I Am Goophy!

Once again, I got nothing.  SO, because you're obviously *very* lucky, I'm going to post the silly email exchange I had with Meg.  It made me giggle like a phool!  I am very easily amused.  Obviously.
at 12:55 PM, Meg wrote:

i had the pho and now i am phull.

Lainey:
Ha!  You are phunny!

Meg:

are you not online anymore?
motherphucker.

Lainey:
I'm on a conf. call w/ a presentation on my computer.
DAMMIT - con-phurance call!

Meg:

phreak.

Lainey:
Are you phrustrated?

Meg:

phurious

Lainey:
Don't de-phriend me!

Meg:

Don't phool yourself. There's a definite phinality about this. 

Lainey:
 I'm sorry - I don't want to piss you oph.  Especially on a Phriday!

Lainey:
PHINE, just stop.  I wasn't phinished.  Phlake.

Meg:

woah. Phor phuck's sake, girlphriend. Calm yourselph. No phreak outs on a phriday, got it?

Lainey:
I've had a lot of capheine!  Sometimes I phorget to philter myselph!

 Meg:

I'd eat my phoot for a phrappucino right about now.

Lainey:
This is making me laph phar too much!

Meg:

Don't.  Your ass will get phired.

Seriously, SO dumb.  Giggled like an idiot.  This is why I make the big bucks.

Conversations With My Father Pt. 2

This happened today.

Dad:  What do you want for your birthday?

Me:    Nothing really, thanks.

Dad:  You must want something.  I don't know what to get you.

Me:   Well, I don't really need anything, but thanks for thinking of me!

Dad:   Oh come on - what's just one thing that you want?

Me:    Hmmm, ok, well, I could use some shears to trim flower stems.  

Dad:   Why?

Me:    I like arranging flowers and they need to be cut, but I only have scissors and I end up crushing their stems and killing them.

Dad:  I'm pretty sure I have something like that in the garage or the basement closet or something.  Just go look through there.

Me:  Ok then.... Hmm, I would LOVE to have an Amazon giftcard!

Dad:  Where would I get that?

Me:   Probably at the grocery store or wherever they sell giftcards.

Dad:  Why don't I just give you money and then you can buy your own giftcard?

Me:  *sigh*  It's fine.  I really don't need anything.  I was just giving you some suggestions, but I really don't need anything.

Dad:  How about a fur coat?

Me:   WHAT the what?

Dad:  I saw these really pretty fur coats the other day - fox, I think, how about one of those?

Me:    ...

Dad:   Would you rather have something besides fox?  Like chinchilla or something?

Me:  ...  Um, do you remember when you gave me that fur stole and I was too squicked out to touch it?

Dad:  Yeah, but what if the animals died a NATURAL death, then would that be ok?

Me:   You mean like if 20 foxes just all died of old age and then someone gathered them up and SKINNED THEIR CORPSES to make me a coat, would that be ok?

Dad:  Gahd, you're so dramatic.  No, what if they all died in an earthquake or something?

Me:   Ok, I'm gonna' go...

Phone rings 20 seconds later -

Dad:  Do you want one of those camera things you put on the back of your car, so you can see when you're backing up?

Me:   ...

Lost. LOST. LOOOOSSST. L.O.S.T. Lost!

LOST is back tonight and I think it's fair to say that I'm pretty freakin' excited about it!  There have been many awesome things associated with LOST, but the link below is my FAVORIST ever!  It auto-plays and there's sound, so if you're at work, beware.

Seriously, I could watch this over and over and over.  It's like 3 years old and I've seen it 40 times and I STILL LOVE it.

Enjoy!

I Am a Thieving Thief

I copied this entry idea from my delightful friend A Lover and a Fighter over at Hobocamp, because A) I adore her and everything she does and B) because I have nothing to write about and I feel like a big ol' lazy lazyass and need to write something soon before you all go away and find BETTER boring people to read about.


Things You'll Never Hear Me Say:

• Pie is not suitable for dinner.
• I can't wait to dust!
• Please get me LOTS of ketchup packets and make SURE they put extra mustard on it!
• Hyperbole is stupid.
• I plan to be the first in line for this new technology.
• I beat Meg at a game of Scrabble. 
• $10 is not too much to spend on lip balm.
• There's nothing worth watching on tv, so I'm just going to do something productive instead.
• Being in "The Friend Zone" is just as good.  
• I am very graceful and have superior balance.
• No, I don't have to pee.
• I don't need anything from Sephora.
• My job is fulfilling and makes me feel good about my life choices.
• Oh, happy day, these pants fit perfectly & I won't need to wear heels with them or have them hemmed!
• I'm too thin and tan.

 Things I Never Thought I Would Say & Yet Have Said:

• My mp3 player needs more memory.
• Quitting smoking was actually pretty easy.
• I like my freckles.
• Coke Zero is delicious!
• Pine nuts are of THE DEVIL.
• The problem with kids today...
• I've met some of my closest friends and favorite people over the internet.
• I'm going to be FORTY in a month.
• Brussel sprouts are tasty.
• I don't know if I could live without Facebook.
• I kind of like living in Ohio. (mostly)
• According to Google Reader, 45 people read this nonsense.

What about you?  What's something you'll never say and something you never thought you'd say?