Wednesday, November 25, 2009

The Pilgrims DIED So You Could Eat Sweet Potatoes!

My grandma actually said that to my cousin one Thanksgiving when we were little.  We've never forgotten it and it's become a holiday greeting at my family's house.

I was going to try to write up something nice and/or funny, but then I dicked around and went to the grocery store and put gas in my car and talked on the phone and made a grilled cheese sandwich (you're totally right, AvB - a LOT of work!) and then made some pumpkin dip, checked my work email (because I am DUMB and never learn), took a shower, picked out something to wear to work, packed my lunch, patted myself on the back for doing all of these things, and now I'm too tired.  So, I'm going to make YOU do the work for me (this is also how I get through most of my work days, but no one has figured it out yet - YAY for me!)

Thanksgiving (US Thanksgiving, the *real* Thanksgiving, not like that Canadianastukian "holiday") is Thursday - what are you most looking forward to about the holiday or the weekend?  For you Canadatians, pretend it's a month ago, what was your favorite thing about it?

For me, it's getting 4 days off.  The food and family part doesn't really interest me all that much, but the 4 days off is exactly what I need right now and I'm just so THANKFUL (see what I did there) that I can sleep in and lounge about and just be not at work!

Your turn! 

Friday, November 20, 2009

Special Little Snowflakes

This may be rambling and incoherent - I'll do my best to stay on topic and to self-edit.

Usually around Christmas everyone wants to take vacation time, but the office still needs to be staffed, so they limit the number of people who can be off at the same time.  A couple of years ago our senior management team made the decision to let employees who worked on Christmas Eve day leave 2 hours earlier than the end of their scheduled shift and get paid for those 2 hours.  It was a perk for the employees who had to come in that day.  If you took a vacation day on Christmas Eve, however, you had to use 8 hours of PTO.

This year, our senior management team made the decision to close the office at 12:00 on Christmas Eve.  They also decided it was dumb to limit the amount of people who could have the day off, since most of the companies or agencies we do business with are closed or are short-staffed also.  Additionally, for reasons I still don't understand, they've also decided to pay everyone for 4 hours, whether they work or not.  So, basically, if you choose to take the day off, you can and you only have to use 4 hours of PTO and the Company will pay for the other 4 hours to give you a full day's pay.  If you don't have any PTO and you choose to work that day, you only have to work 4 hours and the company will pay you for a full 8-hour day.  Sounds great, right?  Yeah, not to everyone, apparently...

One of our Special Little Snowflakes has decided that this is somehow unfair.  In the past, the extra 2 hours of pay was a REWARD for coming in and working, but NOW the Company is going to pay EVERYONE 4 hours whether they work or not and to her, that's not fair!  It's not fair that if she comes in to work, someone who chooses to take off that day still gets the same benefit she gets.  She's, in her words, "being PENALIZED" for coming in and working. 

Wait, what?  Seriously?  Yeah, she's in a snit because everyone gets 4 hours paid and she's evidently pissed because she gets paid for an additional 2 hours and has to work 2 hours LESS than in previous years...let that sink in.  She's mad and thinks it's unfair because why should EVERYONE get this "perk"?  What the fuck is wrong with you?   I don't understand this logic.  Can someone please explain this to me?   Also, can someone explain the word "penalize" to her, because I don't think it means what she thinks it means.

OK, fine, so she's just some random malcontent - EXCEPT, no, she's posted this all over her Facebook page and because she's a goddamned genius, she's "friended" her supervisor, who then brings it to HR, because now it's a "morale issue".  Wait, back up.  The Company is paying employees to not  work or to be at work for half a day and somehow we have a morale problem because of this?  I swear don't understand.  Am I being dense?  Can someone PLEASE explain this to me?

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Sometimes Laziness DOES Pay!

First - Everything about Paheeba Day was incredible!  Thank you, you amazing, delightful, lovely ladies of Pajiba!  Thanks for all of your planning and writing and editing and Photoshopping and general awesomeness.  I feel privileged to be among your members.
Second - I was a giant, whiny baby on Monday.  GIANT.  So giant, in fact, that I actually *cried* in front of my boss.  My boss and I are also friends, so this isn't as tragic as it could have been, but still - come ON, we mock people who cry at work!  In the past couple of months, 7 of my friends have entered into relationships (some with each other, which is just about the cutest thing EVER) and I'm definitely happy for them.  However, my stupid girl-self also spent some time in the Bitter Barn feeling sorry for myself and lamenting my lack of a love life.  On Monday morning, my boss greeted me and said, "Hey, you look sad; what's up?" and then you know how when someone's nice to you it just makes you cry like a girl?  Yeah, so that happened.  At the end of my little Pity Party, she said, "I know you know this.  I KNOW you know this, but Lainey, no one's just gonna' just show up & knock on your door.  You have to get out there and make yourself available to meet people.  It's not just going to happen by sitting in your jammie pants and watching teevee."
Oh realllllllly?
So, Angel-ica sends me a text Monday afternoon, "Hey, would you be interested in going out with a 28-year-old guy"?  WhutWhut? 
I wrote her back and we played text tag for a few minutes until I got irritated as crap with that (GOD, I hate extended texting, unless it's of the dirty, sessy variety) and called her.  Her husband, M, works with a guy who said to him, "I'd just like to meet a nice, funny, cute, kinda' nerdy girl who's independent, kind of a homebody, has some meat on her bones and a brain in her head." and M exclaimed, "I KNOW THAT GIRL!" I told Angie that I'm not a nerd though and then she laughed and laughed...
Angie said that her husband was SO excited that he'd actually already emailed my picture to the boy and they were planning our first meeting/date.  I *jokingly* asked if he would mind if I showed up in my jammiepants and Angie shrieked, "Ohmygod, yes!  Yes, let's do that!"  So now, the 4 of us are going to get together at the boy's house, in our jammies, and watch movies, eat Mexican take-out, and play with the Wii.  I think it sounds like a lot of fun and even if it's not a love connection, it'll be good to have some interaction with a guy who isn't my dad or the janitor at my office.
Also, the fact that I get to keep saying to my boss, "Neener, neener, neener - enjoy working hard while I sit on my ass and do nothing!" has not grown old.

Third - Speaking of sitting on my ass and doing nothing - evidently that pays off at work, too!  I got a promotion (well, technically I got a better title & more vacation time) and a raise today.  Cool, right?  I'm sure this will come back to bite me in the ass as it can really only mean that more work is coming and they're trying to butter me up to do it.  Whatevs.  Not like I was doing anything anyway.

Fourth - I started Weight Watchers again a couple of weeks ago. I've lost 5 pounds and while I'm aware that it isn't much, at least the scale is going down instead of up for the first time in a really long time.  I'm freaking STARVING every afternoon around 4:30, so I need to find a way to deal with that, but otherwise, I'm doing pretty well and it's kind of fun to treat my daily points allotment as a scavenger hunt.  Now I just need to get off my lazy ass and throw some exercise into the mix.  Baby steps, baby steps...

Fifth - I tagged this with "waking up with things in your mouth" because it makes me laugh.

Sixth - I have to go to an Employment Law Review all afternoon on Friday, BUT, I get to go with my boss to Red Robin for lunch and I have been saving my extra Weight Watchers points this week so I can have a burger, fries and freckled lemonade.  I'm way more excited about this than I should be.

Seventh - After this Friday, I will not be required to wear pants on Fridays until next January!  Yeah, bitchez!  Between Thanksgiving and New Years, I will have every Friday off work.  Suh-fricken-weet!

Eighth - I don't have an eighth.

Ninth - My pajama date means I get to go shopping for new jammie pants - YAY for new jammie pants that actually serve a purpose for once!

Tenth - What do you squirrellybutts have going on this week?

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Best No Whining Wednesday Ever!

We'll return to your regularly scheduled random blatherings tomorrow.  Today, it's all about Paheeba Day.  Enjoy!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Umm, Hey There Wednesday...

Noooo, I totally didn't forget you!  How could you think such a thing?

(Pssst, you guys, I totally forgot about Wednesday!)

I didn't write up anything last night, like I normally do, and I will be going out after work to meet up with the HR ladies, so I won't be able to do it later.  So, yeah, um, I'm at work, not having Veteran's Day off, because my company *obviously* hates America and trying to write a blog post while I'm trying to pretend to do work and not get fired, so you guys are kind of on your own today.  Talk amongst yourselves. 

Here are a few good things going on with me, so there's NO whining from this lady today!

  • I made a giant pot of chili, so I have leftovers for days - awesome!  I also made a spaghetti squish, so that'll feed me with chicken or with vegetables or in Chinese food or just a bowl of squish!  I don't remember if I posted it here or if it was on Facebook, but I told Cindy to nuke the spaghetti squash for a few minutes to make it easier to cut - yeah, don't do that.  I've done it that way a couple of times and it makes it kinda' mushy/slimyish.  I recommend doing it the old fashioned way and risking loss of fingers and/or hands by trying to cut the damn, hard thing. It'll make you appreciate it more if you have to bleed work for it.  This is one time the internet wasn't helpful for me.
  •  GLEE! is back on tonight!  Oh Finn and Puck, how I love your pretty faces and voices.  Glee, glee, glee, GLEE!!!
  •  Every time I walk by my living room I see the beautiful, fuzzy, warm blanket (infused with LOVE) that Sarina made 'specially for me and it makes me all gooey and happy & I have to stop and pet it.  For real, you guys, I don't know if you understand how much this blanket means to me.  Sarina does NOT enjoy working and she did actual WORK on this blanket.  I loves it!
  •  And finally, one of my employees has to get rabies shots because a raccoon sneaked into her house through the roof and she woke up with its PAW IN HER MOUTH!!!  So, I think that all things considered, I have nothing to complain about and frankly, neither do any of you unless YOU woke up with a raccoon's PAW IN YOUR MOUTH!
So, other than that whole raccoon thing, what other good stuff do you guys have  going on?  Anything you're excited about or looking forward to?  Any stories about waking up with things in your mouth? 

Happy No Whining Wednesday!!

Monday, November 9, 2009

Ten Things

The lovely and adorable Eyvi Sprite gave me a major award!  Then she basically hit me in the face with it because I was required to do WORK.  So, because I am nothing if not a sucker for pretend internet awards, I present to you my Ten Things You Didn't Know and Probably Didn't Care about me...

1)  I don't eat condiments.  Sour cream is disgusting.  Ketchup is gross.  Mustard is fucking vile!  I'll eat mayo if it's in tuna salad and it has to be barely visible.  I have a theory that people who drown their food in condiments grew up with parents (or even just one parent) who couldn't cook.  I have no idea if this is a valid theory or not, but it's set in my head because...

2)  My dad is an AMAZING cook!  He doesn't follow any recipes, he just throws a bunch of different shit in a pan & it comes out delicious.  I'd like to be able to just instinctively cook like he does.

3)  I don't have a favorite color. Colors are situational to me.  For example:  My favorite color of clothing is probably green.  My favorite color of car is charcoal.  My favorite color of flower is purple...maybe yellow.  I can't pick a favorite color.

4)  The first DVD I ever bought was The Sweetest Thing.  Say what you want about Cameron Diaz, but Christina Applegate is fucking awesome and I will watch her in anything (including Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead, which I also own!)

5)  I'm always shocked when employees say they're afraid of me or they're nervous when they see me, because I know what a giant nerdgirl I am & that I have *no* authority at work, I can't believe that I could make anyone nervous or worried that they'll be in trouble.

6)  I played Powderpuff Football in high school.  I was approximately 5'0" and weighed 103 lbs and I was the Center.  It. Was. Awesome.  I only started playing it because the varsity boys football players were the coaches for the girl teams and then I ended up loving it SO much and actually being good at, I became the captain for my junior and senior years.

7)  I took Ecstasy once (like 10 years ago) and LOVED it.  Lu-huved it!  I've never done it since because I loved it so much I fear that it would become a habit.

8)  I haven't eaten at Burger King since 1994 or 1995.  They changed their fries to some weird-ass crispy gross things and I haven't eaten there since.  Turns out, I don't really miss it.

9)  Jesus, this is HARD (that's what she said) - Oooh, speaking of Jesus, I'm finished with my Christmas shopping already!  And I have the cards, I just need to write and mail them.  YAY for online shopping!  I really couldn't tell you the last time I stepped foot in a mall during the holidays and as with BK fries, turns out, I don't really miss it.  Also, I haven't had a Christmas tree since I was 13.  I may get a little one this year...

10) As if anyone's still reading at this point - 10th, but probably the most important little known fact is how important to me all of you are.  Every time I get a comment I'm amazed and grateful and happy and genuinely baffled.  I'm baffled because seriously, don't you people have better things to do with your time than read this drivel?  It's fascinating to me that anyone reads this period, but reads it regularly and takes the time to comment?  Fascinating and very, very gratifying.  So, I hope you all know that even though I don't understand why you're here, I'm very grateful and I love all of my little bluggies (blog buddies) so much.  Thank you!

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Conversations With My Father...

This happened today.

Dad:  Sorry to bother you at work; I know you're busy.
Me:   Not really.  Just dicking around on Facebook at the moment.
Dad:  What's a facebook?
Me:   You know what?  Doesn't matter.  What's up?
Dad:  Do I have an email?
Me:   Um, no.
Dad:  Why not?
Me:   You don't have a computer.
Dad:  You have to have a computer to have the email?
Me:   No, but you can't read the email without a computer or on your phone.
Dad:  If I had an email would it just be "Denny at the internet dot com"?
Me:   No.  No, it would not.
Dad:  Why not?
Me:   Dad, do you think you're the only Denny in the world?
Dad:  Well, no shit, obviously, it would be "Denny Bobainey* at the internet dot com".
Me:  Obviously.
Dad:  So, can you make me an email and if I tell someone to send me something, do I tell them "Denny Bobainey at the internet dot com"?
Me:   No.  Dad.... I can create an email address for you, but why don't you just have them send it to my email address and I'll print it for you?
Dad:  Because.  Just make me that email.
Me:   Ok, whatever.  Are you waiting for something, 'cause that's not a real email address.
Dad:  Well, it will be when you make it.
Me:   No, doesn't really work that way. 
Dad:  Why not?  How many Denny Bobaineys can there be?
Me:   It's not a valid address - there is no such thing as "at the internet dot com", but even if there was, let's just say there was, I have no idea how many Denny Bobaineys there are in the world and also, your  name doesn't even have to actually be Denny Bobainey to use it.
Dad:  What?  You mean Dick McDickface, down the street, can use my name for his internet if he wants?
Me:  Well, yes, but if his name's Dick McDickface, I don't know why he'd want your name.  His name is AWESOME.
Dad:  No, seriously, anyone can use my name and pretend to be me?
Me:  Well, kind of. 
Dad: Well, that's some bullshit right there.
Me:  Maybe you should write to the president and tell him that.
Dad:  I CAN'T - I don't have an EMAIL and even if I did, how would the president really know it was me?
Me:   I don't know.  I'll have to think about that and get back to you.

20 seconds later the phone rings:

Dad:  Is Facebook that internet yearbook thing?
Me:   Kinda', yeah, it kind of is.
Dad:  Look on there and see if anyone's pretending to be me!

And scene!

*Not his real name.  Please don't try to impersonate him on the internets or try to steal his Social Security Checks.