End of the Year EXTRAVAGANZA!!*

*Not really if you're going by the actual definition of EXTRAVAGANZA.

So, 2010 is ending and I can't complain.  I've had a pretty decent year.  I lost (what I thought was) a good friend, but I've made a lot more.  I've been remarkably healthy (did I just jinx the shit out of myself?) and so has my dad (I'm sure I just jinxed him).  I got my apartment Extreme Makeover-ed, ok, not technically, but I did get nice new carpet, paint, windows, and furniture.  Hell, I have HEATED STEPS up to my back porch, so yeah, that's awesome and nothing to sneeze at.  I've met some Pajiban/Facebook friends this year.  Maybe had sex with one or more of them.  That was fun!  And I tried a whole bunch of stuff I've never tried before (that's not related to the last sentence about sex).  Turns out that macaroni and cheese is pretty damn good.  WHO KNEW?  Oh, right.  Everyone.  But, just for the record, I still haven't tried that fluorescent orange shit in the blue box and I don't intend to.  I also tried a few fancy beers and it turns out that I kind of like them a little and would maybe want to try more.  This coming from the girl who didn't like Bud Light because it "tastes too beerish". 

What else?  I got a new cat, because why not?  He's chatty as hell and oppressively affectionate, but he's nice to have around since the other one only pays attention to me when she wants food.  Willow hates him, but I think she'll warm up.  She's too nosy to just ignore him, so I suspect he'll grow on her after a bit.  Speaking of, Thirteen has become not only tolerable, but actually likable.  I certainly didn't see that coming!   Oh, and Coke Zero is still delicious, despite what CERTAIN people (*coughKolbycough*) say. 

I never imagined that I'd be 40 and single and living in Ohio, it's not like it was my dream as a child, but turns out, it's not so bad.  Just a few years ago, I couldn't imagine making enough money to live comfortably, having a career I'm good at (and mostly like, though I'll deny it), and enjoying my life.  Enjoying my friends.  Enjoying my comfort with myself.  It's actually kind of neat.

So, I hope 2011 is as good or better for me than 2010 was and for my friends who had less delightful years, I hope 2011 kicks the shit out of 2010 for you!

Thanks for coming around year after year!  Especially you folks who keep searching for "what's the opposite of exciting" and winding up here.  You have NO idea how much that amuses me. 

Cheers and Happy New Year!

Conversations with My Father - Pt. 5

Dad:  I bought you some eggs.

Me:  Oh, um, thanks?
Dad:  From the bar.
Me:  You bought me eggs at a bar?  What?  Are they pickled or something?

Dad:  No.  God.  From the Farley's farm.  They have chickens.

Me:  Oh, ok, well now that you've cleared that up...

Dad:  And I got you some of that pepper cheese you like.

Me:  Do they have cows, too?

Dad:  What?  Who said anything about cows?  *Chickens*.

Me:  I know, chickens make eggs, but cows make cheese.  Well, they don't MAKE cheese, but, you know.

Dad:  What the hell are you talking about?  

Me:  Right.  I'm the crazy one.

Dad:  Oh, no, the cheese is from Sam the Amish Cheese guy.

Me:  There's an Amish guy who sells cheese in the bar?  Does he drive his buggy into the city?

Dad:  Dammit, Lainey!  No, Sam's not Amish, he sells Amish cheese.

Me:  Ok, well that was unclear.  You said "Sam, the AMISH cheese guy", not "Sam, the Amish CHEESE guy".

Dad:  What?

Me:  The emphasis would be different.

Dad:  I didn't emphasize anything - YOU did.

Me:  I know, I just... never mind.  Thank you.

Phone rings 20 seconds later...

Dad:  They also have goats.

Me:  WHAT?

Dad:  The Farleys.  Chickens and goats, but they don't have goat cheese.  Do you want me to ask Sam, the Amish CHEESE guy if they have goat cheese?

Me:  No, I don't like goat cheese, but thanks.

Dad:  Then why did you ask about goats?

Me:  WHAT?  I didn't say anything about goats - YOU did.

Dad:  I don't think that's true, but if you say so.  Why would you lie about goats?

Me:  I ... do you TRY to make my head hurt?

PS:  I was trying to find an appropriate photo to accompany this post, but INSTEAD I found Pygmy goats and OHMYGOD, now I want a Pygmy goat more than anything!  Look how cute they are.

Reason #432 Why I'll Never Be an Executive

The VP was in my office today.  No big, he's in my office a lot.  Usually, he's standing across from me (probably looking at my boobs - he seriously has an issue with the obvious boob-looking). Today he was standing behind my desk with me looking at something (that miraculously wasn't Facebook) on my computer.

Him:  What the hell is that?

Me:  What?

Him:  That - there.

Me:  A unicorn stabbing a mime.

Him:  In a Zen garden?

Me:  It's relaxing.

Him walking out the door and shaking his head...

Me:  It's RELAXING!

I Am Goophy!

Once again, I got nothing.  SO, because you're obviously *very* lucky, I'm going to post the silly email exchange I had with Meg.  It made me giggle like a phool!  I am very easily amused.  Obviously.
at 12:55 PM, Meg wrote:

i had the pho and now i am phull.

Lainey:
Ha!  You are phunny!

Meg:

are you not online anymore?
motherphucker.

Lainey:
I'm on a conf. call w/ a presentation on my computer.
DAMMIT - con-phurance call!

Meg:

phreak.

Lainey:
Are you phrustrated?

Meg:

phurious

Lainey:
Don't de-phriend me!

Meg:

Don't phool yourself. There's a definite phinality about this. 

Lainey:
 I'm sorry - I don't want to piss you oph.  Especially on a Phriday!

Lainey:
PHINE, just stop.  I wasn't phinished.  Phlake.

Meg:

woah. Phor phuck's sake, girlphriend. Calm yourselph. No phreak outs on a phriday, got it?

Lainey:
I've had a lot of capheine!  Sometimes I phorget to philter myselph!

 Meg:

I'd eat my phoot for a phrappucino right about now.

Lainey:
This is making me laph phar too much!

Meg:

Don't.  Your ass will get phired.

Seriously, SO dumb.  Giggled like an idiot.  This is why I make the big bucks.

Lost. LOST. LOOOOSSST. L.O.S.T. Lost!

LOST is back tonight and I think it's fair to say that I'm pretty freakin' excited about it!  There have been many awesome things associated with LOST, but the link below is my FAVORIST ever!  It auto-plays and there's sound, so if you're at work, beware.

Seriously, I could watch this over and over and over.  It's like 3 years old and I've seen it 40 times and I STILL LOVE it.

Enjoy!

No More No Whining Wednesday?

Hiya!  So, I started the whole No Whining Wednesday thing about 6 months ago and frankly, it lasted about 5 1/2 months longer than I thought it would.  The enthusiasm and participation has been WONDERFUL and greatly appreciated.  Seriously, I really can't begin to express how many times you guys have yanked me out of the Bitter Barn with your positive comments and how appreciative I am - thank you! 

That said, I think it's run its course and it may be time to try something else; a new day with some sort of alliteration and theme.  I, of course, have not actually spent any real time thinking about this, so I'm putting it out there for you.  What should be the next day/theme?  I'm open to all suggestions and I'm looking forward to your ideas!


I'll still continue to observe the spirit of No Whining Wednesday, on Facebook and in my fleshlife, and I absolutely encourage everyone else to keep it up if you're feeling it, but I'm also looking forward to a change.  I'm looking forward to a new challenge and I hope you are, too!

Happy No Whining Wednesday and lay your suggestions on me!

Zoom, Zoom, Zoom!

Holy crap, this year has come to an end in a quick hurry!  Like all of a sudden.  It seems like the appropriate time to do an end-of-year post, but I don't really feel like it.  I'm not feeling introspective and I'm not making a bunch of resolutions, so it just doesn't really feel like that would be a good post to write or read. 

Instead, I would like to talk about how small my cat's head is.  Seriously, you guys, it's tiny.  She looks like a seal.  Big round body;  bitty, little head.  And then these giant eyes.  She sounds kind of creepy when I describe her like that, but she's really not, she's just terribly unfortunately proportioned.  She's actually cute.  Angie describes her as grand.  It's fitting.

Also, I would like to talk about what a fucking nutjob Sarina is.  I know this doesn't really come as a shock to anyone, but sometimes it just needs to be said.  Sometimes people might wonder if she's truly crazypants or if it's just an act - I'm here to tell you that girlfriend is beyond batshit.  Of course, I should also say that I love her more than anything else.  Well, not more than waffles, but a LOT.

Oh and not related to anything, I got a calendar for Christmas.  It's called "3,650 things to be happy about.", so you can all just pretty much COUNT on that shit getting sprinkled around the joint when I have nothing good for No Whining Wednesdays.  Here's an example of what EVERY page is like:

• an owl hooting
• milk with your meal
• an unexpected job offer
• the patience to untangle a knot
• finger painting
• helping out a neighbor
• the vocabulary of pasta shapes
• conserving electricity
• stories behind photographs
• relishing the preparations

So, there's that.  I don't know that those things make me *happy*, but they don't make me *sad*, so I'm going to go with it. 

In case you haven't figured it out yet, I'm just babbling at this point and I have no idea how to finish this, so I'm just going to wish you all a happy No Whining Wednesday and ask if you have any big New Year's Eve plans or resolutions?

Little Things That Make Others Smile

Last week I asked you all to list little things that make you smile and I sat here grinning like a fool reading them all - thank you!  So, today's post started because of a conversation Cindy and I had on a Facebook comment.  Today, I'm offering up a challenge - what little thing can you do to make someone else smile?

Nothing major or insincere, but if you feel like playing, try to compliment someone today.  The lady in Accounting who always smiles when you see her or that guy who sits in the corner of the lunchroom by himself, or the cashier at Target or the counterperson at Chick-Fil-A (true story, the guy who rang up my order last week at Chick-Fil-A told me I had really pretty nails. I was kind of surprised because I don't do anything to them; I just let them grow and keep them fairly even, but his off-hand comment brightened my little day a tidge).   When you think about it, how often do YOU get a sincere compliment from a co-worker or stranger?  Does it make your day a bit better or am I that easily amused?

Anyway, you can share it in the comments here or you can keep it to yourself or hell, you don't even have to do it if it seems disengenous.  I'm judging our company's Cubicle Decorating Contest this morning, so since I'm going to be all over the building and talking to employees I don't usually interact with, I'm going to try to notice little things and make a point to mention them.  Who knows, maybe they'll just think I'm weirder than they thought, but maybe it'll make one person's day.  Maybe it'll make MY day?

Happy No Whining Wednesday!!

Little Things That Make Me Smile

(From Passive Aggressive Notes - I have no idea why they don't exist on Wednesdays, but it makes me smile!)

• Watching my big piggycat chase after the laser pointer and listening to her purr while she's playing.
• Listening to (and maybe chair dancing to) the songs from "Glee" in my office.
• Blueberry sorbet mixed with lemon gelato or (it is surprisingly tasty) chocolate gelato.
• Turning on my Christmas tree lights.
• The #1 search that brings folks here is, "what's the opposite of exciting?"
  
• Diet Barq's root beer.
  
• Singing the "lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala" part of Lily Allen's "Smile".
• Misery Night
• My cinnamon chai candle with the wooden wick that sounds like a crackling fire.
• Fuzzy socks.
• DOODLEBOBBERS!
  
• Laying my jammies on the radiator while I shower & then putting on toasty jammies.
• Toast and jam.
  
• Hilarious texts and emails from Sarina.
• My new Miche purse with its 6 different covers (or as Sarina calls them, "purse pants").
• Pineapple.
• My Jersey Shore nickname is L-Scream.  Awesome.
  
• Snooze alarm dreams.
• You fuckers.

What are 2 of yours?  Or 5... or however many you want...

Happy No Whining Wednesday!!

Umm, Hey There Wednesday...

Noooo, I totally didn't forget you!  How could you think such a thing?

(Pssst, you guys, I totally forgot about Wednesday!)

I didn't write up anything last night, like I normally do, and I will be going out after work to meet up with the HR ladies, so I won't be able to do it later.  So, yeah, um, I'm at work, not having Veteran's Day off, because my company *obviously* hates America and trying to write a blog post while I'm trying to pretend to do work and not get fired, so you guys are kind of on your own today.  Talk amongst yourselves. 

Here are a few good things going on with me, so there's NO whining from this lady today!

• I made a giant pot of chili, so I have leftovers for days - awesome!  I also made a spaghetti squish, so that'll feed me with chicken or with vegetables or in Chinese food or just a bowl of squish!  I don't remember if I posted it here or if it was on Facebook, but I told Cindy to nuke the spaghetti squash for a few minutes to make it easier to cut - yeah, don't do that.  I've done it that way a couple of times and it makes it kinda' mushy/slimyish.  I recommend doing it the old fashioned way and risking loss of fingers and/or hands by trying to cut the damn, hard thing. It'll make you appreciate it more if you have to bleed work for it.  This is one time the internet wasn't helpful for me.
  

•  GLEE! is back on tonight!  Oh Finn and Puck, how I love your pretty faces and voices.  Glee, glee, glee, GLEE!!!
  

•  Every time I walk by my living room I see the beautiful, fuzzy, warm blanket (infused with LOVE) that Sarina made 'specially for me and it makes me all gooey and happy & I have to stop and pet it.  For real, you guys, I don't know if you understand how much this blanket means to me.  Sarina does NOT enjoy working and she did actual WORK on this blanket.  I loves it!
  

•  And finally, one of my employees has to get rabies shots because a raccoon sneaked into her house through the roof and she woke up with its PAW IN HER MOUTH!!!  So, I think that all things considered, I have nothing to complain about and frankly, neither do any of you unless YOU woke up with a raccoon's PAW IN YOUR MOUTH!

So, other than that whole raccoon thing, what other good stuff do you guys have  going on?  Anything you're excited about or looking forward to?  Any stories about waking up with things in your mouth? 

Happy No Whining Wednesday!!

If you would like to spoil the day for a grouch, give him a smile.

So, Monday starts Employee Appreciation Week at my office.  This basically means the Admin Assistant, Dana (truly one of the nicest people I've ever met), and I will spend a week (and a shit load of our time and patience) trying to make 360 employees feel appreciated.  They will in turn make us feel like slapping them.  No matter what we do, it won't be enough.  No matter how much we give, it won't be enough.  No matter how hard we try, it won't be enough.  That said, 11 people will appreciate our efforts.  It's the same 11 people every year and I've come to value them above all the rest.

Dana and I spent Friday afternoon shopping for supplies and planning the logistics of the week.  Last Thursday, I gathered the aforementioned 11 positive and grateful employees and dubbed them the Attitude Ambassadors (because I am a GIANT nerd).  I gave them each 2 little plastic smiley face trophies with the instruction that they are to give them out this week to people who do nice things for others or people they see being helpful or good role models.  Additionally, those employees who receive the awards are supposed to give the trophies away to other co-workers who have been helpful or kind to them...and so on...  I also gave them silly little smiley face stickers and asked them to give them to employees who looked like they were stressed or weren't having a good day.  I asked them not to tell the employees to "smile!"( because that makes me fucking stabby), but they should give the bummed co-worker a sticker and just nicely tell them that they hope their day gets better or a similar sentiment.  I'm really hoping that their example will influence the behavior and attitudes of the other employees.

Some of the activities we have planned for the week include:

• Jeans and tennis shoes every day.

• Raffle tickets will be passed out and all week we'll draw numbers for $25 gift cards to Kohl's, Best Buy, Olive Garden, Old Navy, Bed, Bath & Beyond, Giant Eagle, and Outback Steakhouse.  (haaa, I kept typing Steakhorse - totally different!)

• Monday, smiley face notepads and 4-color pens with our company's logo will be distributed to everyone.
  

• Tuesday will be Creative Arts Day.   The staff can wear their favorite movie, tv show or band/concert t-shirt (I'll be wearing my WhiskyBabyNinjaStar shirt, because no one will know what the hell it is and I'll probably say it's a band if anyone asks).  We'll be doing a DVD/VHS movie swap where they can bring in old CD's/movies/games and either trade them or just donate them  & we'll give them to the local library.  We're also giving everyone microwave popcorn packs with our company logo on them and putting big bowls of popcorn, M&M's, Red Hots, Lemon Heads and Milk Duds in all of the break rooms to munch on throughout the day and we're continuing the raffle, but the prizes are $10 gift cards for AMC Theaters and iTunes.  I think we have 10 of those to give away.
  

• Wednesday I'll be at a job fair all day with stupid Thirteen, but the kids at work will be getting caramel apples.  There better be some leftover apples for me when I come back on Thursday because caramel apples are one of my favorite things.  They're totally healthy 'cause they're fruit, dammit!

• Thursday we're having a catered lunch of roasted chicken, cheesy potatoes (these potatoes are TO DIE for!), applesauce, coleslaw and rolls & butter with yummy giant cookies for dessert.  I feel like we're doing something else on Thursday, but I can't think of what it is right now.

• Friday is Sports Day and employees can wear their favorite sports team jersey, t-shirt or sweatshirt.  It's also Boss's Day and for all of the Team Leads, Supervisors, Managers and Directors we have handmade AMAZINGLY delicious shortbread cookies iced to look like smiley faces.  They will also get pretty little brightly-colored wooden boxes with sayings written inside, like "Every day you get more wonderful".  Inside the boxes we'll be putting magnets with different sayings like "Live.  Laugh.  Love." and other hippy dippy phrases.  And then, because I'm 9, we also have a whole bunch of smiley face toys to give to them.  Smiley face slap bracelets and pencils; those paddle things with the string and the ball; smiley face stress balls; little plastic slinkies with smiley faces on them, etc., you get the idea.  Junky, fun, little things that they can keep or take home to their kids. 

That's our week.  It comes once a year in October and Dana and I plan and look forward to it.  We put a shit-ton of effort and creativity into and every year end up feeling bad because the employees are assholes.  But *this* year, I'm not going to let the negative ones get to me.  I'm going to focus my attention and energy on the ones who appreciate it and who genuinely feel appreciated, because we DO appreciate our employees.   This year, I'm going to have fun!

Addictions, Obsessions, Fixations...

Recently, I've become fixated on three new foods.  Well, the foods aren't new; I'm sure they've been around for ages, but they're new to me.

Based on the recommendation of my friend Kellie (who makes up one third of my brain, which is composed of me, Kellie and Anna von Beaverplatz - I'm not even lying, we are totally the same person!), I finally tried real maple syrup.  I'd only ever had imitation maple syrup, like Mrs. Butterworth and Log Cabin and I didn't really like them very much, so I assumed I wouldn't really care for the real stuff on which it was based.  So, yeah, I was wrong.  Real maple syrup is the SHIT!  Ohmynomnomnom!  Every day I have to talk myself out of having pancakes, French toast or waffles.  Every day.  Because now, that's what I want all the time, just so I can put maple syrup on it.  And here's the thing, guys, real maple syrup is NOT cheap!  I bought this wee 3.4 oz bottle for almost $5.00 from the Amish Market (which is also a new obsession - I can't even stand going to the regular grocery store now because their produce sucks hairy, sweaty ballsacks.  The Amish Market has locally grown vegetables and fruit, fresh churned butter, cheese, fresh baked bread, maple syrup, homemade pies {and they have MINI pies, so I don't feel like a giant hoggy pig girl}, and beautiful and inexpensive flower bouquets.  I love the Amish Market SOO much!)  FIVE DOLLARS for like 1/3 of a cup!  So worth it though.  A little goes a long way and it just has so much more flavor than fake syrup and it's not sickly sweet.  If you haven't tried it, I recommend picking up some.  Don't waste your money on the Canadian crap though.  You can get US made and then you're not contributing to the impolite, hockey-loving Canadian economy.  Fucking Canadians, all superior (oh, pardon, "superiour") with their REAL fucking maple syrup.

The other food I've become addicted to is spaghetti squash.  Mmmm, spaghetti squash...  Evidently, people put pasta sauce on it and use it as a substitute for traditional spaghetti.  I haven't done that yet.  The texture isn't even similar to pasta, so I'm not sure I could fully embrace that dish.  However, baking the squash (which I call "squish" because I amuse myself for reasons I'm completely unable to explain) and then using a fork to separate the strands, like spaghetti, and eating it with butter, salt and pepper or with butter & brown sugar is so yummy!  It's even good mixed with rice and Chinese food.  I had some leftover Spicy Brocolli and only a little bit of rice, so rather than making more rice (because I'm lazy - I feel certain that we've covered this fact before), I added a clump of the spaghetti squash to the mixture.  It had a great texture and was a bit healthier (or at least less carby) than white rice.  The squish is a bitch to cut before you cook it, fucking rind is HARD, but if you nuke it in the microwave for about 5 minutes and let it cool a bit, it's easier to cut it in half so you can bake it.  Also, I wouldn't have known to do this if Resa hadn't mentioned it, but you can totally roast/bake the squish seeds like you would pumpkin seeds.  They make for a damn tasty little snack!

Speaking of seeds, I've recently become obsessed with black sesame seeds.  I put them on *everything*.  I add them to salads, the aforementioned squish, crackers and cream cheese, asparagus or any steamed vegetable, Chinese food, etc.  They're delicious and nutty tasting with a tiny, little crunch to them.  They're ridiculously high in fat, so I'm not sure what's up with that.  I love seeds and nuts, so finding these and the squish seeds pleases me greatly.

Are you fixated on any foods right now?  Anything you'll pay WAY too much for?  Any spaghetti squash recipes for me?  Know any Canadians who are all stuck up about their delicious syrup?

09/09/09

 

Happy No Whining Wednesday, y'all!

I don't have much to add to this week's entry, but I'm going to dig deep and come up with something.

1)  My skin is really soft right now.  I have no idea why, but I like it and I keep petting my face.

2)  My inappropriate crush on one of the Directors at work is now shared by one of his subordinates!  It's so awesome.  She's the supervisor for his department and we act like dorky, giggly 16-year-olds; calling each other in the morning, "Have you seen him today?" "YES, he looks so adorable!  He's wearing your favorite shirt." "OMG, teeheehee!"  And then I find a reason to go upstairs to her office so we can casually stroll by his office to say "hi".  Yep, I'm a spaz and I don't really care.  It's amusing as hell and the supervisor and I are having a ball acting like moron teenagers.  I'm fairly certain that this will be HILARIOUS when I'm packing my personal belongings in a box and being escorted out of the building...

3)  The President of the United States addressed school children today and I have yet to see a parade of zombified, Commie kids roaming the street attempting to round up Death Panels to kill all the old people - ooh, like "Children of the Corn"!  OUTLANDERS!!  So, yeah, I think that's something good, right?  I mean, think of the HORRORS that could have occurred from THE PRESIDENT addressing innocent schoolchildren and encouraging them to stay in school, work hard and take personal responsibility for their successes and failures.  Oh no, just IMAGINE the horror!!!  Holy balls people are retarded.  

(Ok, so that last one wasn't really a No Whining Wednesday thing, but it needed to be said and it's my blog, so fuck it, I said it.)

4)  Blogger has a new editor, so I can write in red and I can cross out strikethrough and write really big or really small and I can change the font to different styles now.  There are no limits to the AWESOME things I can do ... but, yeah, I'll probably still write in the default style with bold and italics and *s because I'm very lazy and I don't really embrace change.

What's going on with you guys?  Anything new and fun?  Anything sorta boring, but not sucky?  Anything?  Anyone?  Don't be shy! 

Wooosh! Wednesday Already?

I'm starting to think there's some weird time/space thing going on because DAMN, wasn't it *just* Wednesday? Ok, you know what that means. Hey, I have an idea, I'll go first!

As mentioned before, I bought a Roomba, robot vacuum. I've named him Nemo McSuckerbutt. He has a wee, semi-useless (but lucky!) fin jutting out from his side, so "Nemo" seemed a good name. McSuckerbutt, yeah, I don't really have an answer for that. It just popped into my brain and decided to stick there. I'll probably just call it Nemo. Anyway, my point is, I love him! He's vacuuming my kitchen RIGHT NOW! I swear to God, it's like living with the Jetsons.

Also, I took some of your advice and a smidge of my own and I made some plans. Nothing big, nothing fancy, just plans to be NOT in my house. Well, kinda' to be in my house, but to be in my house with OTHER PEOPLE, so that's progress, right? I emailed a couple of Human Resources ladies that I've met at various HR-related shindigs and asked them if they wanted to meet for drinks and to trade war stories and they said yes! We met tonight for a couple of hours and chatted about really boring HR crap, but it wasn't boring to us, it was pretty entertaining. It helped all of us to know that people act like fucking morons everywhere and it's not just our employees and we each took away a couple of ideas for morale building. In fact, I told them about No Whining Wednesday and they're taking it back to their offices to spread the positive vibes! Also, I called my friend Angelica and we made plans to go get dinner next Friday and then come back to my house & watch "The Soup" and play some Wii Sports Resort. Baby steps, baby steps...

Ok, I have to go rehearse a 2-hour, 180-page, idiotic Sexual Harassment and Workplace Violence Prevention presentation for tomorrow. I promise to do my level best to maintain the integrity of No Whining Wednesday, but I may slip into Sorta' Whining Wednesday since I have to go in an hour early AND I have to stand up in front of a group for 2 hours AND not be an asshole while I'm doing it. That's an awful lot!

I hope you all have a wonderful Wednesday and I'm looking forward to reading all about it! If you're looking for inspiration, check out Be The Change. The links will make your heart smile!

Beirut, Quarters, Flip-Cup, Beer Pong...

What are 'drinking games I've never played', Alex?

Remember the drinking game, "I Never" (although some of my friends call it "Never Have I Ever" which seems ridiculously redundant to me)? I thought it might be fun to play it with or without the alcohol. Please feel free to contribute your own "Nevers" and hey, do some shots if you're feeling it. I don't drink, so I'll not be partaking, but you should feel free. In fact, while we're talking about it, now's as good a time as any to bring this up because it seems to get questioned on Facebook at least once a week. I don't drink, but I'm not against drinking. I used to drink, but never really excessively. Wellll, a couple of times pretty excessively. I didn't *quit* drinking so much as I just stopped without realizing it. I think I stopped right around when I quit smoking. I wasn't a big drinker before that, because I don't get buzzed. I go from stone-cold sober to WASTED with no warning. Sometimes it's from one vodka martini and sometimes it's after 4. Sometimes one glass of wine would be my undoing and sometimes I could drink most of a bottle. Whether I had eaten beforehand seemed to have no bearing on the situation. It was always a crapshoot as to whether I'd have a drink and be fine or have a drink and be hammered. Also, I got horrible hangovers that took all day to get over. So, essentially, I just stopped drinking because it wasn't worth the hassle and I think you've all learned by now that I am LAZY as sin and will do anything to avoid effort or hassles.

Ok, with that out of the way, back to the game. So, here are a couple of my "Nevers" and I really hope you guys will play, too.

* I've never eaten Kraft Macaroni & Cheese.
My dad thought it was disgusting & wouldn't allow it in the house when I was growing up. The smell makes me gag and I used to lock myself in my room when my roommates made it.

* I've never shared a bedroom.
I don't have siblings, so I never had to. And I've never lived with a boyfriend & I haven't been married, so again, never had to.

* I've never watched "The Wire"
And I kind of have no desire to even though the Pajiba Overlords RAVE about it. In fact, because I'm an obstinate twit, the more everyone goes on about it, the more I don't want to watch it.

* I've never spent the whole weekend in bed making love.
I've spent the entire weekend fucking (you're not wrong in thinking that I am klass-ay), but not the lazy, affectionate, lovey-dovey, can't-get-enough-of-staring-at-each-other, lovemaking that I read about & see in TV & movies.

* I've never owned a brand new car.
I could afford to buy one, I just won't. It seems like a waste of money and also, I'm fairly certain that buying a NEW car would ensure that I would be in my first car accident. Which brings me to:

* I've never been in a car accident.
2 minor fender benders - once I rear-ended someone and caused no damage to either car and once I was rear-ended by someone on the highway when traffic was stopped. Minor damage to my car & dented fender on theirs.

Now I want to read yours! They can be serious or funny. As many as you want. Just share!

Scrantonicity

After interviewing every skinny, blonde, 22-year-old girl named Courtney/Lindsay/Casey/Bailey/Kelsy/etc., we have a new recruiter. YAY!!!

We hired a skinny, brunette 22-year-old with a name ending in "Y"!

In actuality, we only interviewed 13 people (plus another 5 or 6 on the phone) and the girl we hired was number 13. From here on out, I will refer to her as "Thirteen". Couple reasons for this.

First - I can't remember her damn name! Seriously, after the parade of perky "Y's", all of them blend together in my head and I keep referring to her by the wrong name.

Second - I used a fake name for Jackie, so it's only fair that I give her a pseudonym, too.

Third - She looks kind of like Olivia Wilde who plays, "Thirteen" on House. Yes, she's 22, smart, thin and beautiful. No, I don't hate her yet.

She was one of several qualified candidates. Everyone we talked to was smart and engaging and had some or most of the skills we were looking for. It was hard to narrow it down. None of them really won us over immediately like Jackie did and my boss and I were becoming discouraged. And then Thirteen came in for her interview.

She was, honestly, no better or worse than any of the others we had talked to. However, she commented on "The Office" calendar hanging on my bulletin board. She asked if I was a fan and I said that my boss and I love it. She smiled and said she liked it, too. We finished the interview and at the end she asked if I would like her LinkedIn address. I said, sure. She pulled a notepad out of her purse & wrote the address on it. Imprinted across the top of the note was:

That's what *she* said.

And that's how Thirteen became the new Jackie.