Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Feelings Are STUPID.


I don't trust people very easily.  I'm very trusting, but I don't put my actual trust in many people.  Does that make sense?  I believe people when they tell me shit (almost too much, I'm super gullible), but I don't really tell a lot of people my shit...especially about my feelings. I'll fill out all the stupid Facebook memes you want and update my status 9 times a day, I'll give vague answers to questions via email, or empathize with an employee by using personal anecdotes, but I won't really talk about anything important or how I feel.  I'll tell you what I did or what I said, but rarely how I feel.  Hell, this here fancy blog is the closest I've ever come to talking about stuff that really matters to me and even then I mostly dance around it, because now I'm all self-conscious since I "know" a bunch of you.  There are only a handful of people that I've really opened up to in my life...a handful in MY LIFE and I'm 40, so, you do the math.  I've been deeply hurt by almost all of them.  Sometimes it's something egregious and unforgivable and sometimes it's just the realization that they're not the person I thought they were.  Both scenarios hurt like a sonofabitch and send me to bed with stomach aches and a giant lump in my throat. 

I have a stomach ache and a lump in my throat.

8 comments:

Deistbrawler said...

I really like this blog...I suppose because there is nothing cute to it. Just raw and truthful.

I'm the same way though. I'm actually on my second blog now. My first blog too many people I knew in real life found it and it began to cause drama. So I abandoned it. This time I don't really give a shit.

Pants said...

Dearest Lainey,

I'm so sorry you are hurting. That sucks and you deserve better. If you want I'll write you a list to remind you of all the reasons why (you are awesome). Also, if you need me to hunt down and beat on whomever stomped on your heart I will (I'm not that big, but I'm scary as a mofo if need be).

Maybe now is the time to come visit me and ride on our new boat. For serious!

Kiss on your forehead

Cindy said...

What the fork? Who hurt you? I'll beat 'em with a stick.

jamiepants said...

Ohhhhh, I love you, dear.

brite said...

((((hugs))) hun...wish I could make it all better!

Lainey said...

Thanks, guys! I often write stuff and delete it before publishing it. You made me glad that I didn't delete it.

Nicolae said...

Sorry things went badly. I hope the next person doesn't leave you with indigestion.

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