Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Feelings Are STUPID.

I don't trust people very easily.  I'm very trusting, but I don't put my actual trust in many people.  Does that make sense?  I believe people when they tell me shit (almost too much, I'm super gullible), but I don't really tell a lot of people my shit...especially about my feelings. I'll fill out all the stupid Facebook memes you want and update my status 9 times a day, I'll give vague answers to questions via email, or empathize with an employee by using personal anecdotes, but I won't really talk about anything important or how I feel.  I'll tell you what I did or what I said, but rarely how I feel.  Hell, this here fancy blog is the closest I've ever come to talking about stuff that really matters to me and even then I mostly dance around it, because now I'm all self-conscious since I "know" a bunch of you.  There are only a handful of people that I've really opened up to in my life...a handful in MY LIFE and I'm 40, so, you do the math.  I've been deeply hurt by almost all of them.  Sometimes it's something egregious and unforgivable and sometimes it's just the realization that they're not the person I thought they were.  Both scenarios hurt like a sonofabitch and send me to bed with stomach aches and a giant lump in my throat. 

I have a stomach ache and a lump in my throat.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Cost Effective AND Good for the Environment!

You guys, this week?  Holy balls.  This week has kicked me in the teeth and almost reduced me to tears a couple of times.  It's INSANE the amount of crap that's going on at work and people have done lost their damn minds!  Ohmylord.  But anyway, this isn't about that.  This entry is not a "woe is me, my job is *hard*" post.  This entry is all about the GEM I found today when emptying the Suggestion Box (Which seriously, really needs a new name. Rarely, if ever, have I had a legitimate and cost-effective/helpful suggestion come from it. In fact, truth be told, I fucking hate the Suggestion Box and think it's worthless and encourages stupidity.  One of the first "Suggestions" [Yes, it needs quotes] was for the company to pump pure oxygen in through the air vents, so the employees would be more alert and productive.  Hand to God.  Actual "Suggestion".). 

However, I want to find this person and ask them to be my new BFF.

Haa, A-MEN, my red pen-loving friend.  A-fucking-men!

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Conversations with My Father Pt. 3

This is a true story and JUST happened like 5 minutes ago.

Dad: Did you take $200 out of my checking account?
Me: Yeah, like 2 or 3 weeks ago.
Dad: Why would you do that?
Me: Um, remember that $200 check I asked you to deposit for me and you accidentally deposited it in *your* account and I said, "No big deal, I'll just transfer it to my account". Remember that?
Dad: Well I DO NOW, but I didn't remember it earlier when I got my bank statement and it said "$200 withdrawal - internet transfer" and I marched down to the bank demanding to know who the fuck was stealing money from me on the internet! And the girl said, "Oh no! Let me see what's going on...oh, Mr. Bobainey, a Miss Lainey Bobainey transferred $200 from your account, on which she has signature ability (that you made her take time off of work to go fucking get so that she could access your whopping $1100 checking account in case you die in your sleep and she needs money to have someone haul out the 400 fucking jars of pickles that you keep buying because they're only $.88 apiece even though you never eat them, but by all means, keep buying them because hey, why not... she might not have actually said any of this part...), to her account on March 27th."
Me: *facepalm* Great, so now the bank thinks I'm embezzling from my father. Awse. Dad, why didn't you ask me first instead of going to the bank?
Dad: Because, LAINEY, I've seen this on the news. Internet people hijack (I think he meant "hack") into the accounts of rich old people and take a little bit at a time so no one becomes suspicious and since you put my account on the internet (not even going to bother trying to correct him on this one) when you got access to it, I was afraid it notified hijackers or something.
Me: Ok, first of all, you're only 62 and you're also not exactly rich. Secondly, you need to just stop watching the news.
Dad: Maybe the bank should have something in place where they send an email if someone tries to access your account?
Me: But, you don't have an email...
Me: *sigh* Nope, you're right - I forgot. I'll call the bank on Monday and tell them to send you an email at dennybobainey at the internet dot com from now on.
Dad: Good. That's just common sense, you know?
Me: Yep...

Phone rings 20 seconds later...
Dad:  Will you check my email - maybe the bank already does this?