Saturday, April 10, 2010

Conversations with My Father Pt. 3

This is a true story and JUST happened like 5 minutes ago.

Dad: Did you take $200 out of my checking account?
Me: Yeah, like 2 or 3 weeks ago.
Dad: Why would you do that?
Me: Um, remember that $200 check I asked you to deposit for me and you accidentally deposited it in *your* account and I said, "No big deal, I'll just transfer it to my account". Remember that?
Dad: Well I DO NOW, but I didn't remember it earlier when I got my bank statement and it said "$200 withdrawal - internet transfer" and I marched down to the bank demanding to know who the fuck was stealing money from me on the internet! And the girl said, "Oh no! Let me see what's going on...oh, Mr. Bobainey, a Miss Lainey Bobainey transferred $200 from your account, on which she has signature ability (that you made her take time off of work to go fucking get so that she could access your whopping $1100 checking account in case you die in your sleep and she needs money to have someone haul out the 400 fucking jars of pickles that you keep buying because they're only $.88 apiece even though you never eat them, but by all means, keep buying them because hey, why not... she might not have actually said any of this part...), to her account on March 27th."
Me: *facepalm* Great, so now the bank thinks I'm embezzling from my father. Awse. Dad, why didn't you ask me first instead of going to the bank?
Dad: Because, LAINEY, I've seen this on the news. Internet people hijack (I think he meant "hack") into the accounts of rich old people and take a little bit at a time so no one becomes suspicious and since you put my account on the internet (not even going to bother trying to correct him on this one) when you got access to it, I was afraid it notified hijackers or something.
Me: Ok, first of all, you're only 62 and you're also not exactly rich. Secondly, you need to just stop watching the news.
Dad: Maybe the bank should have something in place where they send an email if someone tries to access your account?
Me: But, you don't have an email...
Me: *sigh* Nope, you're right - I forgot. I'll call the bank on Monday and tell them to send you an email at dennybobainey at the internet dot com from now on.
Dad: Good. That's just common sense, you know?
Me: Yep...

Phone rings 20 seconds later...
Dad:  Will you check my email - maybe the bank already does this?


Sarah said...

Well, if it makes you feel any better, my dad is gonna be 67 in less than a month and he's at least 80% crazier than your dad.

jM said...

I want a 'Shit Lainey's Dad Says' show.

Kate said...

Too funny!
... My dad is boring.

I agree with jM.
I want a show!

Kate x

brite said...

Awww you two are hilarious...and sweet. Loved this!

Xtreme said...

Now, is Denny you dad's real name, because as a Boston Legal / William Shatner fan, I think that's the most awse thing ever!

Lainey said...

That show would mostly consist of him raising & lowering his glasses trying to read a label and then telling me a story about that guy he ran into who's the brother of that one guy from that one time...remember? He had on that stupid looking scarf thing & he was with that other guy...? How do you NOT remember this? Well anyway, I saw him at the grocery store and he said to tell you "hi". I don't how entertaining that show would actually be.

Lainey said...

Oh and Xtreme, yes, his real name is Denny. But don't try to impersonate him on the internet or steal his identity. He's watched "60 Minutes" and knows all about this stuff.

Snath said...

My dad would be turning 58 tomorrow, if he wasn't dead.



Pants said...

I agree, that show needs to be made. I suggest you pitch it, or else I will and make a freaking bundle (and I'll only pay you royalties in Chilean blueberries and kisses).