Not Everyone Can Be An Astronaut

In pursuit of my latest addiction, Aquafina lip balm, (SHUT UP, addiction is a serious matter and is not something to be ridiculed!) I went to DrugMart, by my house.  I call it MethMart and trust me when I tell you that in order for me to willingly go there, I was DESPERATE for my balm fix.  I found my presssshhhus (and maybe some blueberry cheesecake ice cream, again, stfu, thankyouverymuch) and headed to the checkout line.  The girl behind the register was about 19 or 20 and was a big fan of glittery eyeshadow and lip piercings that maybe looked a tidge infected.  This was our conversation.

Me:  Hi, how are you?
Her:  What?
Me:  How are you?
Her:  Oh.
Me: . . .
Her:  I've never seen this before.  I didn't know Aquafina made lip balm.
Me:  It's great - it's my new favorite.
Her:  What does it taste like?  Does it taste like water?
Me:  . . . Pardon?
Her:  The lip balm, does it taste like water?
Me: Um... no.  It tastes kind of minty.
Her:  Oh.  I don't think I would like that. 
Me:  Pardon?
Her:  I don't think I would like that.  Huh, it's weird.
Me:  Oh... um, well, I have a lot of lip balms that are mint-flavored, so I guess I'm used to it.
Her:  No, I meant mint-flavored water.  I didn't know they had that.  I don't think I'd like it.
Me:  . . . *blink*  Ummmm?  What?
Her:  Aquafina.  I didn't know they made mint-flavored water.
Me:  Oh... I don't think they do.  I think just the lip balm is mint-flavored.
Her:  Oh.  I wonder if there's lemon-flavored water.  That would be good.
Me:  Hmmm, ok, have a good night!

Aaaaaand scene.

I hope she enjoys working at MethMart and more importantly, I hope MethMart enjoys her, because she's probably not going to be receiving multiple offers of employment on a regular basis...

Conversations with My Father - Pt. 8

Dad:  Lainey, do you put the tops back on bottles when you throw them away?

Me:   Huh?

Dad:  When you throw away your plastic bottles of whatever, do you put the lid back on?

Me:   Um, I might.  I think probably I do.

Dad:  Stop doing that!  I saw something where there are MILES and MILES of floating bottles, MILLIONS of them, in the ocean.  It's just awful.  MILES of them, Lainey.  Covering the surface of the ocean!

Me:  So, that doesn't happen if you leave the lids off?

Dad:  No, then they just sink to the bottom and no one can see them.

Me:  Soooo, your concern is not the pollution of the oceans, it's one of aesthetics?
Dad:  Oh, yes, of course.  I'm sure the ocean floor is covered in trash, but I don't give a shit, because I can't see it.  The floating bottles just look tacky, don't you think?