Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Conversations with My Father - Pt. 4


You guys?  I'm almost starting to suspect that some of you are messing with me.  My dad called. *sigh*

Dad:  Hi, I know you're at work and can't really talk, but I bought a UPS and I need you to help me with it.
Me:  What?
Dad:  You know, one of those UPS things.
Me:  *sigh*  ... Umm?
Dad:  For driving.  A CPU.
Me:  Wait, you just bought this?  What does the box say it is?
Dad:  Dammit, Lainey, it's just one of those CPS map things!  Jesus, sorry I don't know the EXACT name of it!
Me:  A GPS?  You bought a GPS?  WHY?  I have one, you can have mine.
Dad:  I don't want yours, I have my own now.  Can you come by after work and teach me how to use it?
Me:  Dad, you drive cars for a living, I'm pretty sure you know every single road in this city, why do you need a GPS?
Dad:  Because I just DO.  Can you stop by or not?
Me:  Sure.  I haven't had a headache in 3 whole days, so yeah, I'm about due...

Phone rings 20 seconds later:
Dad:  Will this plug into my phone or does it get wired in through the odometer?  (True story!)

Here's a bonus conversation for you.  This took place a couple of years ago.

Dad:  What's that one movie?
Me:  Which one movie?
Dad:  The one with that guy I like.
Me:  ....Umm?
Dad:  *sigh*  You KNOW.  The one with the Other Ben.
Me:  You mean Matt Damon?
Dad:  YES, what's that movie?
Me:  I have no idea...he's in a lot of movies.
Dad:  Dammit, Lainey, you know the one!  The one with that girl who was like a crazy, teenager, stripper with the girl from Clueless.
Me:  ... ....
Dad:  YEP, that's it!
Me:  That was actually Ben Affleck, not the Other Ben.
Dad:  Oh, ok then, well what's that one movie with the Other Ben?
Me:  I'm done with this conversation... I have a headache.


Cindy said...

Why you gotta frustrate your poor Dad so much, Lainey? One set of three letters is as good as another.

TK said...

If I ever have kids, I'm totally going to act like this on purpose, just to screw with them. I figure kids are a giant pain in the ass, so you need a way to get revenge, right? And since now you can't beat 'em anymore, might as well try out some subtler, psy-ops stuff.

I think your dad is an evil genius, and I would like to shake his hand.

Pinky McLadybits said...

I think that your Dad and my in-laws should become Super Fun Interwebs Pals. They can forward each other emails that they can't open and complain about not being able to figure out their CPS deals in their cars.

tamatha said...

Lainey - Although I'm sorry for the headaches, I *love* your dad. He makes for the best stories! Hope everything went well with the UPS/CPU/CPS.

Xtreme said...

I've said it before, I'll say it again: You're dad is Denny Crane. And yes, that's a compliment.

Lainey said...

So, he took the "stupid fucking thing" back to the store. 'Cause, yeah, *it's* the stupid one...

I'm glad you guys like these stories. He provides ample fodder. Also, TK, that's part of why it drives me nuts, I can't figure out if he's doing it on purpose or not. He probably has a blog and writes about how easy it is to frustrate his asshole daughter!