Monday, November 9, 2009

Ten Things

The lovely and adorable Eyvi Sprite gave me a major award!  Then she basically hit me in the face with it because I was required to do WORK.  So, because I am nothing if not a sucker for pretend internet awards, I present to you my Ten Things You Didn't Know and Probably Didn't Care about me...

1)  I don't eat condiments.  Sour cream is disgusting.  Ketchup is gross.  Mustard is fucking vile!  I'll eat mayo if it's in tuna salad and it has to be barely visible.  I have a theory that people who drown their food in condiments grew up with parents (or even just one parent) who couldn't cook.  I have no idea if this is a valid theory or not, but it's set in my head because...

2)  My dad is an AMAZING cook!  He doesn't follow any recipes, he just throws a bunch of different shit in a pan & it comes out delicious.  I'd like to be able to just instinctively cook like he does.

3)  I don't have a favorite color. Colors are situational to me.  For example:  My favorite color of clothing is probably green.  My favorite color of car is charcoal.  My favorite color of flower is purple...maybe yellow.  I can't pick a favorite color.

4)  The first DVD I ever bought was The Sweetest Thing.  Say what you want about Cameron Diaz, but Christina Applegate is fucking awesome and I will watch her in anything (including Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead, which I also own!)

5)  I'm always shocked when employees say they're afraid of me or they're nervous when they see me, because I know what a giant nerdgirl I am & that I have *no* authority at work, I can't believe that I could make anyone nervous or worried that they'll be in trouble.

6)  I played Powderpuff Football in high school.  I was approximately 5'0" and weighed 103 lbs and I was the Center.  It. Was. Awesome.  I only started playing it because the varsity boys football players were the coaches for the girl teams and then I ended up loving it SO much and actually being good at, I became the captain for my junior and senior years.

7)  I took Ecstasy once (like 10 years ago) and LOVED it.  Lu-huved it!  I've never done it since because I loved it so much I fear that it would become a habit.

8)  I haven't eaten at Burger King since 1994 or 1995.  They changed their fries to some weird-ass crispy gross things and I haven't eaten there since.  Turns out, I don't really miss it.

9)  Jesus, this is HARD (that's what she said) - Oooh, speaking of Jesus, I'm finished with my Christmas shopping already!  And I have the cards, I just need to write and mail them.  YAY for online shopping!  I really couldn't tell you the last time I stepped foot in a mall during the holidays and as with BK fries, turns out, I don't really miss it.  Also, I haven't had a Christmas tree since I was 13.  I may get a little one this year...

10) As if anyone's still reading at this point - 10th, but probably the most important little known fact is how important to me all of you are.  Every time I get a comment I'm amazed and grateful and happy and genuinely baffled.  I'm baffled because seriously, don't you people have better things to do with your time than read this drivel?  It's fascinating to me that anyone reads this period, but reads it regularly and takes the time to comment?  Fascinating and very, very gratifying.  So, I hope you all know that even though I don't understand why you're here, I'm very grateful and I love all of my little bluggies (blog buddies) so much.  Thank you!


Girl With Curious Hair said...

I'm amazed at the time of the posting--and impressed.

I read your blog because it always makes me smile--if not laugh till I cry. I also keep coming back in the hopes that you announce a surprise trip to San Diego--you know, for old time's sake.

Trouble said...

I read you blog because it always makes me smile! You're smart, silly, funny, and completely awesome in a nerd-girl kind of way. Who wouldn't want to keep in touch through blog?

You don't miss BK? Oh man, I get a craving about once a year for a Whopper...(I rarely indulge it, though...)

Anna von Beaverplatz said...

You're FINISHED with your Christmas shopping? Seriously, dude? I don't know if we can be friends anymore. (I'll be racing around on Christmas Eve, getting presents at the convenience store. Except for my nieces & nephew, because them, I love.)(Hee! I'm so evil.) Plus, I LOVE condiments. Because they taste awesome. ESPECIALLY sour cream and mayo. To be fair, I'm not that fond of ketchup, and also, I'm not generally a slatherer. I like a little little bit of condiments. Except sour cream, which I can eat spoonfuls of by itself.

However, I also no longer eat at Burger King, McDonalds, etc. etc. Occasionally I will go to Wendy's at lunch and get... a baked potato. Every once in a while, maybe once a year, I miss KFC. So I get something, and I remember why I don't eat it anymore. Often I remember for days. AND I can't pick a favorite color either! I love them all. Even poor, maligned orange.

P.S. You are awesome.

Anonymous said...

i love your list so much, i want to marry it.
i'm a ketchup fiend, but mayo and mustard can go straight to hell.
also, i love early christmas shopping, some drugs, AND your dad.

Cindy said...

I do not like you for finishing your shopping. And if you are a "list maker", I will be crushed! But I still love you.

I am not nuts over condiments (and btw you theory is wrong), but fries without ketchup are hardly worth it - unless they are McD's (those I like straight). I gotta have mustard on my hot dogs! Mayo skeeves me sometimes, but a little in an egg salad or chicken or tuna salad is necessary.

Could you please do all my Christmas shopping now?

jM said...

But your drivel comes in my favorite color and slathered in delicious condiments! Secret's out, lady. You're awesome and we know it and we really want to show it.

High-five on #7. I had to jump off that boat pretty fast, too. And techno? Blerg.

Deistbrawler said...

You had me at XTC.

Anonymous said...

How did you finish your Christmas shopping already? That's not even FAIR.

Regarding Christmas trees, we have a small one, pre-lit (though we put an extra strand of red lights on it) and I love it. Fake trees have gotten so much better looking!

Also, real mayonnaise rules. Especially on french fries and poboys. So . . . nyah.


Eyvi Sprite said...

Awww, you rock! Although, no sour cream or mayo? Really?

Also, you're all done Christmas shopping? That', you're my hero. I wish I was done. Sadly, I haven't even begun.

You totally need a tree. Even just a little one.

Lainey said...

Girl - You're going to be so less impressed when I tell you that not only was it a scheduled post, but I screwed up the time and it posted 12 hours before it was supposed to! I forgot to change that little AM/PM doodad!

Trouble - Aw, you're sweet! And I've never had a craving for a Whopper, but I have for their old chicken sandwich.

AvB - ME, TOO! I occasionally get a burger from Wendy's & once a year I think I like KFC & then I eat it and remember that I don't. And I LOVE orange, too! You know what looks surprisingly lovely together (particularly in flowers)? Orange and purple!

P.S. YOU are awesome!

gp - Mustard CAN go straight to hell! And it can take bleu cheese dressing with it! Aw, my dad would probably love you, too - it would confuse the hell out of him if I tried to explain who you are and what a "Pajiba" is.

Cindy My Christmas shopping really isn't as impressive as it sounds. I don't have that many people to shop for. My theory is totally untested, btw. Just me and my ex (who LOVED condiments and whose mom was a shitty cook). The Scientific Method is not one of my strong points.

jM - You just tickle me! And, yeah, can you believe that you used to be able to just BUY that shit legally in bars when I was in high school? Thank God I didn't know about it then.

Deist - Seriously. SERIOUSLY!

tfw - I think I'm going to get one this year! If I can keep the damn cat away from it, I think it'll be festive and fun. Mmm, I haven't had a poboy in years or a muffuletta. I need to get some jars of olive salad so I can make my own nummies!

Eyvi - No sour cream, but I will eat chip dip on occasion, which is just basically sour cream... I'm trying to expand my horizons! I can't be your hero yet. Let's see if I get the damn cards written and mailed this year. If I do that, THEN I can be your hero! ;)

The Management said...

Condiments are perfectly fine when used properly. Like on nipples and other such erogenous zones.

Here, I'll show you.