Sunday, August 1, 2010

Conversations with My Father - Pt. 5

Dad:  I bought you some eggs.
Me:  Oh, um, thanks?
Dad:  From the bar.
Me:  You bought me eggs at a bar?  What?  Are they pickled or something?
Dad:  No.  God.  From the Farley's farm.  They have chickens.
Me:  Oh, ok, well now that you've cleared that up...
Dad:  And I got you some of that pepper cheese you like.
Me:  Do they have cows, too?
Dad:  What?  Who said anything about cows?  *Chickens*.
Me:  I know, chickens make eggs, but cows make cheese.  Well, they don't MAKE cheese, but, you know.
Dad:  What the hell are you talking about?  
Me:  Right.  I'm the crazy one.
Dad:  Oh, no, the cheese is from Sam the Amish Cheese guy.
Me:  There's an Amish guy who sells cheese in the bar?  Does he drive his buggy into the city?
Dad:  Dammit, Lainey!  No, Sam's not Amish, he sells Amish cheese.
Me:  Ok, well that was unclear.  You said "Sam, the AMISH cheese guy", not "Sam, the Amish CHEESE guy".
Dad:  What?
Me:  The emphasis would be different.
Dad:  I didn't emphasize anything - YOU did.
Me:  I know, I just... never mind.  Thank you.

Phone rings 20 seconds later...

Dad:  They also have goats.
Dad:  The Farleys.  Chickens and goats, but they don't have goat cheese.  Do you want me to ask Sam, the Amish CHEESE guy if they have goat cheese?
Me:  No, I don't like goat cheese, but thanks.
Dad:  Then why did you ask about goats?
Me:  WHAT?  I didn't say anything about goats - YOU did.
Dad:  I don't think that's true, but if you say so.  Why would you lie about goats?
Me:  I ... do you TRY to make my head hurt?

PS:  I was trying to find an appropriate photo to accompany this post, but INSTEAD I found Pygmy goats and OHMYGOD, now I want a Pygmy goat more than anything!  Look how cute they are.


Blonde Savant said...

Seriously, I love your dad. He makes me giffle.

And pygmy goats are THE CUTEST. My neighbors had one growing up, and you could hold your fist out to the side, and he would butt it with his wee horns. He would also come up to you if you were sitting and bump you gently so you would scritch his head.

Also, I want some Amish cheese.

Lainey said...

BS - Hee, sorry, I guess I should write your whole name out! He makes me giffle, too. When I don't want to choke him.

UGH! I want one! They are SO cute. I wonder if I can keep it in the house without ending up on "Hoarders"...

Cindy said...

Your Dad is very sweet, bringing you things all the time :)

Lainey said...

Cindy - he really is sweet to me. He also gives me gold dollars when he sees me. I think he thinks I'm permanently 7.

ahamos said...

It's like the two of you speak totally different languages made up of common words.

House dark whiskey taco? Flame job!