much as the cough syrup with codeine that I asked for, but it's better than nothing. ;)

Seriously, thank you.