Hell Yeah to the Chief

So, one of my job duties is to cover for the receptionist’s breaks and lunches one week each month. I’m not exactly a fan of the receptionist and I find her to be annoying as all hell, BUT, she is pretty good at her job and she hasn’t gone on a massive killing spree, which frankly, I find shocking. If I had to answer those goddamn phones all day, every day, I’d be shooting people. A lot.

Anyway, so this week is my week. Typically, the hour I’m covering consists of a whole bunch of irritating people who call and say,

“Did you just call me?” Nope. No, I did not.

“Well, this number just showed up on my caller ID.”

“Did the caller leave you a message?” I ask as politely as possible.

“No.”

“Then, I’m not sure who called sir/ma’am. We have approximately 350 employees here. It could have been anyone.”

“Well, what did they want?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know who called you. I’m sure they’ll call back if it was important.”

“Well, what kind of company is this?”

“It’s an ambulance transport service.”

“Well, what do you do?”

“Um, transport people by ambulance.” (I thought that was clear, but whatever.)

“Well, why are you calling me?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t call you.”

“Well, who did?”

You get the idea…

There are also a lot of hang ups and “sorry, wrong number”. Occasionally, there’s a recorded message call. Sometimes I’ll listen to them, because I am bored when I’m covering the front desk, but usually I disconnect. One came in today. It started out the same as the regular recorded messages:

“Hello, please stay on the line for an important message. The following is a text message sent to you from 2-1-6-5-5-5-blah, blah, blah…”

I was about to hang up, but I stayed on because Chatty von Chatterstein was walking by and I knew she’d stop to talk to me if I wasn’t sitting with the phone pressed against my ear, looking busy, busy, busy. So, the female computerized voice finishes telling me the number the message is from and then it says, in a totally monotone, tinny, digitized voice,

“Start message. Tomorrow, hell yeah. Obama, BITCHES! End message.”

I laughed so hard I snorted. It was awesome.