Sunday, March 29, 2009

Decisions, Decisions...

I have nothing going on. Nothing to post about. BUT, I know that you guys are probably just dying to know what’s going on with me. I’m sure you’re furiously emailing each other going, “where’s Lainey? What’s she doing? What’s going on in her life? I NEED TO KNOW! I NEEEEEEEED TO KNOW, DAMMIT!”

Settle down, lovelies, it’s ok. Shhh, *stroking your hair* it’s ok. I’m here now.

I finally got my taste buds back. YAY. But now, because I simply cannot live without conflict and self-created drama, I can’t decide what to eat. This happens almost every day. I have too many choices. I will probably end up eating a handful of peanuts and microwave popcorn because I simply cannot choose between all of the wonderful food in my kitchen. Here are my choices:

Homemade chili and naan
Freakin’ AWESOME pasta salad with chicken
Chicken with mashed potatoes, cauliflower, asparagus and edemame
Chicken with sweet potatoes, cauliflower, and cranberry orange sauce
Turkey sausage & pierogies and applesauce
Spaghetti, garlic bread and salad
Eggs, turkey sausage, toast and half an orange and some blueberries
Leftover pizza
Grilled cheese, sweet potato fries and an apple
Shrimp, wild rice and asparagus
Crab legs, baked potato, cauliflower and edemame
Black bean soup and naan
Hard-boiled egg, string cheese, crackers, hummus, and an orange
Special K Blueberry cereal (which is good, but doesn’t taste like blueberries. Tastes like purple.)

PLUS, I can’t decide what to drink. Should I have Diet Coke with Splenda? Diet Barq’s? Orange juice? Grape juice? Lemonade? Diet Pepsi? Plain water? Protein water? AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGH! I could have had a V8!

My wee brain cannot make a decision. All of these delicious foods are in my refrigerator or pantry right now. It’s not a matter of which would take longer to make or what one is healthier than the other. I simply can’t decide. This happens almost every day. Seriously. It’s really bad. Sometimes, I just go to bed without eating because I literally can’t choose. And then sometimes, I just say, “fuck it” and go to Chipotle.

I have little doubt that you’re thinking, “You’re a dick. If this is your biggest problem in life, you need to shut the hell up. People are starving in other parts of the world.” I know. I realize how unbelievably lucky I am and I’m truly grateful. I don’t mean for this to come off as whining or “oh woe is me, I can’t decide what to shove in my fat little face today. Wahhhhhhhh!” I’m just putting it out there as more of an example of what a freak I am.

Also, I believe careful readers will notice that motherfucking pine nuts are not included in any of the above menu options. Fucking pine nuts.


Jeremy Feist said...

Ugh, I hate when you can't figure out what to eat. It's really quite frustrating, until you remember that if given the opportunity, about 75% of the world's population would kick you square in the balls/vajooter for thinking this. Oh well.

And holy shit, fuck you, you are not 40. What the hell? You look like you would be in like you 20's! I really do kinda hate you right now.

meaux said...

Ooh, a dilemma...I vote pasta salad with chicken--I hear it's freakin' awesome. Oh, but black bean soup and naan sounds yummy too... I'd definitely go with OJ to drink. Diet drinks are icky. Stupid aspartame.

So, did you feed the fucking pine nuts to the fucking squirrels or what?

meaux said...

Holy crow, I think I'm unintentionally stalking Jeremy! We just commented on Marra's blog at the same time too!

Anna von Beaverplatz said...

Tell you what. I'll come over, and you can make all of these things for me to test, and then I'll decide what you're in the mood for.

If it helps, I'm leaning towards cauliflower.

Girl With Curious Hair said...

I'm here to help:

Freeze the chili and black bean soup.
Skip the Special K and egg/turkey sausage (yum) combo, because they're all breakfast foods.

Now, warm up the crab legs, baked potato and cauliflower and edemame. Enjoy with Diet Coke.

Lainey said...

Jeremy, I know and trust me, I really do realize that my "problem" is not actually a "problem". And no, darling, I'm not 40. I'm 39. You're so sweet to me!

meaux, I DID give the fucking pine nuts to the fucking squirrels. I haven't heard back from them, so I don't know if they liked them or not. Ungrateful squirrels. I'm not fond of them.

AvB - any time! Any time! You're all welcome!

Girl - Mmmm, breakfast food for dinner = brinner! Good call on the freezing of the chili and soup. I always forget to freeze stuff.