Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Things That Go Bump in the Night

I'm pretty sure I have a ghost.  Or maybe I just had a weird day.  You tell me.
Last night around 9:00 I heard a loud, but muffled, *POP* coming from my kitchen.  It sounded kind of like a gunshot.  The cat started freaking out (like she does) and running back and forth between the kitchen and the bedroom, back and forth, back and forth, "What is it, girl?  Timmy fell down a well?"  So, I investigated.  I didn't see anything amiss and was about to go back to the bedroom, but decided to open the refrigerator (like I do) and there was slushy Diet Pepsi covering everything in the fridge.  WTF?  I have several cans of soda in the refrigerator, as well as bottles of water, milk, juice, etc.  I even have a little bowl of water with asparagus standing upright in it (Little tip from Martha Stewart.  It totally keeps the asparagus fresh longer).  NOTHING else is frozen.  Nothing.  Somehow, this single can of soda managed to freeze in my refrigerator and EXFUCKINGSPLODE all over the damn place. 
"How is that evidence of a ghost, Lainey?"
I'm GETTING to that!  Patience....
While I'm cleaning up the mess in the fridge, my neighbor starts ringing my doorbell.  I yelled at her to come in and she said,
 "So, I was just sitting outside having a smoke and your interior car light turned on.  It's on.  You might want to check that."
Perplexed, I followed up, "Huh?"
She said she was sitting on the back porch, she looked over toward my car and the interior light was suddenly on.  She admitted that it was possible that it had been on the entire time, but she didn't think so.  (She's kind of a lush, so it's possible that the second scenario is the likely one...)
I thanked her and went out to the car and fiddled with the light.  I didn't actually do anything other than turn it off and on.  After a minute or two, I got bored and went back inside and the light (as far as I KNOW) didn't turn back on by itself.
Ok, so then, I keep a pretty little blanket at the foot of my bed.  It's decorative.  I've never used it as a blanket.  Fatty McFatass likes to lay on it, but I don't use it.  I woke up this morning with it DRAPED OVER ME!!  *insert spooky music*
I suppose it's possible that sometime during the night, in the midst of a dream, I pulled it up and covered myself with it, but that's not nearly as entertaining as the ghost theory. 
I'm going to have a "Getting To Know You" conversation with the ghost tonight.  I think it's a chick.  I don't know why exactly, I just think it seems more like a girl thing to cover me with a blanket and also, it kind of creeps me out to think it's a dude ghost.  Like, I don't care if a lady ghost sees me spending quality time with myself, but a guy ghost might get all aroused and want to participate.  AND, in the event that I ever have a live man in my apartment again (shut-up, it could happen!), I'm afraid a boy ghost would get jealous and get into a spectral pissing match with my corporeal gentleman caller and that is some hassle I don't need.
Do any of you have ghosts?  Are you friends with them or do you ignore each other?  How do you co-habitate?  I may need tips.  Story Time!!



Anna von Beaverplatz said...

Oh my god, that totally happened to Cordelia on Angel. And Phantom Dennis was a little jealous when Cordy brought a boy home, as I recall.

As you can see, I also am not putting much of the "wor" in "work" today!

Oooh! You should see if you can get the ghost to scrub your back in the bath. Phantom Dennis did it for Cordy.

Whorish Mouth said...

Ooohhh...I had a ghost in my old apartment. Too many weird happenings to post in a comment. You may have inspired a future blog. :) But seriously...I'm totally believing your ghost theory.

Eyvi Sprite said...

Okay, see, I would be running for the hills, screaming my painsy ass off (I'm a wimp where the dark and supernatural are concerned, I may grow up one day....) and you want tips for befriending! That's awesome.

I also have ghost stories that may become a post in the near future....but then, I wouldn't want to scare myself.

Eyvi Sprite said...

err, pansy ass

I really should proof read what I've typed.

Lainey said...

AvB - OHHHH, you are brilliant! I'm totally naming my ghost Phantom Dennis. I don't even care if she's a lady ghost or not; that's her name!

Whorish Mouth - PLEASE write about your ghosties! I am very intrigued!

Eyvi - I'm totally a painsy ass, too! I can talk big, but if I ever came face to face with my new roommate, I would lose my shit! And please see above - write about your ghosties!

PS:!!!! God, I don't think I used exclamation points this often when I was a teenager, but suddenly, everything I write is SO EXCITING AND LOUD!!

Whorish Mouth said...

I forgot to tell you how to cohabitate...or how I did.
First, I talked to him (it, whatever). I told him I enjoy his company, but to try not to scare me too much. And to stay out of my bedroom and bathroom. :)