Not Everyone Can Be An Astronaut

In pursuit of my latest addiction, Aquafina lip balm, (SHUT UP, addiction is a serious matter and is not something to be ridiculed!) I went to DrugMart, by my house.  I call it MethMart and trust me when I tell you that in order for me to willingly go there, I was DESPERATE for my balm fix.  I found my presssshhhus (and maybe some blueberry cheesecake ice cream, again, stfu, thankyouverymuch) and headed to the checkout line.  The girl behind the register was about 19 or 20 and was a big fan of glittery eyeshadow and lip piercings that maybe looked a tidge infected.  This was our conversation.

Me:  Hi, how are you?
Her:  What?
Me:  How are you?
Her:  Oh.
Me: . . .
Her:  I've never seen this before.  I didn't know Aquafina made lip balm.
Me:  It's great - it's my new favorite.
Her:  What does it taste like?  Does it taste like water?
Me:  . . . Pardon?
Her:  The lip balm, does it taste like water?
Me: Um... no.  It tastes kind of minty.
Her:  Oh.  I don't think I would like that. 
Me:  Pardon?
Her:  I don't think I would like that.  Huh, it's weird.
Me:  Oh... um, well, I have a lot of lip balms that are mint-flavored, so I guess I'm used to it.
Her:  No, I meant mint-flavored water.  I didn't know they had that.  I don't think I'd like it.
Me:  . . . *blink*  Ummmm?  What?
Her:  Aquafina.  I didn't know they made mint-flavored water.
Me:  Oh... I don't think they do.  I think just the lip balm is mint-flavored.
Her:  Oh.  I wonder if there's lemon-flavored water.  That would be good.
Me:  Hmmm, ok, have a good night!

Aaaaaand scene.

I hope she enjoys working at MethMart and more importantly, I hope MethMart enjoys her, because she's probably not going to be receiving multiple offers of employment on a regular basis...

Pucker Up!

Ok, so you guys know how I maybe have a wee addiction to lip balm, right?  It might be out of control now.  I've designed the entire theme of Employee Appreciation Week around my addiction.

A couple of months ago, my boss, Thirteen, and I went to an HR conference.  There were a bunch of different vendors with booths & swag, and one of them, the Cleveland Zoo, was passing out lip balms with their logo.  Ok, well A) The ZOO!!!  and B)  Lip Balm!!!  Hello, happy Lainey!  Turns out that this is like the best lip balm ever (Yes, I say that about EVERY new lip balm, but this time I mean it.  It's like I tell every guy that he's THE BEST, I'm sure I've actually meant it once or twice...) and the label lists some company in Cleveland that makes it.

I looked it up and they will make lip balms for your company, with your logo, for some ridiculously cheap fee of like $.50/tube.  The catch is that you have to buy 100+.  Here's the thing, I actually THOUGHT about buying them myself, putting MY logo on them (Bobainey Balm - Pamper your pucker, sucker!  Cute, right?  I KNOW!), and then sending them to you kids with your Christmas cards, but then the reality set in of having 100 lip balms sitting in my house and me having to actually address and mail 80+ Christmas cards, which would STILL leave me with 20 lip balms, and yeah, that idea fizzled out.

I did some thinking and then some more and then I took a nap.  Then it dawned on me!  If we make Employee Appreciation Week be about relaxation and pampering, I could totally order these for our employees, get the company to pay for it, AND have my own personal stockpile of fantastic lip balm!  I AM AN EMMEREFFING GENIUS!

Wait, it gets BETTER!  So, because Thirteen enjoys projects, I assigned this to her.  She got in touch with them to get pricing information and other pertinent info and they sent us a DOZEN lip balms to choose from before we order ours for the employees.  I now have SEVEN lip balms sitting on my desk.  SEVEN.  So great.  (I let her keep 3 and give 2 to the admin assistant because I'm benevolent and a good sharer and shit.)

Oh, so anyway, Employee Appreciation Week is still going to be all about pampering and relaxation and feature the lip balms, but I don't even care anymore, I got what I wanted. We're also having cookies and tea.  Because I LIKE COOKIES. 

The end.

Lost. LOST. LOOOOSSST. L.O.S.T. Lost!

LOST is back tonight and I think it's fair to say that I'm pretty freakin' excited about it!  There have been many awesome things associated with LOST, but the link below is my FAVORIST ever!  It auto-plays and there's sound, so if you're at work, beware.

Seriously, I could watch this over and over and over.  It's like 3 years old and I've seen it 40 times and I STILL LOVE it.

Enjoy!

This Space for Rent...

Hi,

This is Lainey's blog, but Lainey is goofing around and/or too lazy unavoidably detained until further notice. So I, an anonymous, benevolent friend, shall provide you with a short entry.

As you may know, last week Lainey was waylaid (don't get excited, that word has nothing to do with sex [unfuckingfortunately! --ed.]) by some cold or virus disease type thing. She took quite a lot of OTC meds, and may have gotten hooked on one of them. It would explain a lot, right? She also got hooked on maple syrup, though she tries to explain it away as some sort of nutrition when accompanied by a frozen circular disk. Despite her poor diet and the d.t.s, she seems to have dragged herself into work this week, where she spends much time complaining or making observations about her co-workers and or superiors. I do assume some work gets done, as she hasn't gotten fired. And she did do all that nifty employee appreciation stuff, didn't she? But still, I'm not sure she's completely gotten her mojo back, so I'm going to recommend we have a little intervention. We'll keep it small, entice her with the smell of waffles and pretend we're all there to watch...Intervention!  She'll totally fall for it. Now while we're there, let's just go ahead and tie her to a chair until she tells us that SEX STORY; may as well kill two birds, right?

I think that's all I've got for now, please leave a comment if you'd like to be a part of the intervention and if you can bring a snack. Everything is better with snacks. [You know what makes a nice snack?  Waffles...I'm JUST saying. --ed.] I know you'll all be as happy as me when we have our girl back.

Cheerios!

[PS:  Happy No Whining Wednesday! --ed.]

Addictions, Obsessions, Fixations...

Recently, I've become fixated on three new foods.  Well, the foods aren't new; I'm sure they've been around for ages, but they're new to me.

Based on the recommendation of my friend Kellie (who makes up one third of my brain, which is composed of me, Kellie and Anna von Beaverplatz - I'm not even lying, we are totally the same person!), I finally tried real maple syrup.  I'd only ever had imitation maple syrup, like Mrs. Butterworth and Log Cabin and I didn't really like them very much, so I assumed I wouldn't really care for the real stuff on which it was based.  So, yeah, I was wrong.  Real maple syrup is the SHIT!  Ohmynomnomnom!  Every day I have to talk myself out of having pancakes, French toast or waffles.  Every day.  Because now, that's what I want all the time, just so I can put maple syrup on it.  And here's the thing, guys, real maple syrup is NOT cheap!  I bought this wee 3.4 oz bottle for almost $5.00 from the Amish Market (which is also a new obsession - I can't even stand going to the regular grocery store now because their produce sucks hairy, sweaty ballsacks.  The Amish Market has locally grown vegetables and fruit, fresh churned butter, cheese, fresh baked bread, maple syrup, homemade pies {and they have MINI pies, so I don't feel like a giant hoggy pig girl}, and beautiful and inexpensive flower bouquets.  I love the Amish Market SOO much!)  FIVE DOLLARS for like 1/3 of a cup!  So worth it though.  A little goes a long way and it just has so much more flavor than fake syrup and it's not sickly sweet.  If you haven't tried it, I recommend picking up some.  Don't waste your money on the Canadian crap though.  You can get US made and then you're not contributing to the impolite, hockey-loving Canadian economy.  Fucking Canadians, all superior (oh, pardon, "superiour") with their REAL fucking maple syrup.

The other food I've become addicted to is spaghetti squash.  Mmmm, spaghetti squash...  Evidently, people put pasta sauce on it and use it as a substitute for traditional spaghetti.  I haven't done that yet.  The texture isn't even similar to pasta, so I'm not sure I could fully embrace that dish.  However, baking the squash (which I call "squish" because I amuse myself for reasons I'm completely unable to explain) and then using a fork to separate the strands, like spaghetti, and eating it with butter, salt and pepper or with butter & brown sugar is so yummy!  It's even good mixed with rice and Chinese food.  I had some leftover Spicy Brocolli and only a little bit of rice, so rather than making more rice (because I'm lazy - I feel certain that we've covered this fact before), I added a clump of the spaghetti squash to the mixture.  It had a great texture and was a bit healthier (or at least less carby) than white rice.  The squish is a bitch to cut before you cook it, fucking rind is HARD, but if you nuke it in the microwave for about 5 minutes and let it cool a bit, it's easier to cut it in half so you can bake it.  Also, I wouldn't have known to do this if Resa hadn't mentioned it, but you can totally roast/bake the squish seeds like you would pumpkin seeds.  They make for a damn tasty little snack!

Speaking of seeds, I've recently become obsessed with black sesame seeds.  I put them on *everything*.  I add them to salads, the aforementioned squish, crackers and cream cheese, asparagus or any steamed vegetable, Chinese food, etc.  They're delicious and nutty tasting with a tiny, little crunch to them.  They're ridiculously high in fat, so I'm not sure what's up with that.  I love seeds and nuts, so finding these and the squish seeds pleases me greatly.

Are you fixated on any foods right now?  Anything you'll pay WAY too much for?  Any spaghetti squash recipes for me?  Know any Canadians who are all stuck up about their delicious syrup?

NWW, Wheeeee!

Hey guys, yeah, I suck. I know. That may or may not have been part of the SEX story I promised you...

I'm finding that between Pajiba, Facebook, Twitter and here, I don't really have that much to say. My boss would find that SHOCKING because I always seem to have plenty of shit to say at work. I think she'd like to institute "No Talking Wednesday". Yeah, that's just not gonna' happen. But really, I just don't have much of anything to write about. If something fun or interesting or annoying happens, I usually put it on Facebook or Twitter and then if I put it here, it seems repetitious (ok, seriously? That's a really hard word to spell!) I'm having trouble coming up with stuff that isn't 400 pages long or just a rehash of my stupid boring days. *sigh* I have no idea why you guys keep coming back. Except for Anna von Beaverplatz. She keeps coming back to see if we're actually the same person. I'm fairly certain that we are. Did you guys read her real time review of The Lost Boys? Ok, go read it. I'll wait.

Speaking of von Beav - we're going to watch Fear Wednesday night. Again, I've published this all over my damn Facebook page, so everyone but Cindy (*ahem*, dude, just come over to the Dark Side. Life is SO much nicer once you just succumb to the Pajiba peer pressure) should have seen the news that we're watching it. I'm pretty excited to watch it because a) it's a REALLY crappy movie, but I love the hell out of it and b) even though he plays a total psycho, it's where my love for Marky Mark was cemented. I love his whispery/raspy voice with the heavy Boston accent. I never had an interest in him when he had his crappy "band" or even when he was a Calvin Klein underwear model. But, as an actor, I dig him. He's got the sexiness.

What else? Oh, Wednesday is my boss's birthday. I'm picking up lunch and bringing a card for everyone to sign. I asked Thirteen if she would pick up a cake or cupcakes. She goes, "Yeah sure. I'll just bring some cookies or something." NO, DUMBASS. CAKE! Whatever. She's really lucky I haven't run over her in the parking lot yet.

I *will* post the SEX story at some point, but I haven't decided yet how much to share & I can't decide if it's even interesting to anyone but me. We'll see. I WILL tell you this though - did you know Amazon.com sells sex toys? Well, they do! Doesn't matter how I know, just say, "thanks for the valuable info, Lainey". You're welcome!

So, you guys up for another round of No Whining Wednesday? Are you still into it? I am! I can't believe the effect it has on my mood. It's amazing the difference I feel when I know that I don't necessarily have to be Suzy Sunshine, but I also know that I can't be Debbie Downer. That second of checking myself before I automatically bitch about something or the energy I redirect from whining to finding something positive in the situation. It really puts me in a better mood from the moment I wake up. Does it do that for you too or are you all just humoring me? I hope it's doing something for each of you. Even if it's just for a couple of minutes a week. Your comments and positive energy are like a drug for me and I look forward to Wednesdays now. Thanks for that!

And now that I've babbled on and on, Happy No Whining Wednesday! Gimme my fix!

Crabbypants McGee

So, I might be taking a break from Pajiba for a bit. It's just not that fun for me anymore. Ever since the April Fool's prank, I'm just not loving it. I'm still a bit bitter and kind of hurt, I guess. I feel like the little community that was created was destroyed. Not just destroyed by the staff, but also by the nameless "me too-ers" who were brave enough to chime in about feeling excluded, but not brave enough to ever post so they could be included. Logic like that confounds me. The timing of it was so crappy, too. We had all just come together to say goodbye to 'Manda and everyone was feeling all Kumbaya and shit and then, *splat*. Anything for a joke, right?

The regular old time crew, socalled, Sarina, Julie, PissBoy, jM, jamiepants and others I'm not remembering right now, appear to have stepped back into the shadows - oh, Shadows of Dakaron, that's who I forgot! - and it's a few new people and a few of us regulars and we're trying so hard to not let anything go off topic or offend anyone lurking that it's not really organic or entertaining to me anymore. Maybe I'm just cranky in general and need a nap.

Regardless, I miss the goofy. I miss the zombies. I miss SKITZ! And while it did irritate me on occasion, (and yes, I participated on occasion as well) I miss the sexual banter. The cheesy flirtations and the downright dirty flirty. I miss the silliness. I miss my friends.

This probably didn't warrant an announcement, but I'm really rather bummed about it, so I figured I'd share. Maybe this is all a bunch of word vomit and I'll change my mind tomorrow. Who knows? I may still read a bit when I'm supposed to be working, because seriously, how much work can they expect me to actually do? But, I don't think I'll be hanging out there as much. If anything super fun pops up, let me know, 'k? I'm still on the Facespace and visiting all of your blogs and I still love you all to pieces, but for now anyway, I'm gonna' find something else to do with my screwing around on the internet time.

P.T. Barnum Was Right!

I bought those Crest Whitestrips a couple of months ago because I felt that my pearly off-whites could use a make-over. They (those people at Crest) say that your teeth will be noticeably whiter after 7 days and will last for 12 months. The first part is totally right - they were definitely whiter after 4 days and I was mighty proud of them, but the second part is a flat out LIE! It's been like 2 months and already my teeth look like they did before. I don't smoke (18 month anniversary last Saturday thankyouverymuch!), don't drink tea or red wine; yes I drink coffee and Diet Coke, but not an inordinate amount. Fine, I drink an inordinate amount of Diet Coke, but that's only because I like it a lot and have little to no self control. BUT, I also brush my teeth twice a day (*with* a whitening toothpaste), sometimes 3 times if I have a meeting or interview after lunch. I feel that my teeth should have stayed whiter for longer. Am I being unreasonable (or ridiculously naive) to expect a product to do what it says it will do - the whole thing - not just a portion of what it says it will do?

So, now I feel duped, but also I'm pretty sure I've developed an addiction ('cause yes, I need MORE things to be addicted to because shoes, lip balm, my dvr, Mr. Clean Magic Eraser - cause damn, that's a product that does what it says! - men who are bad for me, and Diet Coke w/ Splenda aren't enough) to white teeth!

Now, after reading this, you may think that my displeasure with Crest should be the least of my problems and I may want to reconsider my company's Employee Assistance Program's 5 free psych visits, but I still think that I'm entitled to feel disappointed and maybe even a bit pissed off because oh, and did I mention that those effin' whitestrips are NOT cheap??

The point here, boys and girls, is that it's Saturday afternoon, I'm bored, and I've been examining my teeth for far longer than is actually healthy or even interesting and I felt the overwhelming urge to comment on it. If you have any thoughts, positive or negative, please feel free to share them. I'm going to try to find a book to read or something a tidge more constructive to do. Maybe I'll just take a nap...