End of the Year EXTRAVAGANZA!!*

*Not really if you're going by the actual definition of EXTRAVAGANZA.

So, 2010 is ending and I can't complain.  I've had a pretty decent year.  I lost (what I thought was) a good friend, but I've made a lot more.  I've been remarkably healthy (did I just jinx the shit out of myself?) and so has my dad (I'm sure I just jinxed him).  I got my apartment Extreme Makeover-ed, ok, not technically, but I did get nice new carpet, paint, windows, and furniture.  Hell, I have HEATED STEPS up to my back porch, so yeah, that's awesome and nothing to sneeze at.  I've met some Pajiban/Facebook friends this year.  Maybe had sex with one or more of them.  That was fun!  And I tried a whole bunch of stuff I've never tried before (that's not related to the last sentence about sex).  Turns out that macaroni and cheese is pretty damn good.  WHO KNEW?  Oh, right.  Everyone.  But, just for the record, I still haven't tried that fluorescent orange shit in the blue box and I don't intend to.  I also tried a few fancy beers and it turns out that I kind of like them a little and would maybe want to try more.  This coming from the girl who didn't like Bud Light because it "tastes too beerish". 

What else?  I got a new cat, because why not?  He's chatty as hell and oppressively affectionate, but he's nice to have around since the other one only pays attention to me when she wants food.  Willow hates him, but I think she'll warm up.  She's too nosy to just ignore him, so I suspect he'll grow on her after a bit.  Speaking of, Thirteen has become not only tolerable, but actually likable.  I certainly didn't see that coming!   Oh, and Coke Zero is still delicious, despite what CERTAIN people (*coughKolbycough*) say. 

I never imagined that I'd be 40 and single and living in Ohio, it's not like it was my dream as a child, but turns out, it's not so bad.  Just a few years ago, I couldn't imagine making enough money to live comfortably, having a career I'm good at (and mostly like, though I'll deny it), and enjoying my life.  Enjoying my friends.  Enjoying my comfort with myself.  It's actually kind of neat.

So, I hope 2011 is as good or better for me than 2010 was and for my friends who had less delightful years, I hope 2011 kicks the shit out of 2010 for you!

Thanks for coming around year after year!  Especially you folks who keep searching for "what's the opposite of exciting" and winding up here.  You have NO idea how much that amuses me. 

Cheers and Happy New Year!

Conversations With My Father Pt. 2

This happened today.

Dad:  What do you want for your birthday?

Me:    Nothing really, thanks.

Dad:  You must want something.  I don't know what to get you.

Me:   Well, I don't really need anything, but thanks for thinking of me!

Dad:   Oh come on - what's just one thing that you want?

Me:    Hmmm, ok, well, I could use some shears to trim flower stems.  

Dad:   Why?

Me:    I like arranging flowers and they need to be cut, but I only have scissors and I end up crushing their stems and killing them.

Dad:  I'm pretty sure I have something like that in the garage or the basement closet or something.  Just go look through there.

Me:  Ok then.... Hmm, I would LOVE to have an Amazon giftcard!

Dad:  Where would I get that?

Me:   Probably at the grocery store or wherever they sell giftcards.

Dad:  Why don't I just give you money and then you can buy your own giftcard?

Me:  *sigh*  It's fine.  I really don't need anything.  I was just giving you some suggestions, but I really don't need anything.

Dad:  How about a fur coat?

Me:   WHAT the what?

Dad:  I saw these really pretty fur coats the other day - fox, I think, how about one of those?

Me:    ...

Dad:   Would you rather have something besides fox?  Like chinchilla or something?

Me:  ...  Um, do you remember when you gave me that fur stole and I was too squicked out to touch it?

Dad:  Yeah, but what if the animals died a NATURAL death, then would that be ok?

Me:   You mean like if 20 foxes just all died of old age and then someone gathered them up and SKINNED THEIR CORPSES to make me a coat, would that be ok?

Dad:  Gahd, you're so dramatic.  No, what if they all died in an earthquake or something?

Me:   Ok, I'm gonna' go...

Phone rings 20 seconds later -

Dad:  Do you want one of those camera things you put on the back of your car, so you can see when you're backing up?

Me:   ...

No Whining Wednesday

So, yeah, um I have nothing to write about, so instead I'm going to post a picture of my Christmas Tree.  I haven't had a Christmas tree since I was 12, so I had no ornaments for it.  I spent an assload of money at the Target (which, I'm not even lying when I say that I should NOT be allowed to visit Target without a chaperone) and bought festive decorations and lights and I picked a theme!  I went with silver and teal and I like it.  The silver stands out way more than the teal does, but I like the little pops of color from the blue.  For a first timer, I think I did an ok job.  LOOK!

Yeah, that's it.  I got nothing.  I am SOO sleepy that my wee eyes are closing on me and it's taking everything I have to sit semi-upright to type this.  In fact, I'm actually typing this with my eyes closed because they hurt.  I'm very old.   Seriously, so sleepyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
 
Do you guys have anything good to talk about?  I know Miss Lizzie's taking the GRE today and I know she's going to knock it out of the park!  I know Ms. jamiepants's Saints (who dat?) are whuppin' all the other teams in the NFL and she is LOVIN' it!  I know mr. gp has some fun stuff going on that makes him all giddy and bouncy, which makes *me* giddy and bouncy (but not TOO bouncy, because I have the PMS and my bewbs hurt like a motherfucker right now.  Oh, hi, welcome to my overshare).   I also happen to know another handsome gentleman who has some fun stuff going on...hmmm, coincidence??

Here's what I have to look forward to:  New episode of "Glee!", the jammies that I ordered should be arriving Thursday (seriously, this is the SLOWEST online order ever!), I have Friday off, so I have a 3-day weekend in which to lounge in the aforementioned jammiepants, "Better Off Ted" Season 1 dvds are on their way to my house RIGHT NOW (I really can't explain why I'm SO excited about that, I just am.)  What else?  Tell me your good stuff so I can look forward to that, too!

Baby Got Back...

So, yeah, I understand that diet and exercise are the way to lose weight and get in shape.  However, I also understand that I'm lazier than shit and I'm not so good at monitoring my own diet if my pants size is any indicator.

I've always been curvy, but not fat - I'd say, "thick" or "chunky" (Mmmm, like salsa!), until I quit smoking a few years ago.  I've gained 30 pounds and I just seem to keep adding to it.  I've done Weight Watchers and been REALLY dedicated to it, but didn't lose more than 5 - 10 pounds.  My doctor prescribed diet pills (SPEED - WOOHOO!) and not only did I feel like *ass*, I only lost a few pounds and gained it back as soon as I went off of them.  I used to exercise with the ex, but he was in fantastic shape and I couldn't keep up, so I'd get frustrated and stop.  I have a WiiFit and I'm really trying to make myself use it with regularity, but so far, I can't seem to make myself use it even though I enjoy the hell out of it while I'm playing.

I'm a few months shy of turning 40.  My father's heart attack kind of scared me and made me reexamine my own lard-lined arteries.  I'm single and haven't been on a date date in several years because I have a hard time trying to date when I feel like a whale and I'm a tiny, little petite chick, so that much extra weight makes me look as wide as I am tall.   I need to lose about 30 - 40 pounds and I need to do something that shows some results or I'll give up and quit trying.  (Yes, I realize that I'm an assy baby about this, I'm just trying to be honest with myself and with you and despite wanting to NOT be an assy baby, I know my limitations.)

Yes, I talk about waffles all the time, but seriously, I really don't eat them that often and I'm not even lying when I say I eat relatively healthfully (I LOVE vegetables and fruit and recently I don't seem to really like meat, so I don't eat hamburgers, hot dogs or sausage), I only eat fast food maybe twice a month and I don't drink sugar soda.  My biggest problems seem to be that I fail at packing my lunch for work and then eat whatever is closest; I eat late at night, since I tend to not go to bed until 1:00 AM; and I am a huge fan of butter, cheese, and anything with the word "cake" in it.  I think I could possibly benefit from a restrictive & strict diet that's pre-packaged and is planned for me.

Now that I've rambled on (too bad excessive typing doesn't burn significant calories), here's my question to you:  I'm seriously considering joining Jenny Craig, Nutrisystem, or Chefs Diet (which is sort of like The Zone food delivery service, except not the REALLY good shit that rich people and celebrities get).  These are all fairly expensive and I will be a bitter, bitter bunny if the food tastes, looks or smells like barf.  Have any of you tried any of those programs or known anyone who has?  Were they/you successful in the weight loss?  Was the food edible?  Would it work for a picky eater?  Did the weight come back after going off the program? 

Any feedback is GREATLY appreciated!

I Guess It Was Inevitable...

It appears that I have finally reached the age where I've become invisible to men. I knew it would happen eventually 'cause I've totally seen it happen to other women. I've watched a group of guys crane their necks like prairie dogs when any butterface under 28 walks into the room, but not even turn their heads slightly when an average looking 40ish woman walks up to the bar next to them. I just didn't expect it to happen to me so soon! I've always been tiny, moderately cute, with big boobs and a big smile. I've never been "hot", but I've always been kind of cute. It's not like I ever had guys swarming around me or fighting to buy me a drink, but I've grown accustomed to being overtly and covertly checked out. Yeah, so, not anymore, I guess.

Yesterday was Jackie's last day. As if that wasn't sucktacular enough, last night I had to go for drinks & dinner with the obnoxious VP, two of the Directors (yes, one of them is this guy and no, THANKFULLY, one of them *wasn't* this one), the head of HR, my boss and Jackie. The word excruciating is too mild. Christ on a cracker! Do you think executive-types have any idea how preposterously self-important they sound? Do you think they listen to each other and think "Oh man, I can totally top your self-involved, self-congratulatory boring-ass story!"?

::Tangent::
A couple months ago the VP held a "Come to Jesus" meeting with the staff and reminded them of the economy and how important it is to make the office more efficient and blah, blah, blah. He cut the shit out of the supply order budget and eliminated non-essential things like raises (ok, so technically Corporate put the kibosh on raises, but it makes my rant sound better if it came from him directly, so, deal with it) and employee relations stuff like parties and the summer picnic. Everyone was fairly supportive because no one wants to lose their job because we were buying too many highlighters and scotch tape, so the belt-tightening didn't elicit much complaint or whining from the normally whiny staff. Last night, the VP & his gang of ass-kissers are talking about redecorating the Executive Conference Room. "You know, really making it the centerpiece of the office. When execs and management from other offices come to town, we should be able to represent ourselves with a Grade A conference room that reflects our professionalism." Really, dude? How do you think that's gonna' go over with the $11/hour employees who can't order fucking paperclips? Do you think they're not going to notice that the summer picnic isn't being held in the shiny new Executive Conference Room? Whatever. Shit like this is why everyone hates you, jerkface.
::End Tangent::

Sorry, sorry, sorry - got off track a bit. Anyway, the restaurant we went to for drinks is a swanky little place near our office downtown. It was early when we got there, 4:00ish. By 5:15 or so, the place was full of people. Predominantly men people. Business men. Button down shirts, ties, polished shoes. I'm going to guess mostly between the ages of 26 - 36. They stood in groups of 4 or 5 and all had some sort of product in their hair. In the days of yore, this would be exactly my crowd of mens. I do not like scruffy. I do not like sloppy. I do not like shaggy. I enjoy a man in a pressed shirt & tie, wearing dress slacks with a cuff. I make pretty good money and frankly, I prefer being with a guy who does too and doesn't need me to pay for the whole pizza because he "doesn't get paid until next Thursday and I gotta' get my car out of the shop, so I only have $3.67 in change until then. You don't mind, do ya' babe? I promise I'll pay you back next week and by the way, can you loan me a few bucks for smokes?" No...just, no.

Most days after work, I look busted. BUH-STED. I'm not even gonna' try to deny it. However, because I knew I had to attend this shindig from Hell, instead of tennis shoes & an "I give up and don't care anymore" baggy, non-cleavagy top, I wore a fitted, summery blouse with my jeans & heels. I even put on colored lip gloss, which I rarely wear and added an extra dab of concealer to my woefully dark under eye circles. I looked cute, but not at all whoreish. (YES, I'm getting to the point. Shut-up!) During the pre-dinner drinks, I probably went to the ladies' room 4 times (A. As previously mentioned, my bladder is the size of a walnut and B. Sometimes I just needed to get the fuck away from their incessant blathering for a few minutes). On my way to and from the powder room, I came into contact with approximately 23 men. Not one looked at me. Not ONE. Not a single guy smiled at me or nodded "hello" or even bothered to get the hell out of my way. I had to squeeze past 2 who wouldn't even acknowledge my existence enough to move a half-step to their side to let me pass them.

I'm not sure how I feel about this. Again, please understand, it's not like men were crawling all over me when I was younger, I don't mean to give that impression, but to be practically invisible is a brand-spanking new phenomenon to me. It makes me sad that this is the rest of my life from now on. I have officially become an old broad. The kind that "still looks pretty good for her age" or the one that "was probably smokin' when she was young". And unless I dress like a slutty Cougar or start hanging out where they serve an Early Bird Special, I don't think there's really much I can do about it. Blerg.

Do any of you have a grandpa you want to hook me up with?