Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Feelings Are STUPID.
I don't trust people very easily. I'm very trusting, but I don't put my actual trust in many people. Does that make sense? I believe people when they tell me shit (almost too much, I'm super gullible), but I don't really tell a lot of people my shit...especially about my feelings. I'll fill out all the stupid Facebook memes you want and update my status 9 times a day, I'll give vague answers to questions via email, or empathize with an employee by using personal anecdotes, but I won't really talk about anything important or how I feel. I'll tell you what I did or what I said, but rarely how I feel. Hell, this here fancy blog is the closest I've ever come to talking about stuff that really matters to me and even then I mostly dance around it, because now I'm all self-conscious since I "know" a bunch of you. There are only a handful of people that I've really opened up to in my life...a handful in MY LIFE and I'm 40, so, you do the math. I've been deeply hurt by almost all of them. Sometimes it's something egregious and unforgivable and sometimes it's just the realization that they're not the person I thought they were. Both scenarios hurt like a sonofabitch and send me to bed with stomach aches and a giant lump in my throat.
I have a stomach ache and a lump in my throat.