Monday, June 9, 2008

Come play with us, Danny...

This story made me pee a little when I heard it today, I’m not even gonna’ lie! I laughed so hard at this poor girl’s pain.

We hired a new recruiter last month. Her name is Jackie. She. Is. Awesome! LOOOOVVVE her already. Anyway, Jackie has a twin sister. This doesn’t come up often, but every now and then it’s relevant. Like in this story. So, Jackie hired a girl and was a little apprehensive about it because this young lady’s twin sister already works for us. Jackie is telling my boss and me that the reason she has a hinky feeling is because they’re “the kind of twins who do everything together. Their resumes are almost identical. Their voices sound the same. They dress similarly and style their hair the same way. You know, the kind of twins like from The Shining”. We all nodded in agreement and voiced our irritation with parents who treat twins like one entity, blah, blah, blah. I asked her if her mother had ever dressed her and her twin alike. She looked down and said, “not after The Incident”.

“Oh, DO tell, Jackie!”

“When we were 4, my parents took us to Disneyworld. One afternoon, Mom took me on some rides and Dad took my sister and we were all going to meet up together at the hotel at the end of the day. My mom and I got back to the hotel lobby and I saw my sister on the other side of the room. I was so excited to see her because we usually weren’t apart for so long and I had so many things to tell her that I went BOUNDING across the lobby to hug her.

And then I smacked full force into the mirror.”

Hahahahahaha!!! *snort* Oh my! The mental image of this poor child sprinting across the room to hug her beloved twin, slamming into her own freaking reflection and it being witnessed by a lobby full of people. Oooohhhh, good times, good times.

Sunday, June 1, 2008

But I'm Not Bitter...

I have a new idea for a reality show. After the success of “Joe Millionaire”, “The Bachelor”, “Farmer Wants a Wife” and “What’s This on My Shoe?” I have a can’t-miss show. We’ll put a smart, self-sufficient, funny woman (let’s just say me, for the sake of argument) in a room with 50 guys. 49 of them will be successful, emotionally generous, financially secure, kind, witty, loving men. One will be a douche.

I will find the douche.

No matter what. Doesn’t matter how much money is on the line. Doesn’t matter how many “Phone a Friends” I get. Doesn’t matter if I’m actually even trying or not. Hell, you could even blindfold me. I will find the douche. It’s like a gift I have. (It works with expensive shoes too, by the way. I can walk into any shoe store and *instantly* find the most expensive pair of shoes without even trying.)

We’ll call it “Who Wants to Feel Like Shit ALLLL the Time, but Will Continue to Give and Give and Give Some More Until 4 Years Have Passed and You’re a Shell of the Person You Once Were and Yet You Somehow Manage to Convince Yourself That It’s Your Fault!”

Someone call FOX, I smell a hit!