Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Lazy, Lazy, Lazy, Lazy, Lazy, Lazy, Lainey...


Do you guys remember that Shel Silverstein poem? My name should have been Jane.

I may have outlazied myself tonight. I needed to iron the sleeves and collar of the blouse I plan to wear tomorrow. I tried spraying them with water and smoothing them out, but that didn't seem to help. I looked through the closet for a sweater to wear over it, but that didn't work out so well. So, rather than just get out the ironing board, I attempted to iron the sleeves on the lid of my toilet. It worked okaaay, not great. I don't know that it was worth the hassle and it probably would have been less energy and time expended if I'd have just set up the damn ironing board in the first place. *sigh* Live and learn. Live and learn.

So, this made me curious. What's the laziest thing you've ever done? I'd like to make a contest out of it. There probably won't be a prize or anything, because hello? Lazy. But, I'd really like to a) feel slightly better about myself and b) pick up some useful tips to supplement my laziness.

I'll throw one out that isn't mine. My friend Ann MaRetard once dressed her infant in layers. She reasoned that this way, when the baby urped throughout the day, she could just remove a layer of clothing rather than redressing the kid several times. I thought it was brilliant. Her husband wasn't as impressed.

Ok - GO! Dazzle me!


Sarah said...

I was once at a friend's house and ended up staying overnight. The next day, we were going to see some dumb cover band at some dumb white trash bar that served some dumb drink called a Train Wreck (it had a dozen different kinds of liquor in it or some shit). Aaaaanyway... I was wearing, like, yoga pants and a hoodie, which is not really concert appropriate, even for a dumb cover band in a dumb white trash bar. It's like 25 minutes to my house from hers, and I didn't want to drive all the way there and back just to change clothes. So I went out and bought new clothes. To wear to a dumb white trash bar, to see a dumb cover band and drink a dumb Train Wreck. That, my lovely, is epic laziness.

Jeremy Feist said...

I put off my Western Civ paper until the last minute. Literally. I'm finishing it right now, and it's due in about two hour. Fuck my life. I'm sure there are other moments of laziness I've had that are far worse, but, granted, I'm far too lazy to think of any of them. Oh, the irony of it all.

Anonymous said...

When I was in school I once watched an entire Jerry Lewis movie rather than do my homework.

Yep, I'm waaaay too lazy

Also, I don't know how to post properly and I'm too lazy to learn so this is going to say anonymous posted it, but its Park *waves*

Sofi said...

Can't believe I'm telling this story...

One night, when I was around 8 years old, I was too lazy to go to the bathroom, so I peed in the corner of my room. You couldn't just mop it off.

Carpeted floors, people.

meaux said...

Oh Sofi, I'm weak! That is a hilarious story. 'Fraid I can't top that.

I'm sure I could come up with a really good specific example, but...well...I'm too lazy. The general state of my house is a testament to my laziness. It gets a proper cleaning when we're expecting company...but that's about it. I only do laundry when I'm out of socks and undies--and I have been known to use my lack of clean clothes as an excuse to go shopping.

Anna von Beaverplatz said...

Haha! Meaux, I have frequently laughed at myself for being to lazy to do laundry, but not too lazy to go shopping which, let's face it, requires more effort.

I have been known to watch hours-long marathons of TV programs I don't care for because the remote was all... the way... over... there. I have also been known to eat cookies and potato chips for dinner (or a block of cheese and a sleeve of crackers, or ice cream with approximately 20 cherries on it, or half a container of ricotta cheese) because I was too lazy to either cook or go buy food, and those were what I had in the house. Hm. Sometimes it's tasty to be lazy!

Lainey said...

Wow! That's some laziness, people! I'm impressed and also comforted to know that it's not just me.

One weekend, in college, it was my turn to do the dishes. One of my roommates had a mini-dinner party a couple of nights before, so pretty much every dish in the place was dirty and had crap dried on it. Rather than do the dishes, I threw them away and bought new ones. That may have been one of the laziest things EVER.

I would also like to point out that it is 1:30 in the afternoon on a Saturday and I'm still in my robe, drinking coffee, bed-hair, dicking around on the computer. I think lazy is just encoded on my DNA.

PS: Park! HI! Thanks for coming by. When I first read your comment, I thought it said, "Jenny Lewis" and I didn't know why that was such a bad or lazy thing. "Jerry Lewis" on the other hand...

jamiepants said...

I cannot tell you how many times I've bought clothes because I was either too lazy to drive the 3 extra blocks to my house to pick some up (which usually resulted in my going waaaay out of my way to buy said clothes) or because I didn't want to do laundry.
In retrospect, this may all just be a lame rationalization for me to buy new clothes...

My super-laziness always has to do with pee-ing. I will never pee until I am about to explode. On any normal day, I will be at work and realize that I have to pee. I will then finish my day, go to my 3-hour class, end up at my bar, realize that my pancreas hurts because OH YEAH! I still haven't frickin peed. I'm retarded.

I'll quit babbling now.

Lainey said...

jamiepants - sorry loveypants, I meant to reply to this DAYS ago, but I'm a failure. And lazy.

When I come to New Orleans, you will pee more often than you've ever peed in your life. I have the bladder of a small child. I have been in some SCARY ass, skeezy bars in NOLA due to my wee wee-holder and my inability to wait until we could get to a more suitable venue. You'll see. I got out of Jury Duty once because of this. Note from my doctor and everything. True story!

Tracer Bullet said...

I had a loft in college and instead of getting out bed, I just pissed in a bottle my grandfather got at the hospital when he had knee-replacement surgery. I didn't bother to empty everyday even though I went to the restroom to brush my teeth.

But the absolute laziest thing I've ever heard of was a guy I knew in college named Mike. He switched his major from English Lit to Education because Education didn't have a language requirement. That is EPIC laziness.

Lainey said...

Tracer, did you ever accidentally knock it over? That woulda' su-hucked! And that Mike guy? BRILLIANT! Lazy, but smart. That's exactly the kind of teacher I would have wanted. He probably never assigned homework.