Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Conversations With My Father...

This happened today.

Dad:  Sorry to bother you at work; I know you're busy.
Me:   Not really.  Just dicking around on Facebook at the moment.
Dad:  What's a facebook?
Me:   You know what?  Doesn't matter.  What's up?
Dad:  Do I have an email?
Me:   Um, no.
Dad:  Why not?
Me:   You don't have a computer.
Dad:  You have to have a computer to have the email?
Me:   No, but you can't read the email without a computer or on your phone.
Dad:  If I had an email would it just be "Denny at the internet dot com"?
Me:   No.  No, it would not.
Dad:  Why not?
Me:   Dad, do you think you're the only Denny in the world?
Dad:  Well, no shit, obviously, it would be "Denny Bobainey* at the internet dot com".
Me:  Obviously.
Dad:  So, can you make me an email and if I tell someone to send me something, do I tell them "Denny Bobainey at the internet dot com"?
Me:   No.  Dad.... I can create an email address for you, but why don't you just have them send it to my email address and I'll print it for you?
Dad:  Because.  Just make me that email.
Me:   Ok, whatever.  Are you waiting for something, 'cause that's not a real email address.
Dad:  Well, it will be when you make it.
Me:   No, Dad...it doesn't really work that way. 
Dad:  Why not?  How many Denny Bobaineys can there be?
Me:   It's not a valid address - there is no such thing as "at the internet dot com", but even if there was, let's just say there was, I have no idea how many Denny Bobaineys there are in the world and also, your  name doesn't even have to actually be Denny Bobainey to use it.
Dad:  What?  You mean Dick McDickface, down the street, can use my name for his internet if he wants?
Me:  Well, yes, but if his name's Dick McDickface, I don't know why he'd want your name.  His name is AWESOME.
Dad:  No, seriously, anyone can use my name and pretend to be me?
Me:  Well, kind of. 
Dad: Well, that's some bullshit right there.
Me:  Maybe you should write to the president and tell him that.
Dad:  I CAN'T - I don't have an EMAIL and even if I did, how would the president really know it was me?
Me:   I don't know.  I'll have to think about that and get back to you.

20 seconds later the phone rings:

Dad:  Is Facebook that internet yearbook thing?
Me:   Kinda', yeah, it kind of is.
Dad:  Look on there and see if anyone's pretending to be me!

And scene!

*Not his real name.  Please don't try to impersonate him on the internets or try to steal his Social Security Checks.


Anonymous said...

That is awesome and close to my conversations with my mother. Even though she DOES have an email and a FB page, she's still . . . well I'm going to call her special.


Figgylicious said...

I seriously couldn't stop laughing. Specially the Dick McDickface bit. Brilliant!

Girl With Curious Hair said...

He obviously has great faith in your abilities to make things on the internet. He may have sounded a little bit like a kid insisting he's grown up. He doesn't want YOUR email address, he wants his OWN.

Seriously, I laughed so much.

Spender said...

Dear Godtopus... I cannot stop laughing!
Thank you.

Nicolae said...

This was hilarious. I like your dad.

Lizzie said...

That was totally hilarious. Happy Wednesday morning!

The Management said...

I'm going to start impersonating your dad because I need to reach that level of oblivious awesomeness!

Cindy said...

I love it! Tell your Dad I'm sending him an email - all he has to do is find it.

Anna von Beaverplatz said...

I love your dad, so, so much. I'm totally stealing his email address. In future, you can email me at DennyBobainey @ the internet.com.

Whorish Mouth said...

I heart your dad.

brite said...

You two are freakin hilarious! Thank you, that was really really the best laugh I've had all day.

Lainey said...

Aw, thanks guys! I told my dad I wrote a blog post about him. He, of course, asked if he had a blog. I told him "no" and he seemed ok with that. Then he asked me why I have one and I said, "Because sometimes I have funny things happen and people like to read about it" and he said, "Who? Who would want to read about your life? You watch tv and you have a cat. How interesting can your life be? I watch tv and I don't currently have a cat, but I've had them in past. Maybe I should have a blog."

I didn't have an argument for that.